Clapping with the right hand only will not produce a noise

Just felt obliged to keep you all updated on the whirlwind 24 hours that I will be having in a few hours time. Opted for the sensible Saturday yum yum salary opportunity and survived the whole day. Felt very hairy for a lot of the day and with the heat I did try to banish all notions that I should actually be out coasting the tarmac growling cheekily at all. Pub for some refreshment afterward at then into Putney for middle six. Arrived just as the cat had layed one on the freshly lenored up sheets of my hazy yet jingly older, yet no wiser cousin. We had a chat, including pearls about the benefits of vinegar, the price of chips and whether or not I was indeed the baddest man in the world. Anyway her “apart� other half came back with the terrors and I was given bay blade duty. If you don’t know then don’t worry. Despite my general and generic cack handed clumsiness I did actually manage to create both of the little gadgets. They eat whilst the two men went out to forage in the van. 1st stop 7/11. half a bottle of jack, some papers and cash. Next stop was to collect the toys ; successful in every respect . What happened next was quite odd. It was half nine, Saturday. I was in a fedex van in tooting. I think I had upset him by actually succumbing to sense and adorning my seat belt. “I can drive mate�. I know he can and I felt bad. Diesel went in and then the jet wash. The god damned jetwash. It had been a hot, pleasant day but it was a bit misty now, mini skirts THIS short wandering down the road with a cheeky hand tickling away from Mr Big. He got out and started to jetwash. I was a bit wonky by this stage and managed to slip into a nice little warm coma daydreaming about lovely things when I suddenly came to. He was beckoning for me to come outside. I knew that the first time but waited until the 6th before I plucked up enough inner strength to actually leave the cab. He handed me the pressure hose. Nice. I was tasked with spraying whilst he scrubbed. Not a bad deal but I never imagined that I would ever be here. The occasional surprise element. Good call boogaloo. He scrubbed, I battled with my aim and the marched on. My feet had got wet and I had now had as much fun as I wanted with the jet and the filth was not coming of. It was diesel, I know that, he knew that which did make me slightly put out by the whole thing. 10z of lard in the van, atmospheric miniskirts and tinkerbells, a shell garage and two men attempting to do the impossible. Sponges and vibrations are futile when faced with a genuine spillage and we left a short while later. I had clocked a car during the cold wash. I had noticed it. Wouldn’t normally be a strange thing but last night it was. As we drove off he said “did you see that car?, tidy wasn’t it!�. That’s when I knew that I was still a tiger inside. We continued to drive and he asked if I wanted to take a look. I said that we couldn’t possibly, unfortunate defeatist moment and he just tilted his head, crunched a gear and said “cause we can, just say now�. I said now and we took a peek. I took down the number. I felt naughty and spontaneous all at once. We stopped to have some toasted satay sticks and bumbled off back to the flat. I stayed for a while, played some tunes, assisted with the creation of an Easter bunny rabbit collage compromising of multicoloured hand prints created by wee little ickle ickle, titch territory paws. We had over 60 paw prints to pick from. You will not be surprised to hear that I enjoyed the creative semblance immensely. I have a keen eye for detail and looked the challenge straight down. I left, woke the world up in the 3rd and slept till 9.

A lot more happened but that is for later x

What beer do you drink?

The lad is fuelled with stronger stuff Mandinko... a terrific and ripping yarn as always Mr Sellers, sadly I have been on my tootsies all day and am about to "take the wooden hill to bedfordshire" as nanny once crooned, I shall peruse at leisure on the morrow and post a reply once my spirits have settled, It's been a rum old day..ttfn.
Alex.
ps jet wash=a bit rubbish, you should know this?! how quick the lessons are forgotten...

....boo boo alert

for the summertime it has to red stripe although this evening it has mainly been martini. One must keep a grip of all things special.

you have a good strong striding technique trooper but I would recommend the jopper / pims experience for the everlasting crinkle cut feel.

ps You know that I know x

ppss she was called Sandra and French. Lovely little wiggle and eyes to tuck you up forever.

richard++99p, 123*-*
Kooki Parisian Elder

Ah the martini JD combo is not for the unenlightened. I have found a new tipple in my search for local brews. Drinking something called chepouro last week, its a greek white spirit but not of the ouzo family. I discovered it after being proffered it by my taxi driver (he had to drive, he was so drunk I couldn't walk). We ended up dedicating Friday night to it, although I recall at some point on saturday morning we may have switched to an Absinthe called Van Gough (?) Interesting stuff, and deniable times. I really wanted to die on the return flight.

Your tale is as ever of interest, do go on to the next episode.

I have come away unscathed -yet again! from more diabolical beaurocracy, I wrestled the bitch to the ground with nowt more than a demi lord Nelson, a cutlass and a fridge magnet shaped like a baguette (or a beige turd as the inner adolescent observed) All in all the tourists were a varied and svelte bunch despite the obligatory undulating Americanos and a Spanish fellow mumbling ice cream, ice cream, you scream I SCREAM! I think he was one of these simpletons one heres so much about these days....and yes, he was overweight....and possibly dribbling. I did enjoy a particularly crisp beer opposite the Eifel Tower, the ambiance and dapplacious sunbeams only marred by a rather vulgar Italian couple (acid wash denim?!) and their poodle/child substitute "Enzo"....all three were dancing the grim fandango on a gibbet some hours later, friends in high places and all that. I followed some women around for a bit, taking in all the heady details and vowed to get myself another groovy slink (slinky groove?) ASAP.. ahhh the rich tapestry of our great cities consists of many threads, most of them young woman shaped and non of yer tat neither. I took the rue of Invalids, Babylon and then Dragon.....not paved with gold but certainly poetry. All in all a most enjoyable few hours..did I mention the modern art auction? no, oh well. Nearly caught a picture of a young Japanese student leaning on to a phallic bollard, however as a peeping tom and all round "dustbin mind" -courtesy my Grandmother- I do very well, as a chronicler of humanity in a Carteir Bresson style I do not rate as highly, trust me it happened. Now I realise you are a busy chap and have important items to attend to, so I shall tarry you no further!
Yours with a rich platter of sushi for 8euros (good)
and a pint of Let Africans Get Equal Rights for 7euros (bad)
Alex Y.
ps. for those interested I did see 2 monsters. I did not take a picture.

....oh, I forgot to mention, all round foul mouth and Rolly Polly Ducati Glasgow lass Betty O'donnell was over the moon with her pictures. bless.
AY.x

pleased you say? he is a sweetheart really, so much so that I might send him a Christmas card one year.

I would like to interject if I may with a little story about one mans search for the truth about the coloured particles of a teenage (well nearly) witch.

However as a special treat and just because you asked nicely I will briefly retort from page 1. I took a local rough and ready looking chap and we went off to look at the car. Now you need to bear in mind several things; I am about to violated by a big 12 foot cane in the courts, summer is coming, id like to move and buy/run/insure/moonwalk with a 748. All that said (plus more I will save you from) I am not in the market for four wheels/unnecessary expense (new leathers and gloves don't count obviously) but there we were.

The car didn’t look quite as tidy sober or with daylight but hey we'd made the effort, id made a withdrawal and the guy turned up. I snuck off on the pretence of calling a man for an hpi and two milky way bars later I had all the information. total loss. now at this point I was cool. it was a 7tonne snotter with 6 months ticket, a v5 and one of al's great Photoshop discs. It had wheels, started and for the omission of the total loss claim it was tidy. Being somewhat of a methodical chap I then thought best give the old nelly a ring to get a bit of that ass tickling quote me happy nonsense. It was an H plate 316i (lux so i was later was told and then forced into a WHOLE new quote) At 14 years old and having been driven like it was stolen for the last 130k miles I did make the point that any "lux" had well and truly now buggered off. Anyway they were happy but my man wasn't. We were absolutely NOT allowed to look underneath. Hence we knocked him out, called the cops and got to shake hands with det isp crabbage. In fact we just left the car and went home. Well we went to the pub, then a bike shop (just to keep on track) and then back to his for some Sunday beef and an informal chat with an elderly couple of crackers.

That was that. I have now decided that cars are pants and I will spend the cash on a trip to Honolulu and firteen dancing african grey's.

Anyway on to today’s fencing with the ever so lovely little Sabrina assistant type kitten that I have been sitting opposite for the past few weeks. Now first off she is not my normal type. In fact I am positively surprised at myself. It’s a good thing but a surprise none the less. I have been slicing and dicing a little more proactively of late and we have done several lunches, had a conversation ref the FB arrangement, bought each other biscuits and she has and continues to make fantastically regular tea. I like her. She’s cute, friendly, smiley, a little bit krazy but generally very very very f able AND pleasant. I DO APOLOGISE FOR THAT WORD, but hey, nothing else comes close does it!? Its her last week this week and that considered I hatched an attack late last week. It involved toning my cheek bones, saying “flipping� a lot, smiling at 8.30am and generally looking human by 8.45. Bless her, she is truly lovely and I intend to get the check mate by end of play Thursday. Its all about Thursday.

On another note saw a very eloquent apart in grove park. Bay windows, an on call maid and a twinkle sprinkle dusting of optulance.

Cheap meat never makes a good soup.

Ciao for now chaps

Richard at dawn
the spunky little mechanical miracle at dusk.

Oh and alex, if you kill me in a dream you’d best wake up and apologise x

[spacemonkey]

Originally Posted by Richard_S

Oh and alex, if you kill me in a dream you’d best wake up and apologise x

That's not Alex, that's me...

Anyway, the moral is, don't buy cheapo motors from dodgy types in this here Gotham City, unless it's from me of course.... Got nowt at mo' though...

Originally Posted by spacemonkey

That's not Alex, that's me...

He's a naughty monkey. So I take it you have found suitable emplyoment, or is she a fellow desk fetishist? Speaking of snakes I intended to see the Detroit Cobras but ended up watching two of peaches ex backing singers, both wearing latex, pouring wine over each other, miming... the usual female empowered blatant sexuality post femminism concept, a good thing too as they were both highly f uckable, and German, so probably quite filthy..all very mildly diverting..they turned out to be "cobra killer" not the De-troits...Now "Young-gay-Neil" usually has his shell likes welded to terra firma with the whole what's hot what's not from one day to the next lists but on this occasion he ballsed it all up somewhat. Bad luck as re the black mans wheels but nevermind, plenty more golden opportunities out there and I shall soon be around for tyre booting and general advice on De-lux, Ghia and Vanden-plas fittings.

It's all good, apart from some of it which will kill you, but that's pretty good too.

http://www.cobra-killer.org/ Penelope slip knot would no doubt be a "like hoooooge f*!king fan!" they are quite incredible specimens, the website is a bit lovingly bonkers and a "girl band" -hate that phrase! that release an album titled "the 3rd armpit" have to be cool.

Yours with a cuban heeled click.
Anonymous Yerbury.

well I've had a bit of saga this morning. lost all power on the way in, no pull at all. paddled her to work got soaked, now have ducati red arms on my originally white croxley shirt. left her for 10 minutes or so, fired her up. power back but lots of dirty smelly smoke. then 10 minutes later she seems ok. my front ht lead is well wobbly so hoping its that....any other ideas? felt like id lost a cylinder, perhaps a plug? she's in for service in 2weeks so a possibility.

in the words of our Scottish valeter "life's a beach, just don't tread on the broken bottles"

ugh

Roll on Thursday and keep us informed. I'm off now as I have a date with the cobra killers website and then have to pick up el heffe from the airport. God love rainy days with directors.

I dont know? I am not that smart as regards these ere computeroised boikes tho? Although the "dirty smelly smke" sounds terrifying! lees wobbly is better than well wobbly. I had a moment the other week, due to the leakage of the yerbury forks the disc became a tad sullied (I did not notice this at the time)....hmm "this is a bit soft thinks I?" I then proceed to bring in the lever adjuster, this seemed a bit better, suspected oil on the disc so grabbed the front, let the clutch out for a little bit of burn out larks to "via the power of friction" clean the disc..... then the bastard seized up so there I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bike that could not be moved. Then I rememberd the screwdriver that -for once- I had packed....for a moment though it was a bit touch and dont go! yes,I was a bit frightened as it was a very dark and stormy night, with proper owl noises.
AY.
ps what is croxley shirt?

We're liking the cobra killers, we're especially liking the one with the bob, we're not liking their website though. April 20 at 93 feet east sounds good, maybe give that a try. You have terrible woes Yerbs. Could the horrible cack be something to to with water in the places where it shouldn't be?