gremlin
27-08-2008, 06:11 PM
The story is familiar, the characters etched on our memories, but times have changed.
Nelson: 'Order the signal, Hardy.'
Hardy: 'Aye, aye sir.'
Nelson: 'Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning
of this?'
Hardy: 'Sorry sir?'
Nelson (reading aloud): '' England expects every person to do his or her
duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious
persuasion or disability.' - What in God's name is all that gobbledegook?'
Hardy: 'Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, Sir. We're an equal opportunities
employer now and we had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the
censors, lest it be considered racist.'
Nelson: 'Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.'
Hardy: 'Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free
working environments.'
Nelson: 'In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
mainbrace to steel the men before battle.'
Hardy: 'The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the
Government's policy to combat binge drinking.'
Nelson: 'Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with
it........... full speed ahead.'
Hardy: 'I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this
stretch of water Sir.'
Nelson: 'Order the signal, Hardy.'
Hardy: 'Aye, aye sir.'
Nelson: 'Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning
of this?'
Hardy: 'Sorry sir?'
Nelson (reading aloud): '' England expects every person to do his or her
duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious
persuasion or disability.' - What in God's name is all that gobbledegook?'
Hardy: 'Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, Sir. We're an equal opportunities
employer now and we had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the
censors, lest it be considered racist.'
Nelson: 'Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco.'
Hardy: 'Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free
working environments.'
Nelson: 'In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
mainbrace to steel the men before battle.'
Hardy: 'The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the
Government's policy to combat binge drinking.'
Nelson: 'Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with
it........... full speed ahead.'
Hardy: 'I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this
stretch of water Sir.'