Just to let you know

Just joined forum. known about it for a while but never actually logged on so now I better introduce myself:

I am a Monster Dark 600 carb model ratbike. Did about 15000k commuting in 1 year. I always know where I am just never where the rest of the world is in relation to me. Oh bollocks, I forgot, I also have one of those human rider thingies. Any bikes out there know cheap way to get rid of a mild case of human? Tried the usual but it gives my paintwork a rash.