What’s That Smell?

[Didge]

I’ve thought of a great quiz game that we can play in the bar at the Weekender. I call it ‘What’s That Smell’.
The rules are very simple. I provide a smell, and the players have to guess what it most smells like.
Obviously, like any quiz, it will start off fairly easy, and then become more and more hardcore and bubbling as the smells progress, so that eventually we end up with a winner.
Now I just know that this will be a very popular contest, and I suspect our Nonnie will be in there like lightning, to try her luck.
I reckon Paranoid Dave could knock up a trophy. I’ll supply him with a sun-dried dollop of didge dung, which he could nail to a plinth, and the lucky winner would have a lovely visual memory of their win. As a bonus, because it has been dried, they will be able to scratch ‘n’ sniff it anytime they wish. Imagine demonstrating it to your grandchildren years later. They would certainly look up at you afterwards, as they’d be flat on their backs after sniffing it.
Obviously, to meet health & safety Regulations, we are going to have to have one or two first-aiders standing by, and a few large bog rolls in case of any mishaps. Hell, I ain’t getting any younger, and sh*t happens.
Well what do you think? Good or what?
I’m off to work now, and I’ll get some practice in while I’m in my driving cab.

[Collie_dog]

I thought we were playing that last year, do you not remember myself and PD having to use the UKMOC weekender t-shirts as a filtration system against the worst of your emissions? :eek: But i must say a prize, such as the sort after poo on a plinth, would have made the game have so much more meaning for the survivors!!

I really believe though, that the POAP (poo on a plinth) should be awarded to the last member standing, rather than the one who can "name that smell"!

[Plum]

Really looking forward to that!

[Nonnie]

Poo on a plinth you say? Now, nobody told me there were trophys involved. However in the interests of health and safety I feel said poo should be preserved by dipping in silver or something. Ooooohhh, sshhiinnyy.

[Didge]

I thought we were playing that last year, do you not remember myself and PD having to use the UKMOC weekender t-shirts as a filtration system against the worst of your emissions? :eek: "!
No Collie, you've got the wrong end of the log....er stick. Last years contest was to see who could go the longest without having a gag reflex, but nobody won because you were all gagging.


I really believe though, that the POAP (poo on a plinth) should be awarded to the last member standing, rather than the one who can "name that smell"!

Well, funny you should say that, because I was thinking of a second competition called 'Vertical Survivor'. This would involve all contestants to surround & face me. An umpire in full chemical warfare suiting, would blindfold me, spin me around on the spot, and whilst I was still spinning, he would shout "FIRE". At that point, I would let-off a lavishly long lingering loathsome laborious lament from my botty. The one who remains vertical, would be the winner. So I can see we're on the same wavelength here Collie.
See all the fun you will miss?

[Didge]

Poo on a plinth you say? Now, nobody told me there were trophys involved.
I knew you'd be interested Nonnie. You'd love to take a POAP trophy home, wouldn't you.

However in the interests of health and safety I feel said poo should be preserved by dipping in silver or something. Ooooohhh, sshhiinnyy.
All mine come out naturally shiney, if a little moist, but I see your point. I think though, that silver and other metals would be unable to adhere to said trophy, because of the inherent impurities that are a natural part of poo.
All I can suggest is, that the lucky winner buffs it up from time to time with some wax polish and a soft tooth brush. (Preferably one that's not used anymore).

[nik_the_brief]

What are you all talking about it's a well known fact that you can't polish a turd :D

[CraigMac]

Nick,
Im led to believe that a turd polishing device is available on Ebay...Quite handy, the advert states that any turd can be buffed to an incredible lustre!!
Sounds good...

[Rogerg]

An umpire in full chemical warfare suiting, would blindfold me, spin me around on the spot, and whilst I was still spinning, he would shout "FIRE".

I'm a Qualified Cricket Umpire, I'm sure with a little re-training and light reading on the playing conditions of said competition I could officiate.

haven't got a chemical warfare suit mind, only a white coat.

Didge, I'd have to carefully watch your follow through to make sure you don't foul the protected area.

[Didge]

What are you all talking about it's a well known fact that you can't polish a turd :D

Nik, you may be a 'Brief', but you know f**k-all about turds and polishing.
You've fallen for that old wive's tale, like many other people, including that fat bloke in the film 'Christine'.
If said turd is dried in too high a humidity, it will form a claggy crust (sorry, I'm not saying our own Crust is a turd, he might wollop me), and be far too soft in the middle, causing 'drag' if polishing is attempted, and will tend to smear the cloth.
If dried too fast, it will crumble when polishing is attempted, and these are the reasons why the old wive's tale came about.
If a turd is dried in the correct manner, that is slowly, with the odd pin-prick to let out trapped farts, it can be polished to almost the same level as aluminium, (Aluminum if yer a Yank), with nary a crumble or smear.
A word of warning though. ALWAYS use safety equipment/clothing during the drying process, as even the slightest mistake could find you in the sh*t.

[CK & AK]

Just think - at the prize giving ceremony on the Sunday afternoon, the roll call could be sooo exciting Didge :lol:

I bet you will be hassling Fatbloke to get on with the bike comp awards so you can present your own one eh? :confused: :eek:

:D

[Didge]

I'm a Qualified Cricket Umpire, I'm sure with a little re-training and light reading on the playing conditions of said competition I could officiate.

haven't got a chemical warfare suit mind, only a white coat.

Didge, I'd have to carefully watch your follow through to make sure you don't foul the protected area.

Rog, it is a very kind offer, and you are indeed, a very brave (or stupid) man.
Very little re-training would be needed for a chap with your qualifications, as it would be mostly a case of common sense, (or a total lack there-of).
With the correct chemical treatment, your white coat together with a pair of fireman's trousers should be fine, as will your hat, if worn with an approved gas mask. BUT, I cannot emphasise enough, that you will be placing yourself in extreme danger, and I cannot except liability for any loss of sight, taste or any of your other bodily functions that may be rendered defunct after being in close proximity to my colonic Chernobyl.
As for your last point concerning 'follow-throughs', you really DON'T want to be that close.....believe me.

[Rogerg]

As for your last point concerning 'follow-throughs', you really DON'T want to be that close.....believe me.

had to crow bar a cricket reference in some how - I'm sure theres an easy one about delivery actions and all - but can't quite get there.

[Didge]

Just think - at the prize giving ceremony on the Sunday afternoon, the roll call could be sooo exciting Didge :lol:

I bet you will be hassling Fatbloke to get on with the bike comp awards so you can present your own one eh? :confused: :eek:

:D

You read my mind again CK. I can keep nothing from you can I. ;)

[Didge]

had to crow bar a cricket reference in some how - I'm sure theres an easy one about delivery actions and all - but can't quite get there.


Well, for a start, the smell will certainly 'bowl' you over, (or should that be bowel you over in this case?).
If things get a little messy, there could be some 'runs', or more solidly, even an 'out', but I really don't want to 'stump' you for replies, so I shall stop there.