View Full Version : The IT guys strike back!
Tigerlily
22-06-2005, 01:49 PM
When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.
When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.
When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper term for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
lord vader
22-06-2005, 02:35 PM
just turn it off and turn it back on again!!!
I know this all too well. I work in IT and there are 3 of us suppporting 220 users in house. You should see and hear some of the things we have been asked
L
my favourite is still(after 5 years), Irate woman rings up and says "Our Internet connection is broken, I sent you an email about it two hours ago, why haven't you responded?" Some people just don't deserve help. Long live the BOFH!
manc skank
22-06-2005, 06:43 PM
server engineer here. i dont 'do' users :p :p
my fave is the ID 10 T error... :D
Gadget
22-06-2005, 07:23 PM
Similar here . We are 6.
3 first line and 3 Second line for about 1500 users.
I have to admit the funniest thing is where users try to talk techie........they dont f'kin need to, i speak their language.
The worst thing has to be users who call you at 4.50pm on a friday and say 'Oh i forgot to mention 2 months ago when i booked my trip, that i need a laptop. It needs to have this,that the other and a picture on my dog as wallpaper. C'mon get to it, my cans here in 10 mins'
Now they really get my goat up
IT.........Its a thankless job
Little Monster
22-06-2005, 09:33 PM
My IT dept will love this. I find they also like it when i take the p1ss out of them for being total geeks and being into archery, scuba diving, mountain biking and motivational team 'games'. bless em. I am an official 'friend of the geeks'. :D
My IT dept will love this. I find they also like it when i take the p1ss out of them for being total geeks and being into archery, scuba diving, mountain biking and motivational team 'games'. bless em. I am an official 'friend of the geeks'. :D
Whats wrong with Scooby Diving.....?
Black Ferret
23-06-2005, 09:30 AM
Whats wrong with Scooby Diving.....?
Yeah, scooby divin's fun. And what have you got against mountains?
I find they also like it when i take the p1ss out of them for being total geeks
Please try to remember that 'Geek' is a term of great respect.
ps. I am not a 'nerd'.
pps. Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
Little Monster
23-06-2005, 09:58 PM
nuthin against scooby doo-ing, mountain biking or archery - merely displaying the techies meeting the stereotype.
as i said, i am a friend of the geeks, gave one a lift home tonight and going to another's wedding in a few weeks. when i visit their office, i even have a go at answering the IT support calls, managed 3 calls once before i got rumbled (i know nothing about IT). turn it off and turn it on again got me through the first 2 calls. :D
Nonnie
23-06-2005, 10:09 PM
I had a stint at pc support. Worked for a company that designed the touchscreens for fuel pumps. Guy rings up, swears his head off at me and tells me there is an alarm going off and he doesn't know why but it means he only has 20 minutes of back up power left meaning he can't authorise the pumps. I listened to the alarm, realised it wasn't the program and asked if it was his fire alarm??? Well, yeah, it was. He never said sorry for losing it with me. IT's a thankless task, you're right.
A Yerbury
23-06-2005, 11:01 PM
I had a stint at pc support. Worked for a company that designed the touchscreens for fuel pumps. Guy rings up, swears his head off at me and tells me there is an alarm going off and he doesn't know why but it means he only has 20 minutes of back up power left meaning he can't authorise the pumps. I listened to the alarm, realised it wasn't the program and asked if it was his fire alarm??? Well, yeah, it was. He never said sorry for losing it with me. IT's a thankless task, you're right.
A fire alarm, an idiot in need of death and a petrol pump? you are indeed a saint...I would have given the fool 5 minutes of IT support piped music, sat back and savoured the sounds of conflagration and man screams (IMO)
till next time.
Alex.
A Yerbury
23-06-2005, 11:15 PM
My IT dept will love this. I find they also like it when i take the p1ss out of them for being total geeks and being into archery, scuba diving, mountain biking and motivational team 'games'. bless em. I am an official 'friend of the geeks'. :D
geeks? they sound more like james bond! for geeks see the ace cafe etc..... men with compensation issues peering at one anothers fuel maps!?
Axel.
MikeG
24-06-2005, 06:30 AM
My fave is the Manager that called to say the external CD drive was not working and never had after I rebuilt the laptop, this struck me as odd as I used the CD to rebuild it. Go to the desk and hes not there. I plug CD into PC and start up - hey it works! Manager comes back and shouts that the thing is a pile of cr*p and the IT guys dont give a sh*t, all IT staff are w**kers. I ask him (politely) to show me the problem with the CD."You fixed it - f**ing smart ar*e",
"Yes", I reply, "I plugged it in", walk slowly away grinning inanely.
Strange, he is no longer with the company - something to do with an attitude problem....
Gadget
24-06-2005, 01:19 PM
We just had a request for a fan because of the heat.
Why?
Because we deal with the desk top??
DesmoDog
24-06-2005, 01:50 PM
We just had a request for a fan because of the heat.
Why?
Because we deal with the desk top??
But what gets me is how can such thick people gets jobs that require the use of a PC. I hope you keep their extension numbers and goad them during quiet times.
Back in the days of 5" floppies and DOS we used to have great fun telling people that there was liquid in the disc drive and had they had their coffee too close? We'd then take out our "special" disc and insert with great ceromony. The disc set comand off that made the drive cycle like a washing machine and print to screen "spin", "rinse" etc. Never failed. Used to kill me. We also used to do a 90 mile round trip to our local water companies tourist shop to plug back in the modem that the cleaner had removed for her hoovering. Great.
Little Monster
24-06-2005, 10:05 PM
:p even tho they are my friends, largely cos their little quirks amuse me of course and because they are in awe of my social skills (bless the geeks) ...... there is an over representation amongst their kind i have found of, as well as the incredibly funny ones, arrogant types completely unable to communicate at any level other than the latest code they're into......
Black Ferret
25-06-2005, 01:53 AM
[QUOTE=Little Monster...as well as the incredibly funny ones, arrogant types completely unable to communicate at any level other than the latest code they're into......[/QUOTE]
We don't mean to be arrogant, we're just shy and revert to our natural binary state when flustered :o
beware the evil pre-sales people who operate on a level of ruthlessness (and with an abundence of s's) hitherto unknown to man.
Tigerlily
25-06-2005, 09:16 AM
Looks like I've hit a bit of a nerve with this thread! :lol:
TP-996
27-06-2005, 06:40 PM
Looks like I've hit a bit of a nerve with this thread! :lol:
Don't mess with us nerds, we know how everything works ;)
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