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View Full Version : BEER vs VAGINA ...............


Didge
20-04-2005, 10:02 PM
...........THE PLAYOFF:-

1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. One point to BEER

2. Warm beer tastes awful. -One point to VAGINA

3. A really cold beer is satisfying. -One point to BEER

4. If after taking a swig of your favourite beer you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. -One point to VAGINA

5. If you get home reeking of beer your wife may get mad, make a scene, kick you out, etc.
If you get home reeking of vagina your wife may get mad, kick you out, even leave you.
There's definitely a point to be had here, depending on your point of view and personal circumstances. -I'll just call it a DRAW for the time being.

6. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home.
Ten vaginas in one night and you don't want to drive anywhere. -One point to VAGINA

7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may suffer.
If you eat any pussy in public, you become a legend. One point to VAGINA

8. If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested.
If you smell of vagina he may buy you a beer. -One point to VAGINA

9. You normally don't find old beer. One point to BEER

10. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers.
Too much vagina and you'll think you've seen god. -One point to VAGINA

11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring.
Ripping off panties is fun. -One point to VAGINA

12. In most countries there's a tax on beer. -One point to VAGINA

13. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off -One point to BEER

14. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or a can. -One point to BEER

15. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but it eventually it settles down. -One point to BEER

16. With beer you always have choice: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc -One point to BEER

17. You always know how much beer is going to cost -One point to BEER

18. Beer doesn't have a mother -One point to BEER

19. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you've drank it -One point to BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER: 10
VAGINA: 8

That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER

PS: If you are a woman and at this point feel angry, degraded or discriminated, just remember that Beer would experience none of those feelings, let alone express them, an extra point for BEER!

bod
20-04-2005, 10:09 PM
Yep my vote is with beer in a politicaly correct way of course :) :)

Pedro
21-04-2005, 06:32 AM
Classy!! :D

nik_the_brief
21-04-2005, 10:30 AM
Mmm - tasteful! :rolleyes:

Personally I like to have my cake and eat it. Why on earth would you have to make a decision twixt one and the other?

Didge
21-04-2005, 10:34 PM
I drink very little, and must admit to being a vaggie man myself, so although I posted the above competition, I don't agree with the results. You could say that I'm a vagitarian I suppose.
There is nothing quite like a warm muffin and a nice cup of tea.

JamesM750
12-05-2005, 06:37 AM
Both of them can make a sticky mess on your bike, but isnt the winner is the one that tastes best?

SAMMYE
12-05-2005, 10:27 AM
Have them both together

Little Monster
17-05-2005, 07:56 PM
I'm on my second beer right now..............! :eek:

A Yerbury
17-05-2005, 08:58 PM
I'm on my fourth vagina right now

Lady-Bob
17-05-2005, 11:13 PM
.... but you can't have a "Beer Monologue" can you?????? :rolleyes:

CraigMac
18-05-2005, 10:11 AM
My wife went to the doctors the other day, as she'd not been feeling to well.
The doc told her to strip off and climb onto the couch,
He gave her a complete examination and then said that she had
"Accute Angina"

Should doctors be looking at this!!

Regards

SAMMYE
18-05-2005, 02:59 PM
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumblebee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming "Oh my God, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina.
The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vagina.
After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud.
The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?"
The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the b*stard!"

I believe this was a true story