In a train...

[mrtony]

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Frenchman is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.

The old lady thinks "I bet that Frenchman fondled the blonde in the dark and she slapped him"

The pretty young blonde thinks " I bet the Frenchman tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him"

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that Englishman fondled the blonde in the dark, but the blonde thought it was me and hit me"

The Englishman thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that French bloke again"

[squiffything]

hee hee hee

One that turned up this morning:

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on
board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and
the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time.
He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an
Irish lorry driver pulls over.

"Where are you going ?" asks the Irish chap.

"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the
driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."

"Happy days," says the Irish fella, and loads the monkeys onto his truck
and gets on his way.

The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a
good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the
motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him
down again.

"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester
Zoo !"

"I did," says the Irish fella, "but there's still fifty quid left so now
we're going to Alton Towers."