Thinking the unthinkable?????

[jerry]

Should i sell my Ducatis and and try something else ????? should i dump the wife and try someone different ???????/
when you prefer to be at work because its more exiting is there something wrong with me ???
i am not depressed again far from it , actually very calm and happy with life..... weird thing is that this year I have been really busy working and not enjoying time off ,would rather be at work than playing with my bikes or friends and family or anything else ???/
just cut short my recent break to go back to work early cos it seems more interestingand challenging ?

plus lure of money always seems like as good as ,love ,booze drugs bikes sex??

[Liz]

Should i sell my Ducatis and and try something else ????? should i dump the wife and try someone different ???????/
when you prefer to be at work because its more exiting is there something wrong with me ???
i am not depressed again far from it , actually very calm and happy with life..... weird thing is that this year I have been really busy working and not enjoying time off ,would rather be at work than playing with my bikes or friends and family or anything else ???/
just cut short my recent break to go back to work early cos it seems more interestingand challenging ?

plus lure of money always seems like as good as ,love ,booze drugs bikes sex??

What is your job?

[Capo]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

[jerry]

What is your job?

ROV pilot/technician thats remote robotic operated subsea machines for oil, gas, telecoms, salvage exploration etc

[jerry]

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence

sure is , and just as muddy

[Funkatronic]

sounds like a pretty interesting job and you get to live half the year in sunny places with good food. from where im sat (behind a computer in a room an a back of a railway arch in hackney with no natural light!) reckon you are doing ok

bit o balance is all you need i reckon, if you can afford to keep the bikes and try something different as a hobby for a while - do it

not that im advocating adultary (and ladies i know you are going to scowel at me for this as its a crass and vain thing to say- true never the less) but new female attetnion is never bad for your sense of wellbeing

[Blah blah]

plus lure of money always seems like as good as ,love ,booze drugs bikes sex??

I'm on half the salary I used to be on, but only out of the house for 8 hours a day at work instead of 12+.

I also no longer get calls about work in the evenings or at weekends, and with flexi I can now leave work at 3:00 to pick my son up from school on a Friday. Being paid lots of money was great, but when I used to leave the house, every one was asleep and when I got back some nights every one was asleep which is not much of a life. It's good that you enjoy your job, lots of people don't.

My change in circumstances means money is really tight at the moment, but I can't put a price on my new life style. I can be on the beach by 3:30 with the family and that means more to me than being able to afford the latest gadget that'll soon be out of date and replaced with something better next month.

So the lure of money is nowhere near as good as everything else for me (but could always do with a bit more cash...:spin:!)

[urbanfireblade]

Sounds like your bored with your home life. Alot of people get like that, but its unhealthy to be 'married' to your job, you need wind-down time to do your own thing. If you seriously think 'should i dump the wife?' then it sounds like your already past the point of trying so thats a whole seperate issue to deal with altogether.
If you've always had Ducatis then yes, try something different. Maybe get into traillies? Bmw R1150GS or Triumph tigers etc. The temptation to go down the sportsbike route is great, but from my experience you end up becoming too paranoid about being caught and speed brings lots of new dangers that, tbh is just not worth the risk, the days of empty country roads are long gone.
You just gotta find something that makes you happy thats all.

[Phatty]

I can't decide if you're completely mental or whether I'm just jealous that you enjoy your job.

I utterly despise my job, bores me to tears. But it pays OK and allows me to have expensive hobbies and holidays involving cars and bikes.

[BeePee]

Do it !
but get a Multistrada and don't come back for a year at least. Let us know how you get on, will be a good read.

Wee part story, guy I know, divorced young, sold the house, chucked the job, he's in the pub and his mate says what's up. "Thinking of going to USA on a road trip."His mate phoned him the next day (manager in an Audi dealership) "right that's me packed the job in, when we going ?"
Audi guy is still there, lives a life of luxury in Key West (where they ended up at the end of the road trip) and runs a sea plane business, he's had loads of different stars in his planes taking them to film sets and photo shoots.
Guy I know came back home.........divorced AGAIN and is currently organising to go and visit his buddy lol

[Thirdway]

Should i sell my Ducatis and and try something else ????? should i dump the wife and try someone different ???????/
when you prefer to be at work because its more exiting is there something wrong with me ???
i am not depressed again far from it , actually very calm and happy with life..... weird thing is that this year I have been really busy working and not enjoying time off ,would rather be at work than playing with my bikes or friends and family or anything else ???/
just cut short my recent break to go back to work early cos it seems more interestingand challenging ?

plus lure of money always seems like as good as ,love ,booze drugs bikes sex??

So, are you a) bored with home life and escaping it by working b) just really enjoying your job ?

[carlm]

ahhhh the oil patch......it's the weirdest and most abnormal existence and the truth be known only really understood by borderline schizo's (but meant in the nicest possible way).
I spend 6 months of my life in the same pond so I know where you are coming from, and the pond has just got a bit more interesting as I'll be earning my crust in about 11,300ft of water (so the bubbleheads are all getting well frisky).
Take it from me, there ain't nothing more important than your family, your friends, or your bikes...cos when the dust settles out there on the rig and you are not living your life out of the international departures lounge then people who do what we do have very little else to hold on to ....that is worth holding on to.

[He11cat]

I am a bad example :(
I often got very very work focussed to the point it took over my life.

I sometimes get fixated on work and other things and give it my all to the point its all consuming.
A bad fault of mine.

I now know I do this when I am desperately unhappy.

I threw myself into work when my marriage failed and was failing.
I then did it again when my last long term thing broke down... and was breaking down.
Its an escape for when I am unhappy.
It got me away from the house... and took my mind off things until it either failed or as I did with both got the hell out.

In the end I quit the relationship before I cracked up then got shot of the jobs.
I had those jobs I think as we just did not talk anymore and silent nights in front of a TV are not me.
I made out I loved those jobs as to kid myself as I felt I had little else to cling on to.

I kept the job that I loved and had reward and meant something to me.
I am on crap money but its buying me time to work out my next move...

The wife thing... I can hands on heart say I have never cheated on a soul its one of the worst betrayals you can find out.
If your unhappy and you can't fix it I think its best to be honest and end things.
Again life is too short. Yes its messy when a marriage or long term and the legal crap is just hell.
But to spend life in a loveless marriage ... no thanks. Never again.

Ive never been a quitter and try to fix or solve or make things work in life before I give up on it.
Often I waste far too much time and exhaust myself.

You have to decide , is this just a funny phase of uncertainty we all get or wether you really are unhappy.

why not swap one of the Dukes for something else fun and see where it takes you.
Then while your out on the new naughty bike think what's making you unsure or unhappy then you can make a start on fixing those part of life.

You need a change as for depression watch it sometimes we kid ourselves and sometimes it creeps up on you.

I sadly am one of those creative sorts .. we find it hard to settle and things bore us , my brain buzzes with so much stuff I can't switch off and chill.
If I was involved with a steady regular person who is easily pleased with their lot id be bored fast.
I often think I need a steady person to ground me .. but I drive them loopy and they do me.

I am not manic but I get frustrated with life so understand..
Im 40 and still am not sure what I want and don't think I ever will.

However a good fun bike , a job thats pays the bills but leaves you with spare time, and someone who's fun and a little bit demented as myself that understands your not perfect is 99% there :)

Life is short , good people are hard to find and sometimes you need some time out to find out where your at.
Don't be rash but don't get stuck in a rut!

[jerry]

I can't decide if you're completely mental or whether I'm just jealous that you enjoy your job.

I utterly despise my job, bores me to tears. But it pays OK and allows me to have expensive hobbies and holidays involving cars and bikes.

I do enjoythe job but sometimes its horrible like working in churning seas in sub zero temps or in the Persian gulf when its 111f in the shad and you can cook eggs on the metal bits , or other team members are Dikeads etc its not all good .

[urbanfireblade]

Bet the wife loved you cutting back on your holiday to go back to work, suprised she ain't given you an ultimantum!
Sell the Ducatis, try something different, get a bike with panniers, go off for a weekend somewhere, do something you wouldn't ever do.

[jerry]

My wife was dead pleased I was of to work,all i got from her for 3 weeks was the silent treatment,so I ignored her as well now that i have gone back to work she is all luvvy dovey ,she thinks I am seeing another woman , ( i am not yet) she is a good mother and is wonderful with our daughter who i also have a wonderful relationship with ,but has been neglecting her business and putting all the pressure on me , we dont have a sex life due to her health problems , and she thinks I should be a sex machine .ha ha at 54 I need a little encouragement and it aint little blue pills .divorce is not possible without my finances to pay her medical treatment she would die and then my daughter would lose her mum thats truly unthinkable
i went for a long ride today around sussex,and surrey on the M750 and mulled it all over I am putting unreasonable pressure on my self with targets and expectations and it sours everything i do so I need to live a little more in the moment ......off to a vessel on Monday for 4 weeks should have a nice ride again tommorow the Monster 750 is running sweetly

[BeePee]

I am a bad example :(
I often got very very work focussed to the point it took over my life.

I sometimes get fixated on work and other things and give it my all to the point its all consuming.
A bad fault of mine.

I now know I do this when I am desperately unhappy.

I threw myself into work when my marriage failed and was failing.
I then did it again when my last long term thing broke down... and was breaking down.
Its an escape for when I am unhappy.
It got me away from the house... and took my mind off things until it either failed or as I did with both got the hell out.

In the end I quit the relationship before I cracked up then got shot of the jobs.
I had those jobs I think as we just did not talk anymore and silent nights in front of a TV are not me.
I made out I loved those jobs as to kid myself as I felt I had little else to cling on to.

I kept the job that I loved and had reward and meant something to me.
I am on crap money but its buying me time to work out my next move...

The wife thing... I can hands on heart say I have never cheated on a soul its one of the worst betrayals you can find out.
If your unhappy and you can't fix it I think its best to be honest and end things.
Again life is too short. Yes its messy when a marriage or long term and the legal crap is just hell.
But to spend life in a loveless marriage ... no thanks. Never again.

Ive never been a quitter and try to fix or solve or make things work in life before I give up on it.
Often I waste far too much time and exhaust myself.

You have to decide , is this just a funny phase of uncertainty we all get or wether you really are unhappy.

why not swap one of the Dukes for something else fun and see where it takes you.
Then while your out on the new naughty bike think what's making you unsure or unhappy then you can make a start on fixing those part of life.

You need a change as for depression watch it sometimes we kid ourselves and sometimes it creeps up on you.

I sadly am one of those creative sorts .. we find it hard to settle and things bore us , my brain buzzes with so much stuff I can't switch off and chill.
If I was involved with a steady regular person who is easily pleased with their lot id be bored fast.
I often think I need a steady person to ground me .. but I drive them loopy and they do me.

I am not manic but I get frustrated with life so understand..
Im 40 and still am not sure what I want and don't think I ever will.

However a good fun bike , a job thats pays the bills but leaves you with spare time, and someone who's fun and a little bit demented as myself that understands your not perfect is 99% there :)

Life is short , good people are hard to find and sometimes you need some time out to find out where your at.
Don't be rash but don't get stuck in a rut!

What you doing next Saturday night ? :-)

[He11cat]

PMSL at above .... You'd need to be mental or short sighted :) pref both.
Any person who can put up with me for more then 3 months deserves a medal.

[He11cat]

Jerry thats so much to cope with and brave for even saying all that.

Firstly trying to look at both sides ..
If your wife is Ill possibly worried about it and now thinks your up to no good it may be why she is letting the business slide.
Some people are feisty , and would work at the business side , do the best they could with ill health.
And find out why hubby is not right.

Others if ill get to a stage ( maybe you did when you where depressed) where you give up... can't be arsed to do anything , coupled with the worry the husband may be playing away .. just think Why? and what's the point.
If she thinks he's messing about he may go and she is reliant on you for health care she may be really worried sick.

You sound like you have the troubles of the world on your shoulders.
I am not a doctor but you sound like you may have a bit of depression creeping back.
The things you are saying your feeling point a little to it creeping back , you know sometimes it just creeps up on you ..
Targets and expectations again ... can be good , but again if your feeling blue and setting your self up to fail or not meet your expectations again your going to feel under pressure and again the blues could come back. Souring everything you do .....
Then your going home unhappy , your not happy , bet your wife is picking up on that and again it turns into a big vicious circle.

The other big thing in this ....... your daughter.
I don't know how old she is but Children are often the first to pick up things are not right.
You both have her as well.
Sometimes they get over looked not on purpose but because parents have so many problems.

I know a lot of men refuse to talk about stuff , will go out , will tell someone else or hide behind their job,
You basically have one option here ...... and a toughy.
And there is no way you, your wife or your daughter can live like this.
Your going to have to talk to your wife.

Tell her why you are so fed up and your worries.
Both of you need to agree to do this with out accusing each other of stuff or getting heated.
Find out why she is letting the business slide... you may be surprised.

If not for you two but for your little girl.
I am lucky to have great parents inc a fab Step Dad who is my Dad to me.
But even when my folks got divorced and my Mum had remarried I recall the arguments they had its horrible.
As an adult I carry it about with me still .

You need to have some time out once in a while , both of you do.
You need to stop setting too high goals and expectations of yourself.
Goals you can realistically achieve are best ... but not ones that are a total walk in the park.

I do feel like you have something creeping up on you ... lots of tell tale signs there.
Nip it in the bud ... go to GP ... looking in I see it. Even if you think i'm not.

No one is to blame its a combination of people making for an unhappy house.

54..... your not old !!!!.... again if your feeling down of course your not going to be up to much...
Even more so if you resent your partner.
Oh no... at what age do chaps stop swinging from chandeliers and stuff???
If I find out there is not that much time left I am going to just join a convent now .. hmmph.

So try and have a serious talk , I think you need to have a test for depression again even if you think I am not!! it creeps up on you.

Cut yourself some slack... take time out , thats where the Monster is great!

This post at stupid am is due to insomnia.

[jerry]

Hellcat
insomnia thats a pain causes the black night of the soul to creep up on you ,my daughter is doing great she is the main communication link between mummy and me she is 13 , and see everything clearly , i am taking the meds to keep me calm and focused I know all the signs and i will not allow depression to win ,

[He11cat]

Insomnia and nightmares are my curse.
Oddly so it's when I sleep alone.
I used to borrow a good friend once or twice when it's real bad to kip round so I catch up on sleep! To talk rubbish all night.
Don't let it creep up...
It's a cruel chemical imbalance that taints the way people see and feel things.
Unless you have had it people just don't grasp it.
It's not a case of I feel fed up...

Children are perceptive souls often seeing through fronts.
I hope you can sort this .. Oh the happy pills don't always work or are the right ones.

I hope you all can pull together and talk it through.
I've commented as I hate it when people are sad, I had a crap marriage and it left me with major depression when I had to divorce. Never wanted to marry and divorce .
I as an adult struggle daily with childhood and what my Dad did to me and my mum.
He wasn't a bad man just impulsive and money driven, unlike his daughter .

[Thirdway]

I understand all the dark nights of the soul and have spent most of my life either in manic bursts of concentration and rabid excitement or feelings of total collapse, depression and paranoia which had me considering suicide at times. I managed to drag myself out of it time after time. I'm 52 and married, no kids.

Several years ago I changed jobs and with that I changed my life. I was devoted to helping people in small businesses to progress. I realised that it wasn't the business but their minds that worked against them, just as mine worked against me. It lead me on a succession of courses in order to help people get their mindset right and I discovered through doing that and working on other peoples problems that I was gradually working through my own.

These days I no longer have any of those symptoms. I learned deep meditation techniques combined with Spinal breathing and Pranayama. Now I have no unease, or at least if I do it's quickly converted. The manic sessions have all smoothed out, I do what I do and accept everything as it is.

I found the book 'loving what is' by Katie Byron to be helpful in getting a basic understanding of what the mind conjures up and some rough shod ways of beginning to separate ideas from self to be useful, not the whole answer just some tiny steps in a plan.

Sometimes it's hard to see, but the torture, pain and suffering were certainly the drivers towards something good. Without them I would have been lost. In time I learned to see life differently.

Might help I don't know. Wasn't sure I wanted to share this on an open forum, but it called out for some sort of answer in order to assure you that you are not alone in having feelings like that, or in that depth that causes a feeling of utter despair. There is light at the end of the tunnel if you start to look, if you have had enough of feeling like that.

[Funkatronic]

wheres the 'like' button for that last post

[Sirc]

I second that Funkatronic

[jerry]

Funkatronic is right on the money .........thanks mate