The Battered, Bruised, Beaten & Defective Bikers Club….

[Didge]

Right, the Weekender approaches, and we need to know who considers themselves as suitable for membership in our little group.
To qualify, one must have bits that are missing, replaced, permanently ‘not quite right’, or not working properly. Walking ‘rebuilds’ are particularly welcome. One must also be a UKMOC member, have a sense of humour and denounce political correctness, as we will be p1ss taking like a bastard.
Sorry, but the following ‘defects’ do not qualify for membership in our elite club:-
Wearers of glasses (about 30% of UKMOC), fat bastards (sorry Terry), ugly gits (sorry Ped), dodgy show-offs (sorry Nattyboy), nerds, geeks, neurotics or cretins. Except Banshee of course, who will have honorary membership and be the club mascot, because of the fact that he seems to be on another planet half the time, which in turn has impaired his sense of balance whilst hooning along race circuits. He probably thought he was drinking at bar at the time.
Disgustingly decrepit disrepaired bikes with bits falling off, also do not qualify their owners for membership. (Sorry Ade). It can only be the members themselves who are disgustingly decrepit, disrepaired and have bits falling off to qualify.
So, please feel free to apply to join the B.B.B & B.B.C. by adding your names, defects and inabilities below.

Didge – Totally knackered and bent left wrist, containing titanium bracket and screws. Totally unable to enjoy ‘reciprocating pleasures’ whilst looking at pictures of Sophia Loren in basque and suspenders. This is because I’m right handed, and use of the left hand was thus like using someone else’s. Useing the right wrist is NOT the same, believe me.
Gary T – Leg replaced by a CyberDynes System T-800 model (allegedly). Unable to walk in a straight line above normal walking pace. This is due to the fact that our Gary likes his beer, and whilst most of him is somewhat blathered much of the time, his leg can’t get drunk.
Nonnie – Severe wrist damage caused through trying to slow her somewhat rapid forward progress on a mini-moto, by using her wrist as a braking system. A somewhat effective method of vehicle retardation, that can unfortunately only be used once, as it tends to hurt. On the plus side, a free helicopter ride is sometimes had by those who utilise the wrist retardation method.
Note:- you can only join us Nonnie if your wrist still gives you gyp. We cannot except semi-permanent crips in our club I’m afraid. Gary T and I, may need to diagnose your brake system….er..wrist before full membership can be granted.
Martin B (S4 Mad) – Lying in hospital at this very moment recovering from a hip/pelvis rebuild. After full recovery, he will no doubt give Gary T a run (sorry) for his money in the limping in circles whilst p1ssed stakes.
Banshee - Club mascott and honorary member. But only when he's aware and sober, which isn't often.(Allegedly).

Please feel free to add your name to the list if you meet the above criteria. We welcome all new members with vast bouts of p1ss taking, pointing at your defective bits and laughing in a totally un-pc manner. So you will feel very comfortable with us.

[Nonnie]

Errrr, you better ask Emilys Driver if my wrist is OK!

[Paranoid Dave]

I've got a dodgy back today after foolishness on Nonnies new trampolene yesterday, but i guess that don't count.

[ricky]

Me and my wee monster have had a busy few weeks since i passed my test driving everywhere in every sort of weather to all sorts of places and no matter were we go all i get is abuse!! So i dont expect any different at the weekender!! You see im pretty short and im stretched out like mad on the bike, my toes barely touch the floor at lights, my leathers are badly fitting when im off the bike oh and worst of all its RESTRICTED!! Money will sort them all out but not before the weekender!! So be nice, you've all been warned what to expect!! :D

[Nonnie]

Well, if you will insist on forward flips Dave.................

[Didge]

Errrr, you better ask Emilys Driver if my wrist is OK!

Don't worry Nonnie, we will.:D

I've got a dodgy back today after foolishness on Nonnies new trampolene yesterday, but i guess that don't count.

No Dave, it does not, and neither does owning a somewhat limp looking lilac motorcycle in minature I'm afraid :ymca:, but you don't need to feel left out. I always take the p1ss out of you anyway.:chuckle:

[Banshee]

I'm honoured... cool.

4 pint limit this year and no spirits. honest.

looking forward to seeing you all

me. x

[Paranoid Dave]

No Dave, it does not, and neither does owning a somewhat limp looking lilac motorcycle in minature I'm afraid :ymca:, but you don't need to feel left out. I always take the p1ss out of you anyway.:chuckle:

I know you do darling, its all part of your attraction ;)

[Didge]

Me and my wee monster have had a busy few weeks since i passed my test driving everywhere in every sort of weather to all sorts of places and no matter were we go all i get is abuse!! So i dont expect any different at the weekender!! You see im pretty short and im stretched out like mad on the bike, my toes barely touch the floor at lights, my leathers are badly fitting when im off the bike oh and worst of all its RESTRICTED!! Money will sort them all out but not before the weekender!! So be nice, you've all been warned what to expect!! :D

Hmmm. I don't think that being a short-ar*e in badly fitting leathers qualifies. Mind you, riding a Monster that's restricted sounds interesting. You may yet qualify on mental grounds, we'll have to see.
I'll discuss the matter with my bio-mechanical mate Gary T at the Weekender, but please don't raise your hopes just yet, as we are very strict as to qualifications for membership. Banshee is a special case of course, and we're rather fond of the somewhat unbalanced (mentally & pysically) little man.

[Didge]

I'm honoured... cool.

4 pint limit this year and no spirits. honest.

looking forward to seeing you all

me. x

You're welcome Bansh. We like you (in a non-gay way of course) as you are, (slightly unbalanced), but preferably a bit more sober than last year.;)

[gary tompkins]

Nice one Didge... do we get a little badge? :thumbsup:

Getting too pi*sed in my already half legless situation does have it's drawbacks, and some adwantages too. Managed to strap it on back to front once for a giggle, and demonstrated walking in little circles to a crowd of equally pi*sed up mates at a rally... Ahhh happy days :D

Maybe I could borrow my mate Phil (a fellow legless rasberry's) T-shirt?

It reads... I'm not a complete idiot - some parts of me are missing :chuckle:

[Gilps]

I wish I was coming to the weekender then maybe I could join. I cut my forefinger on my right hand in half last year. That's in half lengthways, not "across the grain" as we say in our line of work. I opened the finger up right down to the first knuckle. The docs managed to salvage the first 2 thirds of the finger but the damned thing wont bend now. I used to brake with only the 2nd and 3rd fingers before so it hasn't changed things much there then. The wierd thing is that I can't wrap the finger around the throttle properly so when I roll of the throtle the empty end of my glove gets caught on the top of the brake lever. Most amusing.

[Didge]

Nice one Didge... do we get a little badge? :thumbsup:


I think we should, in addition to the ones that 'trampoline lilac Dave' is making.
He's probably far to busy, bless, so I shan't ask him. I'll see if I can knock something up. Won't be as good as his tho', because of me wan...er.. wonky wrist.

[Didge]

I wish I was coming to the weekender then maybe I could join. I cut my forefinger on my right hand in half last year. That's in half lengthways, not "across the grain" as we say in our line of work. I opened the finger up right down to the first knuckle. The docs managed to salvage the first 2 thirds of the finger but the damned thing wont bend now. I used to brake with only the 2nd and 3rd fingers before so it hasn't changed things much there then. The wierd thing is that I can't wrap the finger around the throttle properly so when I roll of the throtle the empty end of my glove gets caught on the top of the brake lever. Most amusing.

Bugger! Shame you're not gonna be at the weekender Gilps, because you would qualify, in a minimalist manner so to speak, and we do need to boost membership.
We'll have a drink to your non bending digit, and metaphorically 'flip you the finger' for not being there.

[Lost Again]

... but do I qualify?
I've got a big purple scar that covers most of my right knee from tarmac surfing. its all wrinkly and looks like old man skin... (no offence didge).
I've also got knackered joints from falling off various things. My right ankle, knee and hip click really badly when I get up in the mornins or just seize up when its cold and my left shoulder keeps trying to jump out of joint.
Very minor I know but I'm only 21!!

So wadaya say, have I got a chance?

[Didge]

... but do I qualify?
I've got a big purple scar that covers most of my right knee from tarmac surfing. its all wrinkly and looks like old man skin... (no offence didge).
I've also got knackered joints from falling off various things. My right ankle, knee and hip click really badly when I get up in the mornins or just seize up when its cold and my left shoulder keeps trying to jump out of joint.
Very minor I know but I'm only 21!!

So wadaya say, have I got a chance?

Lost Again,you qualify as a 'minor member'. Welcome to the fold.

IMPORTANT:- All those who are members or want to apply for membership of the B.B.B & B.B.C.,please post a pick of yer ugly mugs, as I'm making us up some 'Battered Badges'.

[BoozyBOB]

can i nominate a new member...Mrs Boozy... she must be defective (in the head)...she loves me...(and thinks Didge is funny) ...



(two wrongs don't make a right) as my mum said

[steve wright]

I wasn't planning to make the weekender but your "little group" is sounding quite attractive (sic). I've had 3 fractured vertebrae, a cracked pelvis, broken both feet (seperate incidents) tendonitis, bronchitis, a trapped shoulder nerve (two years), an unusual rash of raised welts covering 90% of my body, which the doctors couldnt explain, I once forced a knitting needle through my middle finger whilst trying to remove a stuck pellet from an air gun (drunk), i fell off a cliff once in majorca,and when only 5 trod on a 4 inch nail which pierced the bottom of my foot, came out the top, and my dad considered a plaster on both sides adequate!. Unfortunately i have very little to show for all this, just some small scars, but i was arrested once (well 3 times actually) for inciting a riot in manchester, (I got off!). Do I qualify as a junior member maybe? Oh yes, and when i put my mind to it I can drink like fury, so I probably have some liver damage.
What do you think?

[Didge]

can i nominate a new member...Mrs Boozy... she must be defective (in the head)...she loves me...(and thinks Didge is funny) ...
(two wrongs don't make a right) as my mum said

Bob, accusing one's wife of lunacy, is tantamount to an early death methinks. I hope for your sake that she doesn't lay eyes on your post, but maybe Mrs Boozys eye sight isn't quite as good as she thought. That would explain why she loves you. Either that or she just pities you. :D
Sorry, but bad eye sight and/or a pitying nature is not sufficient reason for membership.

[Didge]

Let's welcome our latest battered member Steve Wright.

Here is the latest updated list of sorry souls and the walking dead:-

DIDGE – Totally knackered and bent left wrist, containing titanium bracket and screws. Totally unable to enjoy ‘reciprocating pleasures’ whilst looking at pictures of Sophia Loren in basque and suspenders. This is because I’m right handed, and use of the left hand was thus like using someone else’s. Using the right wrist is NOT the same, believe me.

GARY T – Leg replaced by a CyberDynes System T-800 model (allegedly). Unable to walk in a straight line above normal walking pace. This is due to the fact that our Gary likes his beer, and whilst most of him is somewhat blathered much of the time, his leg can’t get drunk.

NONNIE – Severe wrist damage caused through trying to slow her somewhat rapid forward progress on a mini-moto, by using her wrist as a braking system. A somewhat effective method of vehicle retardation, that can unfortunately only be used once, as it tends to hurt. On the plus side, a free helicopter ride is sometimes had by those who utilise the wrist retardation method.

MARTIN B (S4 Mad) – Lying in hospital at this very moment recovering from a hip/pelvis rebuild. After full recovery, he will no doubt give Gary T a run (sorry) for his money in the limping in circles whilst p1ssed stakes.

GILPS – Has a penchant for finger slicing, and as a result of treating his forefinger like a ham, is missing a large slice (sorry) of said digit. Don’t ask him for directions, because he is unable to ‘point’ you in the right direction.

LOST AGAIN – Now this man is a classic sad case. A bit like our Banshee, he is unable to stay on things without falling off, and as a result, despite being only 21, most of his joints are the equivalent of a 70 year old. If you hear a noise like gears graunching, it’s not someone being unsympathetic to their gearbox, it’s probably Lost Again walking up to the bar.

STEVE WRIGHT – Now our Steve is a walking disaster area. According to all natural laws, this man should be deceased. Three fractured vertebrae, a cracked pelvis, both feet broken, tendonitis, bronchitis, a trapped shoulder nerve, and using his foot as a pin cushion are just a few of his mishaps. The fact that he freely admits to “having little to show for it, just a few scars”, and is still walking about, is cause for some concern. Has anyone met this bloke during daylight hours? Maybe he is deceased but doesn't know it.

BANSHEE - Club mascot and honorary member. Doesn’t manage to get a lot of things right. For instance, despite having an ‘off’ at Mallory on the track day, he limped away with no permanent injury. He had the chance then to be a fully fledged member of the B.B.B & B.B.C. but couldn’t even get that right, as a temporary limp does not a crippled biker make. Bless.
He keeps us amused with his silly hat and inane ramblings, and so we’ve given him the honorary membership for his natural idiocy because we are genuinely sympathetic to those less fortunate than us, but we wouldn’t have him any other way.

[bignj]

Shame I won't be at the weekender I think I would be a welcome addition to your merry band.

When I was 18 I wrote off a Transit van and in the process my leg. After 2 years on the injured list, 6 x 8" pins holding it together, several ops including Bone, muscle, skin and Vein grafts I now have a leg about 1" shorter than it's intacked mate, an ankle with only 60% movement (ok till I walk up steep hills) and enough scars that if put end to end would be taller than me (6ft)

Hope that's enough to join B.B.B.& B.B.C, put me down for a badge for the 2007 Weekender!

[Banshee]

I wish I was coming to the weekender then maybe I could join. I cut my forefinger on my right hand in half last year. That's in half lengthways, not "across the grain" as we say in our line of work. I opened the finger up right down to the first knuckle. The docs managed to salvage the first 2 thirds of the finger but the damned thing wont bend now. I used to brake with only the 2nd and 3rd fingers before so it hasn't changed things much there then. The wierd thing is that I can't wrap the finger around the throttle properly so when I roll of the throtle the empty end of my glove gets caught on the top of the brake lever. Most amusing.

Can you not send your finger to the weekender? If you want to post it to me i will take it along, brob come in handy for scratching and picking.
Worth a thinking about.

Banshee xx

[Banshee]

Shame I won't be at the weekender I think I would be a welcome addition to your merry band.

When I was 18 I wrote off a Transit van and in the process my leg. After 2 years on the injured list, 6 x 8" pins holding it together, several ops including Bone, muscle, skin and Vein grafts I now have a leg about 1" shorter than it's intacked mate, an ankle with only 60% movement (ok till I walk up steep hills) and enough scars that if put end to end would be taller than me (6ft)

Hope that's enough to join B.B.B.& B.B.C, put me down for a badge for the 2007 Weekender!

Sounds just like mine.

Didge, are you telling me you aint seen my leg??????? its worst then GT's.

[Didge]

Sounds just like mine.

Didge, are you telling me you aint seen my leg??????? its worst then GT's.

Bansh, I know nothing about your leg, and that's probably a good thing, but I digress.
Are you going to tell me that you qualify to be a full member rather than our mascot? Please explain, but not in too graphic detail......I'm having my lunch.
Good suggestion concerning Gilps' finger, by the way. It would come in handy.

[Banshee]

London Lunch 12 till 4?

Yep i can join as a full member (full member, he he) but its more of a visual thing. I'm Sure someone can second the motion (motion, he he). Or i'll stick with being the club Gimp for now. And be awarded bestest battered up ba*tard in the club or whatever its called on the weekender. I'll at least come a close second to kev bunny's face. he he.

[Didge]

London Lunch 12 till 4?

Yep i can join as a full member (full member, he he) but its more of a visual thing. I'm Sure someone can second the motion (motion, he he). Or i'll stick with being the club Gimp for now. And be awarded bestest battered up ba*tard in the club or whatever its called on the weekender. I'll at least come a close second to kev bunny's face. he he.

Yes, I think we'll keep you as our Gimp mascot for the time being. The B.B.B & B.B.C. commitee will have to examine your appendage (he he) more closely at the Weekender. But not too soon before dinner.

As for the "London lunch":-
1) I don't live anywhere near London. I'm far over the other side of the M25.
2) You forget, I'm semi-permanantly retired, so I can near enough do what I want, when I want.:thumbsup:

[Gilps]

Can you not send your finger to the weekender? If you want to post it to me i will take it along, brob come in handy for scratching and picking.
Worth a thinking about.

Banshee xx
I'd love to help you out but we never did find the rest of it. By slicing it in half lenghtways I removed the end section and messed up the middle bit too. The bone was never found. The remaining bits were then removed under surgery so I presume those parts were sent to the local dog food farm, or whatever the hospital does with body bits. I then had it shortened again under surgery last year as they had left too much on, plenty of fleshy bits but no bone inside it. It was quite amusing at parties as I could bend the final 2 cm of finger any way I wanted to. What's left still won't bend though. I'm considering having whats left taken off completely and obviously if I do I will send you the balance of said digit.

[queen_gpants]

er Didge, can girls join this club too?

In the last 5 years I've fractured my left scaphoid, broken ribs, broken left Fibia, compressed and fractured vertebrae, crushed pelvis and crushed left forearm and torn a hole in my left groin.

As a child I fell 10 feet down a rocket shaped climbing frame and landed on my head, was hit over the head with a hammer when I was 6 by some psycho kid who lived next door to my granny (hmmm 2 head injuries that explains a lot :twak: ) had major surgery on both knees when I was 14 and 15(got some very cool scars)

I'm sure there are others but I think that might just about qualify me for membership? :p

[Pedro]

Didge

I think my Dad would qualify.....

Not content with sticking his thumb in a circular saw about 12 years ago, he stuck three fingers in said saw (spinning at about 15000 rpm....) last year, just knicking two but albut severing the third. It was only held on by skin when he went to the hospital. While the surgeon was sorting it, my dad looked over the little screen to see his middle finger folded sideways so they could clean up the bone before sticking a wire through his finger from the tip to the knuckle and apply about 30 stitches plus a few in his other two fingers. It was messy..... He did say that the extraction of said wire was an "interesting" experience. He expected the surgeon to don his gloves and use some nice stainless pliers to remove it. Instead, he reached in his desk for some rusty old cutters and proceeded to twist and pull the wire out (about three inches long...). Apparently it got quite hot when twisting against the bone and he had to stop every so often. After 18 months of recovery, movement is very limited and it looks like he's flicking the bird to someone if he's not careful and the clutch on his bonnie now has lightweight springs.

Oh, and his finger is about 3mm shorter now which, unsurprisingly, was exactly the width of the saw blade......

Does he qualify as a fringe member of your minority group? He doesn't ride a Monster but his Bonnie is pretty cool....

Ped

[Nonnie]

er Didge, can girls join this club too?

:p
Oh Celeste........ You forgot about me. I'm in the club. In a manner of speaking. Not THAT club obviously.

Cool list of things wrong with you though.

I forgot to say as a kid I got kicked by a goat and still have a 4 inch scar on my left leg. Strangely it didn't put me off the little critters.

[Paranoid Dave]

... torn a hole in my left groin.

I didn't realise people had 2 groins? I've always felt something strange down there.

[queen_gpants]

Oh Celeste........ You forgot about me. I'm in the club. In a manner of speaking. Not THAT club obviously.

Cool list of things wrong with you though.

I forgot to say as a kid I got kicked by a goat and still have a 4 inch scar on my left leg. Strangely it didn't put me off the little critters.


Oh hun sorry, didnt mean to leave you out....got rather engrosssed (or should that be grossed out) by the finger slicing and other horrible things that have happened to people, makes my injuries look rather pathetic by half!

I'm glad to say I have recovered from most of these little mishaps, although the cold weather gets to my ankle and knees and I can't lift my arm left arm properly anymore, one reason why I now ride a monster instead of a big phat sportsbike!

I did forget one nasty little incident at school which has left it's mark...whilst running up some concrete steps in open toe sandals I tripped stubbing my big toe which was ripped backwards breaking the big joint, I can now make a really annoying clicking noise which drives Mr QGP mad! :chuckle:

[Paranoid Dave]

i feel like my body is in tip top condition after reading all of this, i've never had stitches or a cast and only ever fractured a collar bone. Maybe i need to live a bit more dangerously and take those sponges off my leathers.

[Nonnie]

Actually, right, my mate Duncan suffered a hernia shortly after his birth, then shortly after he was released home after the operation, the stitches burst open. The only way of saving his life was for the ambulance men to stitch him up there and then. Maaan you should see his stomach, full of ripples and mountains and scars and bits poking out. To cover it all up he had a tattoo of the solar system installed with the co-ordinates of Earth tatooed around his wonky belly button just so's if he ever got abducted by aliens, they could return him to the right place.

Now THATS gross but in a jolly slightly mischievious way.

[eonan]

Well, my body is in not too bad a condition eh, considering the way I've treated it for the past 6 years...how about a battered, bruised, beaten and defective mind? Does that count? In summary...after walking, erm staggering out of my job with Citigroup in London, I went travelling and ended up in Russia. I stayed there for two years working as the Art Director for this place www.cafeclubche.ru. My pay, was a 24/7 free bar. Somehow, I managed to get back to Scotland, where I was admitted to the Priory in Glasgow for 11 months...and now? Well, now I'm training to be a Psychotherapist, purely at some last ditch attempt to try and understand where things went so horribly wrong...oh and I bought a Ducati and now just seem to spend all my money buying sh*t for it.

I did break three of my fingers in Russia falling off a table dancing with Audrey Tautou...does that count?

[gary tompkins]

Oh Celeste........ You forgot about me. I'm in the club. In a manner of speaking. Not THAT club obviously.

Cool list of things wrong with you though.

I forgot to say as a kid I got kicked by a goat and still have a 4 inch scar on my left leg. Strangely it didn't put me off the little critters.

Is that where the imaginary goat rearing hobby comes in?

I suppose it'll give you the option of dishing out an imaginary kick in the arse as revenge? :p

[Nonnie]

Is that where the imaginary goat rearing hobby comes in?

I suppose it'll give you the option of dishing out an imaginary kick in the arse as revenge? :p
Well, I just clap and they fall over so no chance of me being kicked again. The World of Goats eh?

[manwithredbike]

i lost my torso in a steam roller accident. but i won't be at the weekender (for obvious reasons)

[claicerrig]

A GOG count?

Failing that how about :-

A REBUILT BOTTOM and INTERNAL STORAGE BAG complete with a VENT VALVE :toilet: :toilet: :woot: :woot: :woot:

Due to large intestine removal :eyepopping:

[Banshee]

As normal your talking sh*te. he he.

[Spud]

Don't want to be left out. Can't come to the weekender because of what's happening tomorrow.........................................

A nice man is going to knock me out, and drill 3 holes up through my femur (thigh bone) at about 45 degrees into the femoral head (hip) to drain an avascular necrosis (look it up, I had to!)

2 weeks off work, total of 6 weeks on crutches. And i know this hurts, cause the nice man did the same thing on the other side less than a year ago. Plus i managed to fit in a quick arthroscopy of the left knee on Valentines day.

Gently falling apart, but with great style!

See you at the trackday guys!

[Banshee]

Girls wound.

Didge, can we have if its done by a doctor it dont count rule, too many nambi pambi general anesthetic jobbys on ere. GIRLS.

Still think i'm winning. not thats its about first place but i am. he he.

[gary tompkins]

A GOG count?

Failing that how about :-

A REBUILT BOTTOM and INTERNAL STORAGE BAG complete with a VENT VALVE :toilet: :toilet: :woot: :woot: :woot:

Due to large intestine removal :eyepopping:

Hmmm... could be a useful modification for Didge :idea:

Does the vent valve come with adjustable release pressure? Something around a 200psi should give a good safety margin... err... on second thoughts better make that a 1000psi :on:

[Lady-Bob]

Do I qualify???

I've got someone else's Liver.

I think they threw mine in the bin... not sure... I was unconscious at the time. :on:

Huge ugly scar across abdomen and then up (surgeon's call it "the Mercedes Scar" :woot: )

Bikini days sadly gone... but I guess if i'm honest... my bikini days were gone long before then!!!! :p

[Ade]

My brother stuck an axe in my head when I was a lad, I remember having blood pouring down my face and Jim saying "dont tell mum", about the same time I put a garden fork through my foot.
Bike related accidents
Concussion (spelling, I put that down to the axe)
Fractured wrist
Fractured ankle.

As you know Phoenix is my hero, and her injuries make me a light wieght, I will let her spill the guts

[Chaos Inc.]

Does having plates in ankle, bolt through knee, skin held together by scars, bolted in teeth, being an ex-ballet dancer, ex forest fire fighter, ex-dj, ex high school teacher, ex-subeditor, present parts accesories manager with hobbies of cliff jumping and letting people swing steel weapons at me, while I hit them back, qualify on mental/physical grounds? I'm sure I forgot a few:confused:

[Didge]

My brother stuck an axe in my head when I was a lad

Well that explains EVERYTHING! But you're in.

er Didge, can girls join this club too?

In the last 5 years I've fractured my left scaphoid, broken ribs, broken left Fibia, compressed and fractured vertebrae, crushed pelvis and crushed left forearm and torn a hole in my left groin.

As a child I fell 10 feet down a rocket shaped climbing frame and landed on my head, was hit over the head with a hammer when I was 6 by some psycho kid who lived next door to my granny (hmmm 2 head injuries that explains a lot :twak: ) had major surgery on both knees when I was 14 and 15(got some very cool scars)

I'm sure there are others but I think that might just about qualify me for membership? :p

Celeste, battered / broken girlies are more than welcome. If we can put up with 'Disco Diva Nonnie' and her broken bits, we can put up with anyone.

Didge

I think my Dad would qualify.....
Ped

Ped, I'm sure your dad is far, far nicer than you are, but UKMOC membership is required.
Rules are rules. If we didn't have rules, then where would we be?.......That's right.....France.

A GOG count?

Failing that how about :-

A REBUILT BOTTOM and INTERNAL STORAGE BAG complete with a VENT VALVE :toilet: :toilet: :woot: :woot: :woot:

Due to large intestine removal :eyepopping:

Does a Gog count? That's a silly question Clai. Of course they don't. They're Welsh fer f**ks sake.
I have to say that your plumbing sounds intriguing to say the least....so you're in.

Bloody place is already filling up with Taffs & Jocks. Didn't take the bastards long did it? All we need now is a bloody Paddy to jump in.

[Didge]

Does having plates in ankle, bolt through knee, skin held together by scars, bolted in teeth, being an ex-ballet dancer, ex forest fire fighter, ex-dj, ex high school teacher, ex-subeditor, present parts accesories manager with hobbies of cliff jumping and letting people swing steel weapons at me, while I hit them back, qualify on mental/physical grounds? I'm sure I forgot a few:confused:

You Qualify C I. Yer in.

[Chaos Inc.]

Damn fine cup of coffee. Er... when does agent Cooper get out of the Black Lodge?

[Didge]

Do I qualify???

I've got someone else's Liver.

I think they threw mine in the bin... not sure... I was unconscious at the time. :on:

Huge ugly scar across abdomen and then up (surgeon's call it "the Mercedes Scar" :woot: )

Bikini days sadly gone... but I guess if i'm honest... my bikini days were gone long before then!!!! :p

You're in Bob.

[Didge]

Bloody hell, my little collection of walking spare parts is growing rapidly.
Here are the latest additions to our group of clunking, creaking body parts:-

QUEEN_GPANTS – Seeing as she’s one of my favourite UKMOC girlies, I’d have been most upset to have had to refuse Celeste membership of the BBB & BBC. Silly me for worrying so, as she’s done us rickety ones proud. In the last five years she’s done her utmost to ensure that she can limp along with the worst of us. In her own words, “In the last 5 years I've fractured my left scaphoid, broken ribs, broken left Fibia, compressed and fractured vertebrae, crushed pelvis and crushed left forearm and torn a hole in my left groin”. She’s also fallen on her head, and been whacked over the head with a hammer, so that explains a lot about the woman’s behaviour.
I look forward to discussing her groin injury in as mucky a way as possible at the Weekender.

CLAICERRIG – This sheep worrying Gog git from the Welsh valleys is always trying to impress us with his strange and rather guttural ‘Taffy language’, (or code as some of us call it). But what intrigues me most about our coal-faced friend, is that he is in fact, a human walking cess pit. He describes himself as having “A REBUILT BOTTOM and INTERNAL STORAGE BAG complete with a VENT VALVE”.
I knew our Clai was full of sh*t, and he can prove it while he walks around, gurgling and bubbling in the most festering manner.
I look forward to discussing these internal workings at the Weekender, in particular, the vent valve. That is if I can understand his throat-clearing language.

ADE – After the Taff comes the Jock. He of the tribes from up north who act hard, but wear skirts, and get great pleasure from ‘tossing the caber’.
He’s had an axe in his head, (the axe probably came off worse if the truth be known), and because of bike related accidents, has suffered concussion, a fractured wrist and a fractured ankle.
Sounds a bit like his bike, does it not? In fact, his is the only bike that could possibly lay claim to membership in the BBB & BBC. It is a mechanical spastic. It also has enough top soil covering it, that it could be used as a mobile allotment.


BOB – Another of my favourite UKMOC girlies.
Our Bob underwent a transplant operation last year, and is now walking around with someone else’s second-hand liver. She says “I've got someone else's Liver. I think they threw mine in the bin... not sure... I was unconscious at the time”.
No dear, it probably got sold to a London Underground canteen. Have you tasted their liv…..no, I suppose you’ve gone off it a bit.
She also reckons, that because of the operational scar her “Bikini days are sadly gone”. No Bob, us blokes will decide that one, right lads?
I’ll try and remember to put a bikini in my luggage that you can try on.


CHAOS INC – Is a rare breed. A noob to UKMOC with war wounds that shame a fair few established members. They include “having plates in ankle, bolt through knee, skin held together by scars, bolted in teeth”.
I wonder if the teeth are AF or metric? Sounds a bit like ‘Jaws’ from the James Bond movies, and thus, hard as f**k.
He then spoils it by admitting to being an ex-ballet dancer. Never mind, we’re all open minded here.
Open minded in our p1ss taking that is!!

[Bodybag]

I have three head scars, one from a metal bar :twak: , one from an ice rink and one from a grenade (Smoke, not HE!!). All relatively small though. I also have a scar on my leg from blowing myself up with a firework as a kid and scars on my hands from where I was glassed as a teenager (You've gotta love nights out in Leicester).

I also have a knackered left knee from too much skiing and parachuting.

I broke my right wrist in the same ice rink at the same time as I broke my head.

Ooh, and I currently have a broken elbow which wouldn't have happened if I hadn't gone to Ireland on Beelzebub Monster. The thread below explains that one better:

http://www.ukmonster.co.uk/monster/showthread.php?t=16716

I have to admit that none of them are as a direct result of biking but they still hurt and I do walk round in circles cos of my knee. Is this enough or do I need to jump back on the bike tomorrow and get some really nasty gravel rash from trying to wheelie one handed or something? :on:

Phil

[slob]

I broke my toe when I was a teenager. Oh yeah and I've broken my left leg once and right leg in three places, broken my right arm, put 2 ribs into a lung and lost seven pints of blood! in the process. (Bike crash, 25 years ago this Sunday) Broke my right arm again eight months later, in a fight. I've broken my collar bone and my nose since, as well as having the cartilage out of my left knee due to snowboard jumping on a dry slope. Oh and I suffer from a bad back since landing badly after another bike accident in '97. Can I join?

[JMo]

Well, just got back from the X-ray department today... I have a feeling all that motocross last year has properly bu*gered my back... I keep getting these cronic muscular/nerve spasms, some days I can't bend or twist at all...

Am starting a back-reconditioning clinic tomorrow, and hopefully the results of the X-ray will show what is really the matter...

Do I qualify too then? it was an injury in persuit of glory at least...

xxx

ps. I've broken my left arm twice too, but that was on my mountainbike rather than a motorbike...

[benson]

I had really bad toothace last week and have had anti biotics - does that count? Oh yes - and hay fever???

Actually I am much impresesd by the membership qualifications and take my hat/wooden leg off to you all.
Long live the BBB and DBC!!!

[Paul Critcher]

Didge, i hate to steal everyones thunder, but my reason for not attending last years weekender was, wait for it, i had my right big toe nail (and the nail bed which means it will never grow back) taken off (under anestetic in hospital, pretty brave huh) and was unable to walk normally (sober) for 6 weeks.
what with this permanent disfiguement and the dodgy back this should put me just behind Mr tomkins in the battered & bruised etc club, what is it with Kent members,
See you sunday, Critch

[scrapps]

Does havin spleen removed due to miss calc with diving board count?:fou: removed in rush so now have scar from solarplex to groin and my belly button is now on right due to pull of scar :scratch:

[Didge]

Hmm. Some very interesting, (and not) new applicants. Unfortunatly, I no longer have the time to deal with new applicants, as I have no more time left.
But approach us at the Weekender, and we crips MIGHT allow you to share our table.

[Albie]

Didge, i hate to steal everyones thunder, but my reason for not attending last years weekender was, wait for it, i had my right big toe nail (and the nail bed which means it will never grow back) taken off (under anestetic in hospital, pretty brave huh) and was unable to walk normally (sober) for 6 weeks.
what with this permanent disfiguement and the dodgy back this should put me just behind Mr tomkins in the battered & bruised etc club, what is it with Kent members,
See you sunday, Critch
I too had this done on both feet. Hurts to buggery doesnt it.Also month before that went up tank on x5 and twisted bolloxs round three times. Ha ha. Ouchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:chuckle: Only 17 then :bunny:

[Banshee]

Didge, i hate to steal everyones thunder, but my reason for not attending last years weekender was, wait for it, i had my right big toe nail (and the nail bed which means it will never grow back) taken off (under anestetic in hospital, pretty brave huh) and was unable to walk normally (sober) for 6 weeks.
what with this permanent disfiguement and the dodgy back this should put me just behind Mr tomkins in the battered & bruised etc club, what is it with Kent members,
See you sunday, Critch

Had this done on both feet to, such a girls would i didnt mention it. sayin that it went wrong and some nail grew back and trust me some nail is worst than none.

Thinks its between myself and Gaz T. for first place.

I want to win a Ducati floppy hat for this years meets.

[bod]

Yep had this done on both toes too,and even watched as the Doc pulled it out with the pliers:cens:

Still gown back and living with it.....do I qualify?

Oh and I once had a paper cut on my little finger:rolleyes:

[Banshee]

As said its a girls one.