A bit late though!!!

[berto]

:eek: See www2.b3ta.com/merrychristmas/

[Richard_S]

dont be a wally

[berto]

:confused: Why wally you say hmmmm?

[Richard_S]

Time past never return

[berto]

;) Coming again in t future!

[Richard_S]

it will never ever come again the same way.

6 months in south america or 3 months of corporate craziness with a hat made of sensible meloncoly.

ask not what you cannot answer for the ikea dream is just over the horizon

[berto]

You want to move in with me....When ye get a big boys bike...maybe!!!!

[Richard_S]

hehehehehehehe

the sound of truth!

not ready to be a big boy just yet

you have solved the puzzle

[A Yerbury]

berties bitch! any higher res images of you on the hog? you have an excellent "idiot grin" like george formby, she was a fool to leave such expressive chops.

[Richard_S]

errr was it me?

[A Yerbury]

errr was what you? (remember to errr is human)
ps I ve gone of cigs and the world has become rather dull, what do non smokers do when they arent drinking/talking? "hey Al, we just like -be- y'know?"

[Richard_S]

i have been wondering the same. since rileys apocalypse has decended I have found myself chugging away frequently, simply to pass some paused moments. i have however become the neighbourhood hero, and on that basis Iintend to treat myself to the 18th chapter of my script.

[A Yerbury]

I've tried chugging away but its just not the same at the moment?! I think I will start smoking a pipe, either one of those overblown affairs with their own lid or the hobbit stylee ones that can be smoked at waist height. Snuff is good but if mucous membrane damage be the order of the day then the sacrifice shall be made for a higher deity. I cooked up some haggis the other day and it was marvelous.

[Richard_S]

i am in somewhat of a quandary. they have made me an offer to return but it is pitiful. I am trying to be strong, i think i got the knack of this force thing but how does one finally jettison reason and just release?

perhaps a day or two of haggis and some insightful wisdom would help? next door went up in flames last night, arson probably, and i found myself in quite a ponderous and reflective mood. obviously it would be a bad thing but it could have been the start of the future. it was ok bar some soot and stench, tina survived unscathed and i had a lovely chat with my forbidden princess to the left. a strange night and a strange few days.

the cat who could have had my cream popped by which was awkward but closure was nice and she looked radiant as usual. she used to live on the corner and was gorgeous. however as our mate ed said we met at a strange time in our lives. eyes worth dying for and a nature sweet enough to annihilate. oh how we learned that one. we said our hellos and goodbyes and another end tied up for the better.

really dont want to end up with too many tied ends and not enough progress. a little bit like a bad diet, itches you bowl, itches your arse and makes one feel blue. bring out the sushi and orchids, i for one am ready

[A Yerbury]

tied ends can be good, haggis for example (although mine were stapled) -raises fist at modern world and curses! its reason you embrace not jettison, a life time withe the porkers and their sullied gusset ways? you know it makes sense luke its just january playing tricks with ya.

[Richard_S]

i do know. i always know. knowing, although helpful, is universally accepted as being the soft touch. skydiving seperate the men from the drones.

[A Yerbury]

if it all goes pete pear shaped lop the old fella off, apply steroids and work for the National -£4.90- Trust, I've put my name down as I have an affinity with old buildings and lego.

[Richard_S]

a friend causally asked me if I did mechano the other day.

well as its you i'll be honest. yoda asked and I died. twice.

some things never change. new year new competittion. thank christ for ugly women and bad hair. achilles comes is handy sometimes.

[A Yerbury]

As if yoda would enter into any enquiry with anything other than casualness! I was introduced to meccano at an odd point in my life, if it was technical leggo then right now you could count a latter day Kingdom Brunel amongst the monte christo club, alas the overall design and wanky spanners left me a little cold, as a result I drew tigers, tanks and rolled 20 sided dice (yeah, "die" I know) for the good of mankind.
AY.
ps, I caught a pike once but after delivering the crack to the base of the skull I took pity on the fine beast and walked it round the sink like a freshwater Smack head, finally released under the weir with a slight camber to the left but it gave him/her a certain je ne sais quois.

[Richard_S]

bless your heart. a white knight in a dragon coated pashmina. one always must remain a surprise. the approach of a transgender elephant who appears happy whilst bobbing....but then reaches for your little toe and performs rituals fit only for the likes of andrew karr, kim jong-Il and a modern day henry k character.

thank christ for the fish, they are either useful to toy with or thwart unsuspecting robbing types. guardian angel mothers and a keen eye should see you past the gates of groom lake but it is the twitch of the eye brow that really opens doors.

[berto]

;) Why don't you two try mutual cracking oh and get a web cam like Den...you filthy slaaaaags!!! Pipe is good but beware foolish embers who destroy such gay buggergrips..And young **** forget the selfish sorts they are all the same anyway soon the time of compgens comes....yeeehaaa!!

[Richard_S]

;) soon the time of compgens comes....yeeehaaa!!

thats what im really afraid of. all the frozen yoghurt in the world is counterproductive when faced with highly tuned warriors from zanthos. thought you'd know that already laddie, u been missing ur bible lessons again?

[berto]

:twisted: No afraid needed embrace ya tink embrace!!!Oh and did you see the future in santa...See that jaikey...that's you that is.....timeless!!!! :D

[Richard_S]

Santa is the Future Buddha according to google. whos to mess with the all seeing all knowing. Programmed by a higher being and maybe some day will stretch to the borders of jockland. www via dundee could be a very beneficial entanglement.

[berto]

:confused: So did ye laugh or no ya sanctimonious samisen with two missing strings? :(

[Richard_S]

yeah about a year and a half ago when it first aired.

one must get up awful early to catch me with my knickers down :p

[berto]

;) And your boyfriend on his knees no-doubt!

[Richard_S]

I thought I was about to reach your interlectual bounderies.
you should try a new approach, less homo stuff and some more pharsical pregnancy discrimination type mockery.

all the cool kids are doing it.

:rolleyes:

[A Yerbury]

what is "mutual cracking" bertie? yer fiddlin Bill.

[berto]

:eek: You???? Pointing me in the way of what's funny????Say it ain't so!!!!! :(

[Richard_S]

if you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. :twisted:

[berto]

:eek: Meeeow be-atch!!

[Richard_S]

got the claws done earlier. Lucia from pounce. Top service :cool:

[A Yerbury]

at the NAIL BAR..

[Richard_S]

nah she comes to me. she prefers a secluded recliner and Im easy like sunday morning. shazam.

[nik_the_brief]

Does anyone else understand a word out of every three posted on this thread?

You're mad as a box of frogs the three of you, keep it up though, I'm waiting for that Shakespeare, monkey typewriter interface epiphany type thang!! :D

[berto]

:lol: Hang in there Nick_the_pants it will all become apparent when the fog lifts from my two foes willywarmers!!!

[A Yerbury]

ye sporran abuser yer

[Richard_S]

are you offering me the opportunity to burn one down on your head bertie?

I need a new rear and it would certainly inject some spice back into the week!

squash squash goes mr bertie all the way down to the bottle bank.

you cannot win squire. I am always very hungry first thing and the duplicity could sneak up on you. they used to exploit fruit bats but they stopped all that during a cost cutting bonanza. now they just use shears and aim for the hunted's gonads. twinkle twinkle, large cigar, jaded mentality and a firm shake of the hand.



nick, there is no need to worry, some of us appear to just be off our tits but its all part of a greater plan. education education education.

[A Yerbury]

mr richard handles the simmian side of things Nik, I just do the colouring in- I know my limits.
Allesandro.
ps bertie, Monet prints are for the bourgeoise. at least try to make an effort eh? little wonder the little lady went off in search of more fertile pastures.

[berto]

:rolleyes: Ahhh once more you show your lack of knowledge in anything! THAT is an original Douglas McDougall called Predator(a study in thermal imaging) so go back to shopping in Athena(or ebay)you Philistine!

[A Yerbury]

fair play, from a distance it looked water lily ish.....Im going to france today so thats a bit more distance between us yer curmodgeonly git!
alex.

[berto]

:( No far enough......as blink 182 say...I miss you!!

[Richard_S]

its by the by really. thermo imaging as art? yawn :rolleyes:

Douglas McDougall eh, and i thought that the fountain of humour had completely rung dry up there. I'd love to meet some of the people that actually rate this kind of very average stuff.

you need to expand your mind. I'd take turtledoves over that drivel any day of the week. Culture spawned by pretentious pretenders.

you wanna see some art Mr B I have nothing but time :burnout:

[A Yerbury]

blink 182? is this teenage boy pop/punk appropriate for the middle aged gent about town?

[berto]

:confused: Funny thing is he is down your way...Belsize park? He does dark portrait work but I liked this which he had done a few years ago.Anyway did you two pretentious pricks have a farewell do without me? that's really not on.was I blackballed AGAIN??? :mad:

[Richard_S]

Trick is to use big words that I haven’t. No prizes for being a copycat old chap.

Nil Poi Burt and absolutely no jelly and ice cream for you!

[A Yerbury]

yes all of us south of hadrians live in Belsize park. we are tough guys so no teary good byes just a manly email and a virtually raised malt.
yours wrapped in a sheeps gut.
the french duke.

[Richard_S]

hes right, been tough but we have remained men together.

trust all is tickerdy boo...?

Ive been out today and bought myself a new light grey suit with a blood red tie/shirt combo. Savil row special.

look out world :cool:

[DesmoDog]

Damn, now I'm bloody late for my meeting. I'll catch up with this later. Toodle pip, must dash.

[berto]

Sorry Dicky I didn't realise you had sole use of some words in the Queen's.(Have I just used some more of yours?winkle!!!)

[Richard_S]

hehehehehe

amongst the nob factor you do have some wit.

you can use my words anytime :D

[berto]

:lol: Did Alex le pew reach fronglese or has he been cast asunder with seamen's froth dripping from his peasant's chinwiskas??

[Richard_S]

I believe so....??

I would imagine that as we speak he is dining with some good Bordeaux whilst a couple of local girls bounce up and down on his lap.

No time for this online tittle tattle now! Replaced with a rye smile.

I have ribena, a 4 foot cone and my moccasins so I am also pretty content.

Cheers chaps :D

[DesmoDog]

Oh for a Camden carrot on such a blustery day - its bloody freezing out and all I have is Home office forms to decode.

[A Yerbury]

I am still a lurking.....just waiting for the nice insurance lady to quote me legit, met a sculpter the other day who looks like god/father xmas/papa noel and makes biblical representations using wooden autometa (sp I know) the bordeux is sublime and cheap, malesan 2003 mmmmmmmm so thats nice...

[Richard_S]

Funny you should say that as I have heard numerous reports of the man upstairs spending his down time loitering in France. Can’t say I blame him, nothing quite like the look of love from virginie ledoyen types. I’m hoping to poach one later this year on my next round the world exploration. keep ur eyes peeled for me!

[berto]

:rolleyes: So monkey boy,the right hounorable Rich and myself invited over???

[Richard_S]

congratulations, you have won a jetski :D

[berto]

:p And I so wanted the patio set that was iiiiiin one!!!!!!!!

[Richard_S]

nah patio sets are for girls, what you really need is one of those skidoo/jetski combos. perfect for terrorising the mean streets of glasgow. harpoons and peacock feathers at the ready. hi ho, miss white and her little gems of rumpus.

[A Yerbury]

Im sure a berto/patio interface of some kind could be developed with enough concrete. you may be invited bertie once you have developed a few "life skills" oh f uck it whats the intonation yerbs!? scratch the life skills crap what I meant to say was provided you can hold your own in delightful company without letting the side down so to speak with your frankly boorish attempts at mirth and observational quippage.
AY.
heres a nice clear image of how to look into the middle distance whilst retaining an inner prescence, as opposed to just staring vacantly with your scotch tongue lolling about like so much excess pork tripe at a george formby grin a like contest held inside a synagogue. once again I apologise for the lack of apostrophes, the myriad selection of pate de FGC just about makes up for the alien quality of the french keyboard.
cheers ya bastid.

[berto]

:eek: Watch oot Alex,Peter Sutcliffe is standing behind yer bike ...and he is gonna ride it...then you ya faaaaany!!!!!
My joke aboot the patio set was funny because I stay in the top flat....w.ankers both!!!

[DesmoDog]

Ah you stay in the top flat, but where do you LIVE eh eh?

[A Yerbury]

my patio reference alluded to fred west, brookside and your aching desire to be free of the mortal coil, sorry I will be MORE OBVIOUS NEXT TIME YOU BIG FAT WILLY TOUCHER MAN. By the way you don't "stay" in the top flat, you were locked in the attic Bertie lets be honest here mon.

[berto]

:confused: Ain't that the same ting Mr lookintomyselfandsigh man???Anyway I am going to Almeria? for a track weekend at the start of Feb so get itrightupye!!!Hoi where is dear dicky he has been awol since one of the foulfolk had a pop at him?I didn't think he was so sensitive the poor wee wibblewobble... :( :( Fred west is it you wanted to pork Rosemary while Fred rubbed yer wiskas ya friut!!

[A Yerbury]

they are often popping at RS, the fools! I suspect hes having a wee break or has "got lucky" In the meantime bertie you are a puddle of slime floating atop a rather grey watery expanse. I suggest you initiate a poll along the lines of what colour socks do people favour? ya git.

[berto]

:rolleyes: But we would all just follow your lead...I mean you Frenchies are just sooo stylish what with your Johnathan King hat anall!!!!

[A Yerbury]

.............listen up chumpy and listen good, Its called Paris fashion week, its haute couture and channel do not have their head office in fu king Dundee! and btw I've seen your pleased as punch cheeky chops expression as you don with pride your lairy shell suit lid (blue naturally for boys!) I have also recoiled in horror at the sight of you squeezed into one of alpinestars most banal jackets (I will fit into the large!I will!!) If the simple, elegant lines of a black ski hat do nowt for thee then you're more of a twonk than I first thought......and that was already a lot. Now go and admire your matsui 5.1 system or come back when you've upgraded to the Yerbury accoustic staple. rebuilt Quad esl from the 60s but I doubt your peasants wage could afford them.
toodle ooh!
ps lost the pic of you on the FB (hog not terry) is there a high res one somewhere?

[Richard_S]

break it up ladies, im here just in time to tuck you both in with a copy of "footsteps in the dark". in the past 24 hours i have created the 1st ever rover cabriolet, fecked my foot, had a shave, and listened to some quality tunes. the truth is that i have been trying to engage. the results have been costly, but not lost any limbs. thinking about becoming someone new next month (jiggly jiggly wobbly wobbly etc ahem). may nip to heaven tomorrow for a afternoon cream tea and a quick fumble. we should bless her really, tis a pleasure to spend an afternoon between her thighs. still we digress and soldier on. some moments make other moments ok. nice pic Sir, felt proud!

[A Yerbury]

so you've been a busy little trooper? sterling stuff, the devil makes and all that.....according to mother hen a latex sofa would bring out the fluster in you!? well, I inferred that it would be pretty poor form not to really? enigmatic silence ensued...now read on as uncle tumbly uncovers the secret identity of proffesor X whilst saving Penelope from the beast with five knees.

[Richard_S]

busy trooper yes although in true a fiddle stick fashion one forward and two backward. mind you the mammoths have come into their own and the tootsies are loving attention, bubbles and that first thing stretch feeling. curious as to the PVC, to be fair I doubt most can appreciate the finer things, and so i raise my hands, shrug my shoulders and tell myself once again that one should teach and not touch too many tarantulas.

young bertie seems to be getting attached. maybe we should have a round of stone, scissors, papaya. We could take in some conversation on route and together we should be able to avoid the "chip butty" modern age of chipmunk whores.

[A Yerbury]

there's hope for the lad methinks, he really is as keen as the proverbial mustard -if sadly a little "common" around the edges. Providing the paperwork comes through more or less clearing the chap as homo sap and not hybrid primate then I see no reason why we cant begin stage 3 clinical trials monday week? let me know if thats tickety boo.
Alex.
ps tee hee! I said "homo sap" ah, these are the days my friend............

[Richard_S]

La vie sans ami est comme la mort sans témoin!

off now for some tantric to keep me all edged up.

viva la revolution

richard esq.

[A Yerbury]

tantric will buff the edges to a fuggy hue surely? ah well, just keep on your knees pilgrim and try to avoid the ones that dont make the grade, its all about the chomsk and the standards and "the ambiance" and lately, ESL speakes.
yours going a bit jazz fusion,
A Wilberforce

[Richard_S]

you were right, did over excel the old medulla oblongata but no pain no gain.

Got the illustrated guide over the Xmas break for some fat belly sofa laziness and have been quite impressed. have just about mastered testicle breathing but just so much to learn and so little time.

next stop for me is a balanced diet, regular exercise and the dispersal of winks.

Old news now but was in awe of that Niagara man, stuff of legend that.

I may give impulse a bit of a bash in the coming days although I do draw the line at posing with cross-eyes. And I thought I was a tart!

Mr skibadee is now sliding off to make use of the tantric techniques, which can heighten hormone production and free up some testosterone. If only my foot worked :rolleyes:

[A Yerbury]

you are a tart, I'm a tart with a digital camera and lately broadband. (its a nice picture tho n'est pas) illustrated guide? ironic purchase? hmpf, try the karma sutra for bona fide nonsense.....attach bannana leaves, slice n dice, attach cobblers last and insert oneself in hammock. thankfully your humble correspondent has well hung genes and has no need of such upgrades. If the weathers good I'm a riding to paris on sunday to meet a geezer called James Fox (no not that one sadly) ex boxing photographer and ran Magnum agency for about 20 years. I'm hoping he takes a shine to me and gives me the run of a parisian studio in exchange for the occasional peep at my ankles. wodeva. it could be a hoot and Ill burn some gitannes for ya.
yours with eyes cross and legs akimbo.......damn this wine is fu kin incredible..

yours with a subversive subtext.
Prof lex.

[Richard_S]

the karma sutra is "the lovers guide" for the vaguely adventurous middle aged couple from dorking. he is a sales exec for a plastics company and she has a part time job at a trendy clothes shop. they can't communicate, can't f uck, can't even look each other in the eye so think "hey lets get at naughty book from smiths to spice things up" . Men of our calibre rise above the channel 5 phenomenon and practise perfection. One day the world will catch up but thankfully we will both be dead by then.

make sure you pick me up a beret, would come in handy for those suburban close encounters back here in sunny Windsor. Comedy hats are making a rewarding addition to my days of late mornings and curly toes.

cheerio

[A Yerbury]

one is never alone with a comedy hat. ah yes the lovers guide...the silly goons, still that level of suburban familiarity does breed contempt and shame.... "communicate with your partner..."....."pay money for state obvious book" still, we'll be long dead as you say.
toodle pippins clutching the little book of angst..
wing cmdr cloudesly.

[Richard_S]

To our surprise we have not been able to locate even one scientific study on the proved harmful effects of addiction. A pipe is the fountain of contemplation, the source of pleasure, the companion of the wise; and the man who smokes, thinks like a philosopher and acts like a Samaritan.

You don't have to be yellow and fluffy to be beautiful.

I tend to prefer oats.

Throw it on the fire for I have seen the light. Lacking commando characteristics as he was I laughed, joked, toyed and then smiled. Never cross swords with a swordsman. one man who Gordon Gecko will never own invites you into neverland for a callipo and a bag or two of baccy. I was trying to be cool, she was from texas, grew up in Austin and **** she had never heard of it. You can't always win just need to keep playing the game. golden Virginia is made in Basildon. any one fancy babysitting the mind....?!!

[A Yerbury]

bertie you are still a pitiful twat.

[A Yerbury]

you have hit a ley line there, only yesterday did I consider the move to pipedom. gentleman of leisure need the occasional prop and there is nowt finer as it lacks the, dare I say it vulger corporate overtones of the cuban?

[Richard_S]

Cigars are like honest men. They are at home anywhere.

One toy that should be afforded to one and all.

any country that fairly takes the time to ration the freedom of the leaves get a big tick from this redundant mont blanc. lets all go on a summer holiday!

[A Yerbury]

I suppose its cigar abusers that I'm refering to, you know the type, lairy wet chompers who delight in gnawing off the tip with propriortorial city boy swagger. swines the lot of em. I like the remark about honest men being chez nous partout. poetic top marks arr kid.

[Richard_S]

russian roulette with the tongue, tis one of the best life skills.

to have a way with words leads to aspiration which is a brave trait. Visions of think tank wrinkles and the right to coerce. A use for the gift. the odd saxophone tracks are hauntingly beautiful, chimes for the heart strings so you use the davidoff cutter you have lying around. bottoms up, smoke rings in the shape of dragons and another excuse to take ur inflatable croc into the next millennium.

haven’t had any good custard in years. shame that.

[A Yerbury]

to coerce a verse is indeed a fine thing, the french "esperer" to hope for is a lovely verb even if I do over use it in the supermarche-but if one is going to over use something etc etc davidoff make cutters? not such a suprise I suppose although I favour a neat blade over spring mechanisms as the world is complicated enough. Oyster knives are cute, rather like daggers for hobbits replete with hand guards and murderously effective. Beauty is haunting as its transience is death but we tear after it with goggle eyes and killing jar at the ready but life stops. to hell with rebirth, circle of life and other hindu disney buddhist notions, mine is between points alpha omega but what can you do?
one of my fathers students wrote as an answer: "The machine had broken down because th " hurrah to whats the point of.

[A Yerbury]

you are truly an abhorrent little man bertie.

[Richard_S]

"the machine had broken down because the mind wanted easy access"

reminds me of the story of Jean-François Revel, a French philosopher and journalist famous for his leadership in protests of both Christianity and Communism, and Matthieu Ricard, his son, who gave up a promising career as a scientist to become a Buddhist monk in the Himalayas.

worlds apart but enough pure common ground pure to avoid the burger van menace. warped tarmac, upbeat natures and a keen eye for a French nymphet protege. I am adjuring until daylight as I need to finish my ace in time for feb's kidnapping. Whiskey may lead to my toilet dwelling slumber but the proof is in the pudding and I fancy trifle.

the pleasure, as always, is the reward.

Richard (1981- buoyancy circa)

[berto]

:D You two twonks keep refering to me in the third party cos you think I'm great(and you are right).Quad eh ? bit to smooth and jazzy sockwank for me I am an Audiolab/Nakamichi/celestion sort of topchap who enjoys the sight of two selfobsessedclosetbores trying to match my atmos/humour/knowledge...but you both interest me slightly so I will continue to nurture you Mr Miagee stylee.....for the time being....them i MAY CAST YOU SPINDRIFT LIKE INTO OBLIVION....... :twisted:

[A Yerbury]

shouldnt you be playing motogp georgie boy?

[Richard_S]

Worry not busby through the use of children's literature, children with learning disabilities can be taught valuable skills that will enable them to make and maintain friendships.

[berto]

3-7 Feb for my headrest looking to switch off the humdrum and replace by combat/smiling/being right all the time....for a wee while then back to hell :twisted: whilst waiting for the number I shall continue breathing under protest oh and you will look back an declare....he was right you know.... :mad:

[A Yerbury]

even if you are/were I could never bring myself to say it due to an imature stubborn streak. "yeah, but Alex, that bertie bloke, the one that threw himself from the attic to the patio....he was..... right!" ........................"he was a right c unt you mean"

[berto]

:( At least I made an impression....and another in the patio during landing...Is France suiting you or have the dibble traced you and forced you further afield...On another pointless point do you think we will make 100 on this tread about nothing?

[A Yerbury]

I hope so as this is one of my favourite posts! if you are bored of this then elsewhere ped has made some fascinating discoveries, zimbo has uploaded a graph, some midlands types are speaking to one another in baby talk, jmo is arranging a dozen outings with some hamsters and didge has just shat himself. democracy is all about choice.
AY.
ps france fine if a little soggy at the moment.

[berto]

:eek: That's funny a guy came into the store today to annoy me with questions about a bike he is never going to buy and he smelled of sh it terribly..In fact he asked if it was ok to sit on the bikes and I told him to f uck off...Cust service second to none you know!!!

[A Yerbury]

you should have added f uck off....you smell of ****. you have to be really clear with some people..

[berto]

:twisted: But I am A professional you know and anyway he was making me gag if I had spoken to him anymore I would have given him the chunder shampoo move...He was a counrtyman of yours I'm glad to say! :burnout: poo poo customer do!

[A Yerbury]

he was clearly not a southern gentleman, possibly a pig farmer from leedshire or a farm hand from birmingtry.

[berto]

;) You all look/smell the same to me!!!

[A Yerbury]

I smell of Bulgari, wd40 and fresh coffee.

[Richard_S]

all i smell is Ms J.

haven't seen the light for days but actually really enjoying a bit of proper pure dirtiness.

As for smell, the charred note of next doors burnt house has nearly gone but tiramasu, chai and the occasional sneeze have passed the time between lectures, dreams and earth shattering mindliness. I try not to think of the imperfecties, they are everywhere and generally stumble my moves.

oh and some crumble, its good for the digestion you know.

Roll on oZ number 2 ;)

[A Yerbury]

roll on germaine greer, have you seen any good daytime television lately, Im thinking of buying a dream home with caprice and blowing the rest on claris cliffe? bbc2 or ch5?

[Richard_S]

did try it for a while, but they were never showing what I wanted. since then I have evolved and now have my own station. programmed by moi and strangely enough always panders to my kooki taste. must dash paxman is just about to go searching for the worlds only four legged neon time machine.

[berto]

:p go then...I'm gone..go then....I'm gone ....go then......Top public access tv at it's purest!!!

[Richard_S]

i take my hat off to them, finally a solution to providing chewing gum to the brainless masses wallowing in their two up two down caves. berty you have been blessed, now make sure you do your duty to mankind and hypnotise your self with drivel.

[A Yerbury]

attendez moi copains, je voudrais encore un verre du vin blanc.

[Richard_S]

J'ai commandered la petite dame pour prendre soin de mes yeux et pieds. Pour maintenant le youll doivent pur votre propre monsieur de vin !

[berto]

Bon....................

[berto]

Hoi cocksuks post now...

[Richard_S]

suppose I asked you what a bee is, what is its essential nature, and you replied bees were of many kinds, what would you say if I went on to ask: 'And is it in being bees that they are many and various and different from one another?

[berto]

Absolutely,cos they don't follow rules/fashion like so many other "intelligent"species!!!ya ****!!! :D

[Richard_S]

trust you to miss the point. I just dunno what to do with you.

are you coming south for the weekend thing? If so I'll pack my chalk and abacus, someone has to try and rescue you!

[berto]

:twisted: Away and gargle a can o pee you pompous, sanctimomious ,chaste spongebath!!!

[Richard_S]

compliments compliments.

one day you'll learn little man and then the clouds will open up for you.

its just a shame that you can't buy it bottles but hey thats what natural selection is for. I compare you to a salad and we all know that a salad is a salad regardless of dressing variety.

[berto]

I learn every minute of every day...but the day I learn anything from a vacuumous jobby such as yourself is a long way off....I thank you..

[Richard_S]

rather a vacuumous jobby than an uninspiring, vanilla shade, nugatory, bigot.

Your pipe isn't big enough to play with the dreamers.

ciao bambino, I’m sure your bleak tower requires some Linda Barker style attention and "enhancement" and I have a rendezvous with someone far more attractive!

[berto]

Uninspiring?Moi,non non non mon ami have some more skunk you are dulling significantly!!!!!toot toot...

[A Yerbury]

I have but two hands ladies, for bitch slappage please form a an orderly que.

[berto]

:( och,that was amusing.... :twisted:

[A Yerbury]

it's windows cut and plato. I do love an abacus though.
yours.
Alexander beetle.

[nik_the_brief]

I was missing this thread so thought I'd bounce it back into the limelight!

[A Yerbury]

and what a thread...its where bertie gets his bitch slappin kicks, the grubby little masochist.

[berto]

Your taste is impecable dear Nik,The other two are away on a hush hush mission at the moment......Dicky is hiding under the stairs as I think he is being fingered for the arson job at his neighbours gaff and Vain Alex is in a french Top Man shop(he is in fashion you know)trying in vain to be discovered by Jean-Paul or at least being taken seriously as an artist rather than the self obsessed frootloop he is........ :cool:

[berto]

You mannerless oaf, I WAS REPLYING JUST THEN!!!!! :mad: Oh aye....YA TIT.

[A Yerbury]

There is no top shop over here although I have spotted a burtons.

[Richard_S]

as you asked im currently baking blueberry muffins in my titty pinny.
(fyi the curtains are closed and Ive gone commando)

[A Yerbury]

I do hope thats your own recipe and not some boil in the bag gubbins. no titty pinny here only the one emblazened with the phrase "last mango in paris"...........I have no idea why either.

[Richard_S]

who cares tho, im always game for a giggle. reason is a whore. comedy aprons will never provide the fulfilment of top hats but hey you know what they say about too much of a good thing. no recipe, just giving it a whirl. can't be that hard can it

[A Yerbury]

blue things are always good be they berries or kingfishers. have a good whirl and keep em peeled for a topper, no gents hat collection is complete without one.

[nik_the_brief]

Your taste is impecable dear Nik,The other two are away on a hush hush mission at the moment......Dicky is hiding under the stairs as I think he is being fingered for the arson job at his neighbours gaff and Vain Alex is in a french Top Man shop(he is in fashion you know)trying in vain to be discovered by Jean-Paul or at least being taken seriously as an artist rather than the self obsessed frootloop he is........ :cool:

Glad you're back from your session of being fingered Richard, I trust you've a rubber ring to perch yourself on as ya type!

[A Yerbury]

he is often to be found bobbing about at the childs end with a ring through each arm bedecked in the snazziest of speedos. petting.

[Richard_S]

the only inflatable I regularly dust off is this one. so ner!

my wings, rings and other tings are tired and old but can't be chucked. nostalgia and all that.

trying to give the speedo thing up this year and just let it all hang loose.
Aerodynamics are one thing but no one goes down to the pool to swim.
Its a minefield but great for the nymphet type.

[A Yerbury]

an hugely inflated bullock, just what herr doctor ordered. All is well with the world at last.

[Richard_S]

not quite breast milk but I, like many, live in hope that it will be skimmed and lumpy. ronda the cow will be the next big thing.

[Richard_S]

found this earlier....

Is that What is Human life

Eyes unhappy to focus deeply on anything,
Legs performing their duty nonchalantly,
A pulsating shadow of pain in torso,
Body fighting to leave behind a harsh day’s fatigue,
Mind restaging its arsenals to combat a spiritual wearying,
A gallant beginning in the morning is fading dismally,
A day in human life is ending.

Day in and day out human life
Must go through the rough worldly grind.
Human spirit must percolate through the jagged sieve
Before it can dream of glory.
Each emotion must be expended to survive,
Each thought committed to keep out of troubles.

An inflamed spirit, a sublime soul, an inspired mind,
Experience the sharp angularities of the world –
Its crassness, its insensitivity, its unsophistication.
We must fall in mud before we can look up stars,
A moment of bliss is entwined with a thousand miseries,
We must die a thousand times
Before we are toughened to hold a faith.

The world moves like a clockwork.
Each person aspires for power,
Each person pursues material goals.
Happiness and acquisitions are considered the same.
The ensuing insecurity is bottomless,
The mirage of happiness is chasing an ever receding horizon.

Human life is wasted in its daily chores,
Progress of worldly life a blinding illusion.
To make a house on the bridge of life
Is the most perverse plan.
What is spiritual in essence
Can not be secured in a material edifice.

I fall on the craggy edges of life
And ache with seething pain.
I tremble and murmur:
Is that what is human life?
I wonder if God had meant that we live the way we do,
Or is it our illusion, our fallacy?

I look through my window
At the verdant sheen outside,
Speckled with the majesty of trees touching the zenith,
I see the sinuous curves of a rivulet on the horizon,
I feel the infinite and the resplendent blue of the sky.

When the mosaic of colored leaves
Dance down to ground in fall,
Uncovering the stark and inner beauty of trees,
They point to the spirit behind,
The master’s invisible hands.
Never at rest,
Never far away from human perception.

Aloft a silent salubrious evening,
Gliding over its serene mystery,
Rests the spirit of eternity,
The call of the unknown.
A point of light in the darkness,
Masked often by the material world.

When you recede from the world
You walk into the lap of nature –
The eternal mother.
It has beauty, principles, and truth.
You become nature when you give yourself to it.
It is a life where all the quests end.

[berto]

Parp!!! :p

[Richard_S]

rinnath and hidath, maegden-cildan!

you may attempt to go bare back with Nessy but the truth is she has far better taste. best to keep your little thought urchins tucked up until the crop is worth harvesting. could take years and I doubt if I'll wait but you have to take the rough with the smooth and your receptacles need realigning.

your cod piece is all out of synch and beef related wit went out in the 30's. your nonsulant onion eyes form your wayward path but Dorothy has already stopped for some chestnuts. you simply do not have the stamina.

your barnicle would be best suited to fish tank exposure so run along and take your spongy comments home to roost. I have skinned far more deserving elves for less and you are rapidly loosing your yokel charm.

[berto]

:rolleyes: You make it all worthwhile......no really(sic).

[Richard_S]

Shetland ponie grit your teeth determination alone will transpire to signing your own death warrant. Remember to add some magic beans into the mix.

btw after successful muffin creation I have evolved to the mysterious jam rolly polly. I have no intention of holding prisoners and cannot guarantee fair sized portions. Every man for himself and I already hold the oven glovE!

[A Yerbury]

I have two, modelled on salmon for some bizarre reason that made more sense in 1998. can't stick around sadly kinder but Ill read the poetry later Mr S. I love you guys..

[A Yerbury]

Richy babes thats borderline hippy doodling nonsense there, I only hope I am not too late.......

[Richard_S]

on some occasions I would agree. however as i type i am perched on a purple cloud of enlightenment. it may not be a lifestyle choice of the realist but the concept of free love and world peace can't be such a bad philosophy. if that’s not enough then just think of the sepia lenses of your tinted shades of completion.

[A Yerbury]

hey I live in the "rue clos des roses" so I know how to tickle a stickle, hug trees and I am quite partial to aromatic candle moments, after all you can't beat a good girls night in after railing against the Berties! All I'm saying is tread wisely....ONE WORD "yoda" knowodimean!?

[berto]

:mad: "railing against the berties" is it ? you two tingleknockers better tread carefully in your home grown mocha chocha bark bark's cos you are dangerously close to my enemies list and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry....actually I'm not too pleasant when I'm happy so bonkie beware the driblet of flocculence can be no more no more.....YA TITS.

[nik_the_brief]

This is still my favourite thread.

It's like the old Victorian family day out to visit the inmates at Bedlam! :D

[Richard_S]

Id suggest you sort those stubby little bastards out before you start wiggling them in this direction. I have seen more forceful fingers on a nun!

My interpretation of railing is similar to the act of flogging a dead gypsy with a suede 9 tails. Regardless of other apparent flaws I would not put you in that category.

Saw yoda last night for a few pearls, highlight for me was his cranberry surprise cocktail / ice cream bonanza. That man will be the death of me.

[A Yerbury]

I meant to type -as the saying goes- "railing against the pricks" but the inevitable and no doubt hilarious onslaught of homosexual "jokes" from the bertie camp ooh errr!)meant I did nae bother. In the mean time go shave the rest of your stuby extremities and up yours ya tit! as illustrated thus....

[berto]

:D Haaaaaa Alex you are the ol fellow to whom this thread started,,, go back and look at the first post web address....Where has the homophobe tag come from I mean I laugh at everybody and with everybody...I bet you don't like the grrrrrreat Bernard Manning either you narrow minded squeekdipper....

[Richard_S]

When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have recourse to any other. The wise understand by themselves; fools follow the reports of others and you squire are a follower of spunky monkey goo.

on a more positive note I met a man from your heathen plains this afternoon. had a strange temperament and when vigorously questioned he did, as expected, crack. the theory proven, the swagger toasted and the firm intention to swing on by and pull a moony in your general direction. come back and see me when your people understand the delight of fruited moose and you have upgraded your hands to an acceptable level of semblance.

[A Yerbury]

Berti you oafish excuse! once more I have need to chastise thee! firstly child what makes you think that I actually bothered to look at the link in the first place? you lumpen pedestrian parochial presumptious peabrain peasant!? you posted it, vis a vis it would be mind numbing bollocks.... thus I ignored it! I still have no idea what this comedy santa claus url lark is and quite frankly my dear I can think of nothing that interests me less. no doubt it's a gif or jpg of papa noel bumming some reindeer, in fact judging by your most recent photographic exploits I fear that the aformentioned Santa caught mid coitus would be too sophisticated for your childlike nee retarded brain. Laughing? these are the tears of despair and the forlorn death cackle of a man who has looked out upon the world, its inhabitents, particularly yourself and has given up hope.
hugs kisses etc..
big gay Al.

[Richard_S]

whilst your there nobby I'll take a new sweater. I’d prefer one in the style of the Ruatha River Hold (loosely translated for morons that means "a very distinctive smocked rib pattern"). I think I prefer you when your off knitting. toodle oodle.

[A Yerbury]

A bit quiet around these ere parts? perhaps oor berti has had a terrible accident?

[DesmoDog]

No, like the proverbial red bus Berto is unseen for ages and then blitzes us with many messages.

[A Yerbury]

Beri the red bus..? fat, slow and smells. Somehow I think the little children would still prefer Thomas and that talking helicopter.

[DesmoDog]

There's a saftey message to the kids if ever I saw one. Don't board berto

[A Yerbury]

Am I bored of berto? he brings a certain crude lumpen charm and refreshing tactlessness to the proceedings. quel c unt, and he loves it the slag!

[Richard_S]

Whilst Bertie has been off playing with himself I have been off flying the flag in aid of the rejuvenation of the garfunkel phenomenon.

As we have landed onto the subject of role models don’t forget dooby duck and his travelling disco bus. Bringing a slice of samba to council estate oinks everywhere!

(moon boots and disco biscuits are available as “extras” from the evil russian empire behind this seemingly innocent quack attack disciple but just don’t tell sid. Harry is one jealous mo-fo)

[A Yerbury]

Ola bubbles,
Mr Milk Tray, David Niven and "face" from the A team have provided me with all the life skills I need. As for the oinks I used to run a community drop in centre for them, well paid doss of a job and quite amusing showing valium addled "on the sick" daytime telly fodder and their boozy twerp boyfriends how to use Windows 2000. Regretably not much cop on the totty front there despite the good wonga. Assisting fashion photographers is a far more fecund environ, although at 34 and 3 months I'm a bit old for teens which is what most of them are.
yours with a campari,
the strange boy running in the wrong direction..again.

[DesmoDog]

No no no mon ami, you must be the svelte older experienced type. Coach them in your wicked ways and then send them over to me. The models not the photograhpers, unless of course they are also lovely ladies.

[Richard_S]

What’s all this bubble talk then mucker?

funny you should mention face, I was always more of a Hannibal kind of chap. a lot of it had to do with those little leather mittens and 12 foot havana but you already know where I stand on the ideals of proper gentlemen.

The last time I was in a community centre I last took the plunge and marked my cross for that screaming lord such fellow. in my later years I have drawn a line under that kind of tomfoolery and only visit with my broomstick to move along little vagabonds and 12yr old hussies.

Your never too old for cherry blossom teens my friend. Never deny yourself one of the worlds only pure indulgences.

[A Yerbury]

certainly during breakfast at tiffanys mode, very dapper. Caen is full of teeny boppers as it is a uni city, troulbe is that the wee smurfs are still sporting the dreadful grunge look?! pas chic. It's that or slightly leathery Mrs Robinsons chugging on gauloises, peering at rolexs, carrying yap dogs clad in fur (not the dogs obviously..) But its true, there is nowt finer than a svelte teen with dirty eyes.

[DesmoDog]

Ah Caen, take one for a spin on your moto man. Is it your plan to stay in that part of France or is this an assignment? Are you going to watch the dune races next week?

[A Yerbury]

I'm sorting out licence stuff (car as well as its about time..and its a bit of a loopy hole provided one keeps hush hush) and may be back in the uk early summer. lovely roads, not many coppers, food -obviously, and taking the odd folio shot. They are bonkers for moto x and green laning -wodeva the french phrase is-over here so I plan to visit an event this weekend and shoot off a few rolls. 60p for a nice bottle of red? bliss! looking for some casual bar work, kitchen work too so I should be a bit bilingual on returning and should have a few sheckels.

[Richard_S]

i am in the midst of a moron moment and doubt whether i could cope with the complexities of pouring ale right now. Plan is to source some functioning organs up top and then jet off into demark. Get a boat, some cheese and a few back issues of the new scientist. Life seems a doddle their, if you've seen "the idiots" you know that already though. I have ordered the test tubes, vinaigrette and life-size "stripe" figurine already and have my eye on a novel half-cast wok.

All the toys, too many dreams and not quite enough impetuous (same ****, different day).

You should stay in order to take me under the wing of evolution. I can play the bugle and there must be some sustenance in that!

[DesmoDog]

Alex watch out for the Gendarmes and their rather nasty habit of hiding on the outskirts of villages on N roads with their radars. The fines can be hideous. Richard, if you see Rozencrantz tel him I'm asking after him.

[Richard_S]

"We have no control. None at all...for all the compasses in the world, there's only one direction, and time is its only measure."

tis simply boombastic :)

[Richard_S]

quick spot of Q&A

[A Yerbury]

sorry, no.

[Richard_S]

would you believe me if I were to tell you that she is French?

[A Yerbury]

I would'nt not believe you, very nice eyes, a few spots and sadly a bit of generic kornikovaness about the lass. Difficle de dire from one picture. Is this the new via the web and Soviet block Mrs Sellers?

[DesmoDog]

She's hirsute. Is it a bloke? Richard - I just noticed your avatar. Great stuff. Leon, n'est pas?

[Richard_S]

bit of a story to the pic but I won't bore you with it.

Surfice to say that;

1) I haven't mail ordered her from Serbia
2) I haven't plonked my pineapple in her direction or even met her for that matter
3) Although fair to middling chances are I would if I could.

She is French, 17 and available in London. Apparently.

Spotted and shared. bosh :D

[DesmoDog]

can't we just get Alex to pack a few over here?

[Richard_S]

spiffing idea, I'll take 12 then please.

take it you've seen the proper version without the 25mins of cuts?

tis marvellous, one of my bestest bestest

No women, no kids ; a gentleman we should all admire. Principles make the poet.

[DesmoDog]

Youngest son is called Leon, his mother thinks I finally came round to her love of all things French and not after a character in a film.

[Richard_S]

Youngest son is called Leon, his mother thinks I finally came round to her love of all things French and not after a character in a film.

nice touch. Mine will be called Oliver. Proper name & proper connotations. Viva the male decision!

[berto]

:twisted: I have returned all a quiver!!!

[Richard_S]

ah the little bifta man!

I expect you've had a combo of grease lightening, a mud pac or 2 and undoubtedly a decision to "go-large". either that or you have cut your nose hair, dusted off some 45's and wash-waxed the carpet. welcome aboard.

[berto]

:) I now look upon you with sorrow as my little trip has empowered me with a feeling called pity which had beeen left out at creation.Anyway I spent the time on Graeme's R1 which really is a bit sorted so much so I subconsciously insulted David by refusing his offer of his 749R to use cos The big yam is feckin great!!! :twisted: (traitor,blasphemer,etc etc)

[Richard_S]

i was vaguely interested in your opening line, but as with all things bertified it got fecked up at the end. I had hoped that you possessed a penis and some soul - an R1 over one of Italy’s finest? I am the one with my pity my friend. The japs are generally a placid bunch but on occasions they get a bit too excitable which leads to underdeveloped puppies wiggling there bums. A couple of years ago I went to a gentleman’s club with a friend. We needed some titty and just paid we went for a night of strong drinks, dirty wiggling and some real pompous type poses. Breaking the ice with one of these women the subject of bikes came up. The conversation went like this;

Lovely hired lady : "Oh, I love bikes"
My friend : "really? very impressive"
Lovely hired lady : "What do you both ride then?"
Me : " I ride a Monster"
My friend : "I have an R6"
Lovely hired lady : "ah ha...a yamaha"
My friend : "yep :D "
Lovely hired lady: "but you have a ducati?"
Me : "Uh huh"
Lovely lady facing me with a look of pure moisture:"ah duuucattti. i love ducatis"
Me drifting towards heaven feeling like a man with a forty foot partner: " :o , yes me too"

Moral : Even in a enviroment of deception the basic premise of badness prevails. It has given me a degree of smugness ever since.

He still has his R6 and I still have an inflated scrotum.

Your a silly little monkey!

[berto]

:rolleyes: Not one to repeat so shant..Once you have worked out how to get down from your bunkbed you may get over your pompous not a Ducati so no good twiddleflap nowadays there really is no such thing as a bad bike and I would ask you to try it before you use your character/soul/brainwashed Richard Whitley soundbites......Ya TIT x

[Richard_S]

i have ridden most chummy as well as driven the finest creations on four wheels.

do not spit at the shoes with your text book style retort. I am right.

anyone with minor impetuous and money can make a good bike. thats easy. effiecency mandatory and porridge for the commoner.

its all about choice and I choose the defining. you can choose whatever you like.

[berto]

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and to think I missed you......switch me off doc please. :(

[Richard_S]

good night sleepy head. tomorrow is new day and a fresh opportunity to gain some instruction and prescribed awareness x

[A Yerbury]

Damnation, hell and choir girls on fire....it seems these days I am not present during the mandatory bertie whupping (tm) and banter which is one of the clubs highlights...see you on the other side ladies.

[Richard_S]

I’m sure he’ll be along shortly for some more home truths about his futile existence and warped ideas. Plenty more insight available and hopefully some of it should eventually brush off causing an adequate human to be created. He loves it really

[A Yerbury]

what plans at Birbeck? I know it well -ish, went out with a dear little heart breaker who was there studying psychology, and yes she did have her work cut out. She was a bit of a hippy though and can now hypnotise people. The other ex strumpet called me from Barcelona last night -I was busy listening to Peter Ustinov so I missed the call- so should blue skies become an actuality I may take the bike down there for some all expenses fun and who knows? some rekindlement of utter dirtyness? slurp-raises glass towards the beautifuly bad ones with brains....

[Richard_S]

Plan is to start a part time BA. Still to be totally decided, 4k and 4 years is no drop in the ocean but I have the time, highbrow intellect and general dedication to becoming an even greater wizard so who knows. Mastermind status is just over the rainbow and I am off to the open evening later this afternoon. I think a bit of commitment would do me the world of good and it’s only 2 nights a week for the first year. Best bit though is that when I get my First the "prof" will be added to my title and therefore my monthly postal bills.
are you still on your UK number over there then? was going to give ya a bell but expected all balls & chains to be jettisoned.
I am always keen to rekindle relations with women deserving of further exploration. crack on, Spain is only down the road!

[A Yerbury]

At great pains not to pun any exploratively cracking puns but the damage is done and the village is in ruins, I'll give her a bell -enough- later, I would'nt mind sorting out the headlight first though as the DNA affair is a bit limp after dusk, but as you say its just down the road and she has inherired a rather splendid penthouse which I am quite keen to despoil in some way or other -a strange relationship we have and one that were I a stronger man I would have exorcised more thoroughly, still there is pleasure to be gained from licking ones wounds and on occasion reopening them.... Oh and one of my sisters friends lives in some barn type thing not too far from here, he is a tall, charming and handsome fellow who has just split up with his lady. Together we make a fairly gusset weting ensemble so that may well be this weekends plans. The old fool is off skiing on Sat so I will once more be able watch Trisha and abuse Berti up untill the wee hours. Nick Nokia is doing what it should now after being talked thru the process, only the one band tho-hey its old skool- so I need to be a few clicks nearer town for 5 bar magic telephony.
toodle pip.
Betty.x

[berto]

:eek: You two stooges better pad up your gussets with plenty of polystyrene quavers before you see these as they will cause a stramash in your pintos....

[A Yerbury]

despite your sordid fantasies berti b, RIch bwoy sellers and I are not joined at the hip. the R1 is one of my faves, a few chums have nice examples and I think it's easily as pretty as the TB999? -when tweaked and tidied. consider me stramashed whatever that may mean.

[A Yerbury]

avoid pink face next time with a larger lid...

[berto]

:cool: Huge bulging eyes caused by cheeky tinto verdi/grappa interface the previous evensong....pooop! :burnout:

[A Yerbury]

don't lie to me boyo, you had a dozen butt plugs on the go at the same time, and judging by your apprehensive sidewards glance I suspect Carlos is bounding towards you with another trayfull..... Yer leather fancying fanny boy.

[Richard_S]

barry you big woofter if you wanna score points on the image front try this.

hard man nipples and an acceptable use of the omph.

[A Yerbury]

Berti I have seen vacums in thermos flasks with more spatial worth than yours, in fact I have designed a berti bitch slap device which means I simply hit "return" and never have to have to endure your drivel again. know your place ...-slap- and heres one for the road you useless pie munching ruddy cheeked emblem of all that is tossworthy and ****e...slap slap slap etc ad infi

[Richard_S]

btw mr y just so you know she loves the reverse cowgirl

[A Yerbury]

On the subject of giant cows I took a couple of wrong turns the other day and found myself whizzing past "fantsi land" a sort of budget windsor safari park in french form if you will....anyway there, bold as brass was an 80 foot gurning bovine in a high chair with pendulous udders and a slight look of the old bse playing about its chops! there may have been a hat but perhaps that is just me being wishful... I will try to get lost in the same direction but with a camera next time.

[Richard_S]

i once stumbled upon fourteen sand stone coloured weasels frozen in the marsh. not pretty but does provides me with the constant reminder that you can't f ck with nature. a man with a bigger monocle has your card marked and this giant cow could be the life guide / shepard messiah you need to point you in the right direction. I’m enjoying hairiness again and had a day of bass and cognac. Got some bath time reading lined up for later. "GOOD AND EVIL," "GOOD AND BAD" - roll on mind expansion and a knitted scarlet coloured cravat. btw life is overated ; id strive for better wine and the ability to match your socks. You can't win em all and the hamster wheel still lacks evenly spaced grooves.

oh and berty your still a worthless **** stained urchin :)

[A Yerbury]

she's a fickle mistress and frozen weasels is yet more proof that god has forsaken mankind, the old fool is slipping about in Austria this week so its a week of nakedness, xbox and a dvd backlog. May attempt to lure some bouncy ones back for a pnuematic moment or two but then again I may just **** myself to death. Just stocked up on creamy white bordeaux but the winds are howling here too, on the return journey I had stuffed the pate and jambon fume down the front of my blouson, thankfully I was not blown into any oncoming traffic as the resultant Yerbury/cured meats ensemble would have no doubt baffled the morticians leaving yours truly pickled in formaldehyde under the heading "freak"...
AY.x
Betros Bertros Gali, your tardiness has been noted and by my last count your twat factor has now surpassed 6 digits. meanwhile heres 1 more, now get it up yer ya tit!

[Richard_S]

you are a tinker, i wanted numero 200 but hey that made me laugh so im happy to step aside. never been a pate kind of guy, like my oats a little heavier first thing and find that when I release the nibble factor too early I turn into a squirrel po-faced antichrist sort of guy. This helps with the "networking" but in truth does little for the pile of note paper and ingenious cave man beat em on the head aspiration. freedom is a good thing but as with all things modern it comes with a warning (even chilblains kill you know). Its been 4 years since I stepped into the solitude of rosso lights, peace pipe decor and collection of really rather inappropriate pornography. I have thrown a lot of worry away of late and invited the sunflower in for a cuppa so its not all woe but rather bright. Best bit for me tho is the nakedness allowed by such certainty. It may send you crackers, which albeit a very good thing, does tend to hit well below the prescribed belt of courtesy. Branching out is a life skill i am nurturing and what with the glamour, stature and mind boggling array of genius women folk pondering with their cute black rimmed spectacles in the back of the kings learning room I may well have the cake and the consumption.

[Richard_S]

what are the chances of that happening. I wanted 200 and by god I had it. Feel the roar thats one for the little guy!

[A Yerbury]

exactement, gateau is not a spectator sport. As regards pate you need-like so much in life-the real sheat, go for creamy goose with the layer of emilsified fat or a confit of poultry livers, avoid the supermarket ardennes pig pap and apart from the elixir of lean young ladies a nice phat slice of foi gras de canard is an indulgence of late roman decadant proportions the average brit just can not comprehend. Reason enough I say.
toodles the tinker.
ps lashings of apologies for saying phat and its worth doing for "the kings learning room" alone.

[Richard_S]

by god its a decision

professor skibadee blowing a smoke ring of uppity capaciousness in your general direction. a face of atonement never skewered the beast so I rely on a meat clever and a pleasant temperament. Be wise for it’s the only pin prick of reason.

[A Yerbury]

Is a visage of atonement not that dissimilar to one of pleasant tempermant? let the beast be Richard have you not vanquished enough of late?!
AY.
ps....this is getting a bit "adventures of hercules/clash of the titans" no? I am now going to cook some meat in pepper sauce because us guys dos thats kindsa thing. bon appetit.

[Richard_S]

I debated doing the crayfish thing but had a lazy turn and tuned into coq a van instead. A bit of a cop out but under the circumstances Im just glad to be alive. sunday can be a very dangerous day.

[A Yerbury]

coq au vin is fine too! I got out the house but was blown into a field, the clouds were good but the wind/hail better. Spent the afternoon "watching curb your enthusiasm" then had a pint at "the oirish bar" actually quite good but I was in no mood for flirtatious nonsense. it is the sabbath after all.
tinker balls.

[berto]

Crayfish and Coq eh? Now that's apt,away and lie in yer pish I'll bet its boil in the bag toad in the hole for ye both..p pr pre pret you know what I'm trying to get at!!!!(Is this the record now?) :burnout:

[Richard_S]

a tough quandary make no mistake. you will only allay your fears by asking yourself the "only" question. the "only" question being "what is the real etymological significance of this man?"

Sunday can be tricky to comprehend so i try a think out of the box a little bit more. First I make it tangible. Then I compare it to truffles. Pluck em late, avoid the mould and dive in with wellies made of the most hardcore rubber known to man. if not vent your frustration on our new kitten from NY. She seems the type for a no-nonsense, revival of the killer bear type pancake tossing session. I have first dibs but hey they are all a little bit crazy east and Im sure she has a adequate bosom buddy.

[Richard_S]

boil in the bag? you really are a crass little man. improving yourself may capture my attention, i would like to see you saved. and then twatted with a trombone

[berto]

:twisted: How are your arson(n act of wilfully and maliciously setting fire to property) classes coming along? pyromania (n kind of insanity with a tendancy towards incendiarism) suits you down to the ground...(bit like your neighbours gaff really).x

[Richard_S]

fire creation and utilisation translates to a minor module in key stage 1 numnuts.

Amongst the clouds we have bigger toys and nothing but harsh words and contempt for oinks with tittage for vocabulary and squid for brains. why don’t you try patagonia, I hear they have very big elephants there.

[berto]

Ahhh panpipes the skirl of the bagpipes and the thrill of intellectuals whom cannot differentiate between their and there....arsehole x2 = Richard S Eureka..

[Penny SlipKnot]

my god! you two guys soooooo want to ball each other!...... one looks like my dad the other looks like a bum? ! monsters, literally! Ill leave you both to it.
Penny.

[berto]

You really shouldn't put lipstick on your dog chum...fags yes cosmetics no!!!!cough cough "where did ye get the dog from?"(dog) found her in the guys toilet....boom boom!!! :D

[Richard_S]

It's never too late to mend and you should have bigger priorities. four walls of chipboard inspired gloom, the restless itch on your hairy arse or could it be the left over lemon/lime/kiwi trial size shampoo? Doris at happy shopper will know your name, you will be "moved" by carol singers and spend the rest of your depressed days masturbating in a 15 year old odd sock to that bird who does the weather. i think its called hobsons choice.

[berto]

Yeah **** off ya googy eyed bint....but before ye go I moustache ye a question!!!!!!hahahahahahahahahahahah I f uckin love this thread!!

[Richard_S]

The first time I read a Fortran code, it was very difficult for me to understand that those undeclared variables were "already there for you"...
I bought a Fortran book, to understand that... and a lot of other things...

[A Yerbury]

have you been distilling IRN bru there berti? you make less sense than usual? a feat I imagined nigh on impossible but you surprise and depress in equal measure. As an option surely suicide via the medium of rubber bands to the forehead over a period of 3 years would be more fun than the grim monstrosity that is your current (non) existence? Its just a thought.

[Richard_S]

shes not your usual phil collins clotted cream type. its a bit like playing chess in the rapids; sometimes you just gotta go splat on move 4.

you also have a record.

[berto]

Yerb you are just becoming more misted up behind the glasses,,,dullness creeps up on the elderly like yourself ...then bang your gone,,,hurrah!!

[A Yerbury]

misted up? never! those are my patented "berti blockers" alas for some ocular stretching I took them off and wallop....there you are! again! Berti screens back in place and then .... -poof- you're gone!

[berto]

:confused: I thought you and the other beef curtain didn't find the homohumour funny you complete hypocrite!! :mad:

[A Yerbury]

My lines are delivered with literary panache where as you bellow yours like a bovine from the terraces, there is also a bit of word play given the phrase and your slight mis quote from the usual suspects -quel surprise. If I am to wallow in the shallow end with you betty I need to lower my game, it's just not fair otherwise, and given your already clay clipping self esteem levels I would'nt want to drive you that far over the edge....yet. Now go rub yourself against the counter as unfortunate female customers demand service and sales bods -you- that can string 4 words together... you can do Betty, but I may need to beat it out of you. ya tit.

[berto]

Oooooh your sooo butch!

[A Yerbury]

hypocrit, like so much in life, is better with an "e" If you insist on playing with bigger words then get a dictionary, scratch that...you'll only hurt your brain. Get a "speak and spell" toy, we all need to start somewhere.

[berto]

meant bitch obviously!!

[A Yerbury]

...then maybe we will have a go with apostrophes? not yet tho..you need to crawl before you can walk.

[berto]

and you need to crawl out from your own bum. :eek:

[A Yerbury]

very good! I was only up there to drag out a certain Berti who was busy enjoying the sunshine.

[Richard_S]

berti you have the grace and charm of an umpa lumpa after falling into a vat of acid. Your loose tongue and beef curtain terminology once again stings of a man with no palatable direction and even less leg moving agility.

[A Yerbury]

sadly Richard, where Berty dwells: ie the land that time forgot "beef curtains" is a term of affection. As it is the day of the valentine the chump is no doubt busy whispering sweet bertyisms over a few cans of white lightening too farmyard animals.... quite literally "beef curtains" If he fails to pull there I believe he has a can of spam gaffa taped to his s4 on a "rolling road" dyno. He really is that sick a puppy. And I am not in the least surprised.
Alex.

[Richard_S]

damn it I nearly made it through the day without that callous word. I have had a totally **** day all in all, but hey the night is still young and I have so much to look forward to :rolleyes:

Still at least im not a heathen degenerate wart. Berti you show all the symptoms of early, pre historic electroshock therapy gone hideously wrong. Its a hard choice ; the life and times of a pompous high priest entering a secret place of compassion or a kick in the gonads for the road. The latter comes complete with a postage stamp size horse tranquiliser and would suit you best. I have never had my ears laced with dirty pork pies and for that reason, and that reason alone, Id spill my bile on your porridge before I allowed you any more of my wisdom. I may still be one prayer shy of complete absolution but you are one pace from eternal damnation....IN FECKIN SCOTLAND!!

ps I'd like to send out "big love" to those sitting at home with their noodles listening to the neighbours f*ck, badly.

[A Yerbury]

oh not those two again? why not spice up their evening, download some throbbing gristle or the eraserhead soundtrack, place speakers next to their beige pit of suburban erotica, press play!

[Richard_S]

Judging by the dulcet and dismal tones I'll call them an exorcist. she’s a sweet thing, maybe I should lend a hand? hes only a man afterall.

[A Yerbury]

its all in the hands, or not, in his case....can you hear instructions being given? is there any high pitched slappage? place a glass to the wall -I just want to know if that works or not though to be honest. Why not start some black and decker fun for a visualy augmented "**** fest" (puerile phrase but it makes me smile...) better still hmmpf disapprovingly, cough and shake todays Telegraph -no not that telegraph- Larks!! the french may start up later! beter clear the bookshelves and ready the anderson shelter.
Alex.
ps....so, whats it like then?

[Richard_S]

think slicing carrots with a pick axe and you'll understand the precision to which this retard is performing. had a high point a moment ago, a giant screech of pain and a small crash bang wallop (he must have fallen out again, co-ordination of a beach ball trying to be a mango). She moans like a corpse which probably doesn’t help his cause (still marriage eh??!!) but I reckon with some careful tutorage, a litre of the new and improved KY and some root vegetables I could inject the spice back. Im actually surprised (and pleased) that they are still soldiering on. Its way past his bedtime and Ive had no noise complaints yet. Small mercies huh. thank good for resilience and that get up and go feeling I left somewhere in my youth. the art of the jelly wiggle should be reserved for the capable and the moral. i just tut and take a drag like the pensioner dreamboat captain that I am grooming myself to be.

ps I explored the effect of a glass to a wall in my teens and unless I have been dreaming for the last 10 years I doubt that the technique has been vastly improved. it just costs more and you now can’t be arsed to clear up the shardes from the bed covers.

[A Yerbury]

ah yes the new uber deluxe ky, have they peppered the goo with chillis?....hmmmm. If you get the chance then try baby oil gel applied to fulsome breasts. I had no idea they had upgraded from oil? once more it was prof Nathan that enlightened me, and dirty jon the boatman had some pictures. He is a bastard with more jam than Robinsons. looks like our penelope pit stop forget me knots has our bertie over a barrell? lucky pig.

[Richard_S]

shrewd move buster but remember that oil isn't all that edible - unless of course your are a total badass. I prefer my breasts to be almost bare and completely unspoilt by man made slurry. In paragraph 3 it says something about a reflexology seminar being held in Basildon later this month. no mention of breasts however? who lets these marketing "wizzes" play with biros?

help does exits but I give it the old one eyed willy and instead see what the likes of young miss angel has in her cupboard. as for the lass, brought back memories of late summer spent with my totes, heated blanket, "henry" my soft toy panda bear and a particular channel 4 doc-u-soap. its only over the sea etc....oh and the playboy mansion has moved to a pirate ship in Stepney so that always helps. She has a fierce tongue which I like but the rest I would leave for a service wash at the local laundrette and accidentally forget to collect. Nice shoes tho, not near my splendour of course, but I would never shoot a girl for trying. I bet she’s at it with a pack of Alsatians as we speak, proper girlie x

[Richard_S]

Ive just been surprisingly moved y a doc a doodle on the good old beep. lovely chap, honest and heart-warming nearly had me in tears "you have to humble yourself and say you forgive. It doesn't matter if they accept it". digressing slightly it reminded me that humiliation comes in the form of being called a "wan*ker" by your R.E teacher in open class. sparrow legs indeed :rolleyes:

on and for the journal ive just gone all guy fawkes like. what started as a journey upstairs ended in facial enrichment. big poppa love sendin ya some cookie dough flavoured optimism. oh and remember to floss, thats why i have a paxman.

thought you'd like that hillbilly crazy ****. twas courtesy of spiderman a la dover don't cha know? :burnout:

[A Yerbury]

He's not Aubrey is he? honestly...you kids, I cant keep up! what was the doc? surprised I missed that as I'm in for a penny and a pound when manly tears are concerned (as long as the lighting works and I have the right shirt) I have been pouring over the old loons videos like so much wanton coral in time lapse format, this evenings gems have been thus far 1.ghostbusters -quality- 2.Kwaidon -japanese and a bit arty slippers (very me) 3.Barton Fink- cohens always fine, and I'm enjoying it more 2nd tim ronda with wine as new best mate. Just swung by to see if Berty B had fallen through the windows yet? no sign? I hope he hasnt done something stupid? whose fault? yeah! Its me that will f ucking get it. like arsenal. again. have the king and queen of mediocrity finished? stammina is no substitute for artistry but they sound like nice kids.
take care tiddles, John Goodman is back mis en scene thus must dash.
XXX

[DesmoDog]

Well I go away for a few days to the land of the philosopher to talk ships and how to fix them and what do I find? Berto's back waving pictures of him on some sort of neon cheese wedge, Richard is having problems with the married neighbours monthly ritual and Alex has found the false idol of the old testament residing in France.

Still, catching up to page 17 has proved distracting as ever. Who the hell was the girl?

[A Yerbury]

So there I am, shivering in my pants, checking the post box....no minolta flash adapter, no headlamp, no amazon clobber just a post card from you know who. Bastid! just as I was starting to worry about the grubby stop out...a hit Berty, a veritable hit... but its not over yet!
make sure to gobble up as much badly reheated paella as possible and avoid sunscreens, thats for woofters. Have a safe flight...Al Quaeeda have been notified.

[DesmoDog]

Signed with a flourish.

[A Yerbury]

flourish? carefull, you know how homophobic the lad is......

[Richard_S]

Slippery slope if you ask me but a nice thought. Searching for a friend in a world of pain and abuse is brave and admirable but a tad misguided. Still live and let live for once especially seeing as Spain is happy to except the worlds rejects. Truth is tho that he is at home picking his nose and eating it in front of some trashy itv drama premier. Spain my arse, the boy hasn't got the panache or pocketmoney.

I’ve gone all black and stripy today and to my credit I have pulled it off nicely. Had mixed reactions from Joe Q Public after GOING OUTDOORS earlier but felt a deep urge to trial the new tache / "scruff balls" combo. Exerted my badness in boots (don't ask) then treated myself to a cigar & frapachapachino for 11sis. Still never one to sit on my laurels I then spent the afternoon finger painting. Tis true, I is one bad ass neagro gentleman really. A purely selfish day has realigned the mind and I can now see that despite the mockery it is all about the Chinese new year afterall.

ps I had a word and they ended up finishing just after 8. dirty bastards then put the washing machine on (just to add a shake of salt to it all). Slightly upset I decided the best thing to do was go to the pub for an hour of cheeky eyeballin.

ppss i hope you burn your baw bag your little munchkin.

[A Yerbury]

You sure ms Beige wasn't just finishing herself off with the spin cycle? They do this sometimes. so I'm told. I cant get over these teeny coffee s over here? yadda yadd its all very euro plush gitannes and Fellini but each cup is 1/3 a roll up? its all about the timing but I feel short changed and no I loathe the other extreme ie: the pint sized milkshakes that get slopped out at s***bucks. I need to find some italians, tout suite. I went for a wander around a castle, something I always have time for...moats, drawbridges, turrets, its all good. Plus unlike nanny Britain you can have a good old vertigo rush peering session -you fall off, you die ergo:you are a fool- giving ones destiny a bit of a touchy thrill is an empowering experience sans Uk entrance charges, no photos, stand away from the edge because gravity kills and HRT addled country dames with sunday jobs for the National Trust. Leffe is cheap and according to the marketing crap they do a red one too? must track that bad boy down.
Ale....x

[A Yerbury]

Worryingly Rich these were bona fide stamps as opposed to the middle earth monikerd shires such as Glen Hagglich or Oban Mordor that the trog actually hails from.

[Richard_S]

in a world of cheap rules, short-havin a laugh-type fences, disposable feelings and elastic ear restraints the intrepid adventure is baited. I am baited hence they are doomed. Even miss poppins knew the depraved senselessness of ruffing us up, but as with all of the worlds ill the poor girl was just doing her duty as another ear in taking, stumpy little rubber plant. Old age concerns me but only because it is such a fallacy. Work forever and then be a git. madness.

we all have our cross to bear and given options a through k I would pick a green woolly jumper and a reproduction walnut cane if it meant keeping hold of sanity and not growing hair on my teeth.

that doc last night was four short stories about forgiveness. one of them involved a guy in his late 40's/early 50's who had been traumatised since the age of 8/9 because one of his old teachers called him sparrow legs. the poor chap was lovely, if disposable and even started running round the world to demonstrate the gurth he had in them. He wrote to the teacher some 40 years later to ask for an apology. He got one. The response was timeless and made my belly shift. A true note with sincerity, a lyrical quip or 2 and an aplogy. Something’s do still confuse me but at least it all had a happy ending.

Perhaps there is a place for us gems after all.

If I were to be glorified I too would be humbled.

"you fall off, you die ergo:you are a fool"
magic, keep it up and I'll give ya page 6 in the prologue

btw he did have sparrow legs
x