Male v female

[revver]

NOT MY JOKE GOT IT FROM ELSEWHERE.
MALE PROCEDURE:

1... Drive up to the ATM.

2. LOWER your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Raise window.

7. Drive off...

*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:

(Unfortunately, most of this is true..!!)



1. Drive up to ATM machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN ...

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required...

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to ATM machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23.. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and drive off.

25. Redial person on mobile phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.

27. Release Hand Brake.

[He11cat]

:)
Mine would be 7. swear at ATM, why do they have to build ATM'S so high off the ground!!

17 glance at slip and sling it in bag full of more slips and more bits of paper.

[bex]

Or if you're me its
- get to the toll gate in France/Belgium/wherever it was

Everyone else
- wait in queue of bikes
- hand over money
- take ticket
- ride on

Bex:
- cant get money out with gloves on but keep trying all the same
- admite defeat
- take gloves off
- hand over a random bundle of euros
- get ticket (and most of the euros back)
- drop ticket on floor
- get off bike
- reach under bike to retrieve ticket
- nice burning smell...singe leather jacket on exhaust link pipe
- get back on bike
- drop gloves
- get off bike and repeat

clever girl.

[benson]

I'm so with you Bex.....

[Char]

You should have seen me at the automated Euro Tunnel gate -

[neilo]

Along similar lines...

Even though I'm male, when I go riding with friends, I seem to be the one who takes the longest time to get ready to ride again after a stop... I have to go through a little ritual to get my brian into gear...not to mention I wear a helmet liner, Buff around my neck, sunglasses, connect my jacket to my pants, and sometimes listen to music when I go for a ride...all things my friends don't wear/do... I do feel a bit embarrassed about it at times, so I now tend to take as little as possible off at stops :chuckle:

[Altaian]

Along similar lines...

Even though I'm male, when I go riding with friends, I seem to be the one who takes the longest time to get ready to ride again after a stop... I have to go through a little ritual to get my brian into gear...

Neilo, It's all relative - no need to get embarassed - you're not alone. It takes as long as it takes, no point in getting flustered or worrying about stuff after you set off. What's a few minutes in a lifetime...

Or if you're me its
- get to the toll gate in France/Belgium/wherever it was

Everyone else
- wait in queue of bikes
- hand over money
- take ticket
- ride on

Bex:
- cant get money out with gloves on but keep trying all the same
- admite defeat
- take gloves off
- hand over a random bundle of euros
- get ticket (and most of the euros back)
- drop ticket on floor
- get off bike
- reach under bike to retrieve ticket
- nice burning smell...singe leather jacket on exhaust link pipe
- get back on bike
- drop gloves
- get off bike and repeat

Don't worry Bex, that's not restricted to being a 'Bex' trait. Apart from the 'burning smell', I had similar experiences last year.

To add to your list though, try pulling up to a toll booth with a full camping/touring load & drop your gloves. Not enough room to clamber off. So you waddle forward, only to find the impatient b'start behind you is right up your chuff & driven over your gloves... :nash:

It was a note to self - practice dismounting from the other side. I wasn't going to try fully loaded.

I also was at one toll booth in France, where the lanes were separated for quite a way by concrete barriers. The guy in front wanted to pay by a different means than the lane was sectionned for, and wanted to reverse all the way out. Now that was fun. Esp when he tried to reverse past me within the concrete barriers... Impatient Fecker. :Furious:

[revver]

It happens to us all, put helmet on forgot ear plugs take helmet off put back on with ear plugs sit on bike while warming put gloves on drop glove get off bike. repeat its annoying.

[uksurfer]

You should have seen me at the automated Euro Tunnel gate -

yes, i did, i also laughed at the fact that i got straight through :thumbsup:

[Sirc]

Just to try and restore the balance -

Put on bike gear, get keys, lock up house, put keys in Ducati ignition, waddle to end of drive as it's 8 a.m. on a Sunday.
Go to start bike but find it's the key to another Ducati with a similar keyfob..
Park bike, walk 50 odd yards past mystified early rising neighbours and help them start the day with laughter as I explain.
Unlock door etc etc :fou:

[JerryT]

:thumbsup: Priceless! - All of you!

You've just brightened up my lunchtime considerably!

:D:D:D:D

[JerryT]

Forgot to add that my particular speciality is having to remember to take glasses off in order to put helmet on; place glasses on some part of bike where they won't fall off due to bike vibrating; put helmet on; put glasses on just before they fall off the bike (not always achieved); remember to DO THE STRAP on the helmet; adjust glasses so they're in front of my eyeballs... now remember to put earplugs in... DOH!!! :cry:

[the_adam]

- cant get money out with gloves on but keep trying all the same
- admite defeat
- take gloves off
- hand over a random bundle of euros
- get ticket (and most of the euros back)
- drop ticket on floor
- get off bike
- reach under bike to retrieve ticket
- nice burning smell...singe leather jacket on exhaust link pipe
- get back on bike
- drop gloves
- get off bike and repeat

clever girl.

Sounds strangely familiar...This is why I refuse to use those petrol stations where you have to pay through the window as you leave, can't imagine who thought they'd be a good idea :chuckle:

...going from the original post, does this mean I qualify as female? :eyepopping:

[Char]

Ahh yes the old putting your gloves on then remembering you've not got key out your pocket or done up helmet

[Altaian]

Ahh yes the old putting your gloves on then remembering you've not got key out your pocket or done up helmet

Almost as embarassing as sitting on the bike & setting off the alarm. Then realising the keyfob is in an internal jacket pocket! :nash:

Off come the gloves, Backpack gets unpopped, jacket unzipped, fumble in pocket, locate and turn off alarm.

Meanwhile knowing EVERYONE is looking at you...

Then reverse above, and start again...

Oh, then pray you don't stall whilst you try to set off discretely...

[utopia]

Having just got my winter hack dominator back on the road, my regular one goes along the lines of...
Set off and arrive at first junction, where the engine dies.
Fiddle with choke and thumb the starter a few times, with only partial success.
Then reach down and switch the petrol on, having forgotten that the dommie doesn't have a vacuum operated tap.
Repeat on return journey.

[MrsC_772]

In the last week I have managed:
- to ride 100 yards down the road before realising my rucksack (with office clothes, lunch etc) was still on the garage floor;
- to push bike out of garage, put all gear on, close garage door, and then realise bike keys were still in the garage!

Have also been known to do a JerryT (glasses, earplugs etc), especially when about to leave work in the evening.

[woody71]

26. Drive for 2 to 3 kilometres.

27. Release Hand Brake.



HOW VERY TRUE ! :chuckle: