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Richard_S
20-03-2005, 08:08 PM
Just felt obliged to keep you all updated on the whirlwind 24 hours that I will be having in a few hours time. Opted for the sensible Saturday yum yum salary opportunity and survived the whole day. Felt very hairy for a lot of the day and with the heat I did try to banish all notions that I should actually be out coasting the tarmac growling cheekily at all. Pub for some refreshment afterward at then into Putney for middle six. Arrived just as the cat had layed one on the freshly lenored up sheets of my hazy yet jingly older, yet no wiser cousin. We had a chat, including pearls about the benefits of vinegar, the price of chips and whether or not I was indeed the baddest man in the world. Anyway her “apart” other half came back with the terrors and I was given bay blade duty. If you don’t know then don’t worry. Despite my general and generic cack handed clumsiness I did actually manage to create both of the little gadgets. They eat whilst the two men went out to forage in the van. 1st stop 7/11. half a bottle of jack, some papers and cash. Next stop was to collect the toys ; successful in every respect . What happened next was quite odd. It was half nine, Saturday. I was in a fedex van in tooting. I think I had upset him by actually succumbing to sense and adorning my seat belt. “I can drive mate”. I know he can and I felt bad. Diesel went in and then the jet wash. The god damned jetwash. It had been a hot, pleasant day but it was a bit misty now, mini skirts THIS short wandering down the road with a cheeky hand tickling away from Mr Big. He got out and started to jetwash. I was a bit wonky by this stage and managed to slip into a nice little warm coma daydreaming about lovely things when I suddenly came to. He was beckoning for me to come outside. I knew that the first time but waited until the 6th before I plucked up enough inner strength to actually leave the cab. He handed me the pressure hose. Nice. I was tasked with spraying whilst he scrubbed. Not a bad deal but I never imagined that I would ever be here. The occasional surprise element. Good call boogaloo. He scrubbed, I battled with my aim and the marched on. My feet had got wet and I had now had as much fun as I wanted with the jet and the filth was not coming of. It was diesel, I know that, he knew that which did make me slightly put out by the whole thing. 10z of lard in the van, atmospheric miniskirts and tinkerbells, a shell garage and two men attempting to do the impossible. Sponges and vibrations are futile when faced with a genuine spillage and we left a short while later. I had clocked a car during the cold wash. I had noticed it. Wouldn’t normally be a strange thing but last night it was. As we drove off he said “did you see that car?, tidy wasn’t it!”. That’s when I knew that I was still a tiger inside. We continued to drive and he asked if I wanted to take a look. I said that we couldn’t possibly, unfortunate defeatist moment and he just tilted his head, crunched a gear and said “cause we can, just say now”. I said now and we took a peek. I took down the number. I felt naughty and spontaneous all at once. We stopped to have some toasted satay sticks and bumbled off back to the flat. I stayed for a while, played some tunes, assisted with the creation of an Easter bunny rabbit collage compromising of multicoloured hand prints created by wee little ickle ickle, titch territory paws. We had over 60 paw prints to pick from. You will not be surprised to hear that I enjoyed the creative semblance immensely. I have a keen eye for detail and looked the challenge straight down. I left, woke the world up in the 3rd and slept till 9.

A lot more happened but that is for later x

Mand
20-03-2005, 08:13 PM
What beer do you drink?

A Yerbury
20-03-2005, 08:55 PM
The lad is fuelled with stronger stuff Mandinko... a terrific and ripping yarn as always Mr Sellers, sadly I have been on my tootsies all day and am about to "take the wooden hill to bedfordshire" as nanny once crooned, I shall peruse at leisure on the morrow and post a reply once my spirits have settled, It's been a rum old day..ttfn.
Alex.
ps jet wash=a bit rubbish, you should know this?! how quick the lessons are forgotten...

Richard_S
20-03-2005, 08:56 PM
....boo boo alert

Richard_S
20-03-2005, 08:58 PM
for the summertime it has to red stripe although this evening it has mainly been martini. One must keep a grip of all things special.

you have a good strong striding technique trooper but I would recommend the jopper / pims experience for the everlasting crinkle cut feel.

ps You know that I know x

ppss she was called Sandra and French. Lovely little wiggle and eyes to tuck you up forever.

richard++99p, 123*-*
Kooki Parisian Elder

DesmoDog
21-03-2005, 10:44 AM
Ah the martini JD combo is not for the unenlightened. I have found a new tipple in my search for local brews. Drinking something called chepouro last week, its a greek white spirit but not of the ouzo family. I discovered it after being proffered it by my taxi driver (he had to drive, he was so drunk I couldn't walk). We ended up dedicating Friday night to it, although I recall at some point on saturday morning we may have switched to an Absinthe called Van Gough (?) Interesting stuff, and deniable times. I really wanted to die on the return flight.

Your tale is as ever of interest, do go on to the next episode.

A Yerbury
21-03-2005, 12:10 PM
I have come away unscathed -yet again! from more diabolical beaurocracy, I wrestled the bitch to the ground with nowt more than a demi lord Nelson, a cutlass and a fridge magnet shaped like a baguette (or a beige turd as the inner adolescent observed) All in all the tourists were a varied and svelte bunch despite the obligatory undulating Americanos and a Spanish fellow mumbling ice cream, ice cream, you scream I SCREAM! I think he was one of these simpletons one heres so much about these days....and yes, he was overweight....and possibly dribbling. I did enjoy a particularly crisp beer opposite the Eifel Tower, the ambiance and dapplacious sunbeams only marred by a rather vulgar Italian couple (acid wash denim?!) and their poodle/child substitute "Enzo"....all three were dancing the grim fandango on a gibbet some hours later, friends in high places and all that. I followed some women around for a bit, taking in all the heady details and vowed to get myself another groovy slink (slinky groove?) ASAP.. ahhh the rich tapestry of our great cities consists of many threads, most of them young woman shaped and non of yer tat neither. I took the rue of Invalids, Babylon and then Dragon.....not paved with gold but certainly poetry. All in all a most enjoyable few hours..did I mention the modern art auction? no, oh well. Nearly caught a picture of a young Japanese student leaning on to a phallic bollard, however as a peeping tom and all round "dustbin mind" -courtesy my Grandmother- I do very well, as a chronicler of humanity in a Carteir Bresson style I do not rate as highly, trust me it happened. Now I realise you are a busy chap and have important items to attend to, so I shall tarry you no further!
Yours with a rich platter of sushi for 8euros (good)
and a pint of Let Africans Get Equal Rights for 7euros (bad)
Alex Y.
ps. for those interested I did see 2 monsters. I did not take a picture.

A Yerbury
21-03-2005, 12:28 PM
....oh, I forgot to mention, all round foul mouth and Rolly Polly Ducati Glasgow lass Betty O'donnell was over the moon with her pictures. bless.
AY.x

Richard_S
21-03-2005, 08:17 PM
pleased you say? he is a sweetheart really, so much so that I might send him a Christmas card one year.

I would like to interject if I may with a little story about one mans search for the truth about the coloured particles of a teenage (well nearly) witch.

However as a special treat and just because you asked nicely I will briefly retort from page 1. I took a local rough and ready looking chap and we went off to look at the car. Now you need to bear in mind several things; I am about to violated by a big 12 foot cane in the courts, summer is coming, id like to move and buy/run/insure/moonwalk with a 748. All that said (plus more I will save you from) I am not in the market for four wheels/unnecessary expense (new leathers and gloves don't count obviously) but there we were.

The car didn’t look quite as tidy sober or with daylight but hey we'd made the effort, id made a withdrawal and the guy turned up. I snuck off on the pretence of calling a man for an hpi and two milky way bars later I had all the information. total loss. now at this point I was cool. it was a 7tonne snotter with 6 months ticket, a v5 and one of al's great Photoshop discs. It had wheels, started and for the omission of the total loss claim it was tidy. Being somewhat of a methodical chap I then thought best give the old nelly a ring to get a bit of that ass tickling quote me happy nonsense. It was an H plate 316i (lux so i was later was told and then forced into a WHOLE new quote) At 14 years old and having been driven like it was stolen for the last 130k miles I did make the point that any "lux" had well and truly now buggered off. Anyway they were happy but my man wasn't. We were absolutely NOT allowed to look underneath. Hence we knocked him out, called the cops and got to shake hands with det isp crabbage. In fact we just left the car and went home. Well we went to the pub, then a bike shop (just to keep on track) and then back to his for some Sunday beef and an informal chat with an elderly couple of crackers.

That was that. I have now decided that cars are pants and I will spend the cash on a trip to Honolulu and firteen dancing african grey's.

Anyway on to today’s fencing with the ever so lovely little Sabrina assistant type kitten that I have been sitting opposite for the past few weeks. Now first off she is not my normal type. In fact I am positively surprised at myself. It’s a good thing but a surprise none the less. I have been slicing and dicing a little more proactively of late and we have done several lunches, had a conversation ref the FB arrangement, bought each other biscuits and she has and continues to make fantastically regular tea. I like her. She’s cute, friendly, smiley, a little bit krazy but generally very very very f able AND pleasant. I DO APOLOGISE FOR THAT WORD, but hey, nothing else comes close does it!? Its her last week this week and that considered I hatched an attack late last week. It involved toning my cheek bones, saying “flipping” a lot, smiling at 8.30am and generally looking human by 8.45. Bless her, she is truly lovely and I intend to get the check mate by end of play Thursday. Its all about Thursday.

On another note saw a very eloquent apart in grove park. Bay windows, an on call maid and a twinkle sprinkle dusting of optulance.

Cheap meat never makes a good soup.

Ciao for now chaps

Richard at dawn
the spunky little mechanical miracle at dusk.

Oh and alex, if you kill me in a dream you’d best wake up and apologise x

spacemonkey
21-03-2005, 11:04 PM
Oh and alex, if you kill me in a dream you’d best wake up and apologise x

That's not Alex, that's me...

Anyway, the moral is, don't buy cheapo motors from dodgy types in this here Gotham City, unless it's from me of course.... Got nowt at mo' though...

A Yerbury
22-03-2005, 09:44 AM
That's not Alex, that's me...



He's a naughty monkey. So I take it you have found suitable emplyoment, or is she a fellow desk fetishist? Speaking of snakes I intended to see the Detroit Cobras but ended up watching two of peaches ex backing singers, both wearing latex, pouring wine over each other, miming... the usual female empowered blatant sexuality post femminism concept, a good thing too as they were both highly f uckable, and German, so probably quite filthy..all very mildly diverting..they turned out to be "cobra killer" not the De-troits...Now "Young-gay-Neil" usually has his shell likes welded to terra firma with the whole what's hot what's not from one day to the next lists but on this occasion he ballsed it all up somewhat. Bad luck as re the black mans wheels but nevermind, plenty more golden opportunities out there and I shall soon be around for tyre booting and general advice on De-lux, Ghia and Vanden-plas fittings.

It's all good, apart from some of it which will kill you, but that's pretty good too.

http://www.cobra-killer.org/ Penelope slip knot would no doubt be a "like hoooooge f*!king fan!" they are quite incredible specimens, the website is a bit lovingly bonkers and a "girl band" -hate that phrase! that release an album titled "the 3rd armpit" have to be cool.

Yours with a cuban heeled click.
Anonymous Yerbury.

Richard_S
22-03-2005, 10:15 AM
well I've had a bit of saga this morning. lost all power on the way in, no pull at all. paddled her to work got soaked, now have ducati red arms on my originally white croxley shirt. left her for 10 minutes or so, fired her up. power back but lots of dirty smelly smoke. then 10 minutes later she seems ok. my front ht lead is well wobbly so hoping its that....any other ideas? felt like id lost a cylinder, perhaps a plug? she's in for service in 2weeks so a possibility.

in the words of our Scottish valeter "life's a beach, just don't tread on the broken bottles"

ugh

DesmoDog
22-03-2005, 10:18 AM
Roll on Thursday and keep us informed. I'm off now as I have a date with the cobra killers website and then have to pick up el heffe from the airport. God love rainy days with directors.

A Yerbury
22-03-2005, 10:36 AM
I dont know? I am not that smart as regards these ere computeroised boikes tho? Although the "dirty smelly smke" sounds terrifying! lees wobbly is better than well wobbly. I had a moment the other week, due to the leakage of the yerbury forks the disc became a tad sullied (I did not notice this at the time)....hmm "this is a bit soft thinks I?" I then proceed to bring in the lever adjuster, this seemed a bit better, suspected oil on the disc so grabbed the front, let the clutch out for a little bit of burn out larks to "via the power of friction" clean the disc..... then the bastard seized up so there I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere with a bike that could not be moved. Then I rememberd the screwdriver that -for once- I had packed....for a moment though it was a bit touch and dont go! yes,I was a bit frightened as it was a very dark and stormy night, with proper owl noises.
AY.
ps what is croxley shirt?

DesmoDog
22-03-2005, 10:45 AM
We're liking the cobra killers, we're especially liking the one with the bob, we're not liking their website though. April 20 at 93 feet east sounds good, maybe give that a try. You have terrible woes Yerbs. Could the horrible cack be something to to with water in the places where it shouldn't be?

A Yerbury
22-03-2005, 11:02 AM
We're liking the cobra killers, we're especially liking the one with the bob, we're not liking their website though. April 20 at 93 feet east sounds good, maybe give that a try. You have terrible woes Yerbs. Could the horrible cack be something to to with water in the places where it shouldn't be?

that's a possibility, I may be back in the smoke by then. It is one of the worst websites. Alex's woes were sent here like the many fools he encounters to test him, he remains gloriously victorious!

A Yerbury
22-03-2005, 04:44 PM
Hello stinky,
there is a German fellow doing the DID chainn sprocket cross over underground movement thing for about 65 England pounds? On a lighter not I have decided to "swagger" a bit more? many blokes do this in their teens but then become a bit crushed as they age? women? kids? mortgage? bad posture? who can say? but you can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk, and I believe that a strut is a step in the right direction.
Your faithful corresopndant,
AY.
Stepping out - as that mel/kim duo chimed, and walking back to Jesus.

ps. I have put an "agip" sticker on my lid and I think it looks fab!

Richard_S
22-03-2005, 10:54 PM
Well today ive had an altogether two-tone bad day. As per my earlier note after having the most extraordinary morning please be aware that the day only got worse. Not massively worse but worse enough to notice. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to reflection and I assure all of you wavers out there that the gut is the key.

Red armbands, dodgy fumes and moist socks aside let me give it to ya straight. I have today to my peril done some arithmetic and before you ask I did check all the answers with a calculator afterwards. I’m not usually a big one for numbers or mathematics, emphasised by a moment some years ago. In my resilient judgement I drew a fantastic pirate ship on the graph question in my ever so serious examination. I was pleased with the feedback; “Generally a good effort but sorely let down by the omission of the information regarding how many apples jack had in his barrow.” !*!*!*!* happens but hey you have to roll with the punches. Some people can’t even think for toffee so I wasn’t hung up over the bureaucracy.

Anyway moving is going to be expensive. Very expensive. It has left my marbles in turmoil once again and once again I am left with a clear-cut decision to make. You see unless I intend to spend my days in the current manor then at some stage I will need to do the ball, chain and cufflink thing of lining the pockets of Indian billionaire businessmen. I would leave out the word Indian if it wasn’t so true. Just for the record however, I hold the same amount of distain in pimping up the rides of Caucasian entities. This is unfortunately the truth. Mortgages are the death of ones dreams as we all know. A passing comment was made, no in fact it was anything but passing, at the weekend that is still circling. Read the signature folks, I’m sure if you have got this far you have a space up to top to do the two plus two wiggly woo. The answer is obvious. Obvious but still inconclusive. I think I might be one of those free spirited types, and after recent years I have arrived at the fork of free will.

Anyway more of that later. Thanks for the chain tip sir, once I can go above 22mph she’s next on my list. Had a better run home but still a little disconcerted with the whole thing. Proof will be in the pudding of tomorrow’s whizzle in.

ciao for now tindlewinks, I have an apology to accept from a maiden of yester-year.

Ps I’m most certainly “up for” a little bit of cobra bashing and being a man of many creative outlets I will be keeping my earole to the ground for further updates.

Ppss All things considered I didn't make good use of the allotted 8 hours with the oh so cute little witch. I didn’t go cross-eyed or anything just didn’t really use enough of that swagger you are searching for Mr.Y. Perhaps it can be found in a small and discreet muddle puddle on the eastbound m4.

Pppsss Croxley is to shirts what dreams are to dreamers.

Ppppsssss I wish you had just seen what I have just seen. Twas a priceless moment for bbc2.

A Yerbury
23-03-2005, 09:30 AM
It is a less than sterling state of affairs to be in and thats the truth, I had a phone call with the old dragon queen last night....still jollying it up Cattalan style, waiting to sell her flat and at 25G per year interest she can retire?! in fact she pretty much has....plus she is seeing some young bongo spanish chappy fool, I forget the name but there is an E a Y and a K involved but it's not "Enrique"...oh and things are not all tickety boo there either?! and why does she tell me this 30 seconds into our chat...-rant nearly over- another thing I have noticed is that everythings is "kind of like?" and "s'like" spoken with a rising inflection? she did not used to do this so it's either soft drugs, an affliction of the noveau riche, or the onset of dementia....(she will be 40 soon) Oh and she has four bikes now, none -naturally- as lovely as mine tho.

Goodness, quel flood. So "its just like y'know..Basically, I've kind of" got to get serious this year...at least you have some capital behind you, I have a hard place shaped like pirahna fish, healthy older relatives with only a modest inheritance, and I'm a lazy sod not given to working with pea brained idiots, which alas "they" mostly are...we shall have to wait and see. I was very excited to hear of your pirate ship, I ran fowl of the education system myself once, and yes...a graph was involved (or rather not) if only they had printed "more questions overleaf" on my 11+ I would have happened upon said graph and It would be a very different calibre of man typing this. Now despite being somewhat mathematically dyslexic ironically I was a bit of a sneaky pete as regards graphs due to their underlying artistic structure, and as Perigrin "pip" walters used to marvel "cor Alex you're dead good at drawing!" he was right too, my Batman's cape always had lines behind it suggesting motion. Once more my friend it's all about the details.
Alex.
ps. Don't top yourself though as thats my idea, tragedy I can do but not plagerism.
pps. I have found some swagger but I think I may have damaged some trifling thing in my groin? I need to start with the shoulders then the hips, the moral being one has to learn strut before one can swagger.
ppps. My dreams are getting very scary again. This, as any dream book from waterstones is no doubt a positive portent, perhaps the Horizon is littered with dark wealthy strangers? (no mention of red heads though)

Richard_S
24-03-2005, 08:10 PM
Well I’ve had a thoroughly better day. Charlotte is firing on all cylinders, I've got a sizeable amount of disco-zed biscuit custard-creams on order and I got away with a substantial grope of the princess earlier today. You’ll all be pleased to hear that she is staying for a while and so I have chance to regroup and attack again, preferably from the rear.

I note the lack of comic interest in the do ; tis just as well that we are men and will be flying the flag for personality and occasional technicolour quippage for the rest of humanity.

Had a dress rehearsal on the court front last night and actually amazed myself by my complete and utter badness throughout. There is hope for the 748 and penthouse yet chums so watch this space and come properly armed if intent on scupperage.

A dog on heat and a man on fire. Grace, an abundance of chest hair and a cheeky moment of contemplation.

Something for us all to think about.

God bless x

A Yerbury
24-03-2005, 08:37 PM
now if you could lay your hands on a case 55 rothschild, the elixir of life, 10 Monty C's, some bisto and a ham hock for the smoking family we shall be well and truly in business. Your are attempting a rear assault? behind enemy lines?!.....hmmm a gamble, its tricky, I suggest a pincer movement but we all tread our own path now the Fisher Price is back under the stairs. Glad to hear that the badness is in abundance, I have sent carrier pigeons, smoke signals and bellowed unto the four winds, we may get a few more turning up on the saturday (if only to form a human shield from the baying mob) I am off to pack a few things and start trying to decide which jacket to wear.

night guv.
ale.

Richard_S
24-03-2005, 08:42 PM
you know which one i will be :cool:

that Tutun bloke has got nothing on me x

A Yerbury
25-03-2005, 10:09 AM
A marvelous creation and no mistake I started off green with envy then ran through the entire gamut of the rainbow....I am now back to my post headshaving, post winter battleship grey. After a 3 months of letting nature take it's organic course I decided to reign in some of the wayward growth....I am now looking a bit more "ship shape", but the occasional sudewards glance reflection reveals a recently shaved ashen baboon...with funny eyes! Oh well, It's just a stage, like running in an engine or breaking in a new pair of Edward Greens in human face form. I hope. On a lighter not I still have a near full bottle of laphroaig, should the weekender descend into Napoleonic battle re enactment we shall not be found wanting in the iodine department.

Yours propping up a 5 bar gate and a village idiots leer.
Ay ooh arr ooh arrr.

Richard_S
25-03-2005, 10:17 AM
I also did the deed last week; felt a little yeti like so took the bull by the scrotum and got it done. on a slight tangent I was very down heartened by the requirement of work today until I saw a new p/x in the lock up. db9 for an hour sir? even Mr bond can't compete with this hooligan and once I have removed the assortment of polo sticks I will be lording it up in a very loud and pre apocalyptic fashion. The boss is at home munching chocolate and the keys are in the cupboard. What a wonderful world. :cool:

oh and heart shaped box on the woggy machine too.

A Yerbury
25-03-2005, 10:32 AM
As long as the straight lines and turny bits all happen at the right time then that sounds like harmless fun, unless supercar write offs are to be your new "thing", after all, we all need one (a "thing" obviously, not a supercar. of those we need at least five) I am now going to explore the freezer. I may be sometime...
Alec (smart)

nik_the_brief
25-03-2005, 11:54 AM
I have to say Alex, that's the best avatar yet. :D

A Yerbury
25-03-2005, 12:11 PM
The likeness is uncanny, we both raise an eyebrow whilst perusing the Haynes almanac, "here be Dragons and untruths.."
....and here be a picture for your lovely wife Nik lad.

Richard_S
25-03-2005, 07:24 PM
another descendant to the French fold.

I think we could quite possibly have it all sown up.

A man in Provence, sadly without the haynes manual (times were hard and one needed a Montana tongued c o c k -a-roach"




the small pest not anything rude

nik_the_brief
25-03-2005, 07:43 PM
The likeness is uncanny, we both raise an eyebrow whilst perusing the Haynes almanac, "here be Dragons and untruths.."
....and here be a picture for your lovely wife Nik lad.

Nice one Yerbs, that's her timbers well and truly shivered! :cool:

A Yerbury
25-03-2005, 07:58 PM
Throw some wonga in her bacardi and demand the kings shilling, after all she is your wife and it's her job!? As a legal man surely you had the papers signed?
kids today.
AY.x
ps hooves, heels and Dunlops back in blighty in 12 hours so all you gits that have p issed me off better go make a wild west barrel dive...I shall ignore you in a quite brutal fashion.
pps bon voyage...I mean to go to sea, unlike them arthur ransome kids, I've been pressganged and most of you have been tolerable.
ppps. I really am off now......"and I thought it was just the drains!" boom boom and all....

Richard_S
25-03-2005, 07:59 PM
like now now or now?

A Yerbury
26-03-2005, 10:49 PM
like then, and now now, bienvenu.

Richard_S
27-03-2005, 05:01 PM
Well I have now moved on to the dressing gown stage. Great night all in all, lots of kittens and some very funky chunky tunes. We got off to a bad start but pulled through and collected some more for the mind and I only began wavering at 5ish. Under floor subwoofers, disco lights, respectable clientele but more importantly an opportunity to get your wiggle on.

You got the bat phone close by?

A Yerbury
27-03-2005, 05:19 PM
I do, I will pm landline of cheapness. Well rested, tidied up the bike and played with a paddock stand...where has this thing been all my lives? sorted chain properly and found a wonky 1st sprock bracket which was causing, wonkiness....a few hearty bitch slaps later and it is tickety boo and my mirror has been swapped over for uk roads (this is fascinating I know) A good journey yesterday from Newhaven despite overshooting s'hampton m3 turn off and ending up in the new forest somewhere.....I must remember that the speed limit is 70 in this country. The crossing was fine, an excellent Sicillian brig, she was a bit rusty round the flaps but all in all a tight vessel, not quite the man o war I was expecting but a solid girl none the less (the crew were a lubberly bunch of scoundrels but this too was expected) ...oh and thankfully the suicide stand held up in the hold. Glad you had a pleasant soiree and I do hope that you were "sorted for cheeze and biscuits"
untill the next time,
it's goodnight from him.
Cpt A Blackbeard.

Richard_S
27-03-2005, 08:19 PM
as always a gentle word opens the iron gate and when the smallest story is presented in technicolor it will always fascinate. I have just stuck my head outside, it seems to be dark. Funny that. A place for everything and everything in its place, except the moon, which is two clicks west of its usual position.

A Yerbury
27-03-2005, 11:15 PM
I made the effort to haul myself onto the poop deck to watch the sun come up through the fog....for a "Turner moment" one that I intend to whizz through on my death bed along with all the memories of latex clad amazonians, engine noises, perfect pints and the aroma of a freshly torn vanilla pod.
Alex.
ps From now on though it's all about the green, I intend to turn myself into a coke'd up city monster beast as good women are hard to come by and the bad ones are expensive.

Yours,
A geezer...with a tooter, a bimmer, a brain that stops at Jordan, some footie chat and a packet dressed in Hackett.
wotacaaaaaant!

plus ca change.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 12:06 AM
a ha well in that case i can recommend the Mojito. Perfect for poncing around in your pin stripes and actually tastes pretty damn sweet too.

We could make thursdays "C O C K-tail night" ; a cheeky round or two of seven card stud, a blackberry flavoured hubbly bubbly (enough to share) and a stack of proper bbq bull ribs. I am becoming quite shark like these days and so you need to be warned ; not only may you lose your shirt but maybe also the prized orchid. My recent efforts have resulted in the shortening of my dusty, yet very well labelled VHS collection. It spans almost a full 47 hours don't cha know. However I was disgusted to discover that I have managed to record over prog 9,10 and bloody 11 with some tosh that sounded good at the time. Still I am resolute that a backlog of late night poker coupled with the VHS madness of the "black" cupboard are small and seedless. It takes a bigger animal to scare this caveman.

You will need to bring some flair and traditional chopsticks, I'm already on the case with the little ducklings and butler fresh towels.

Richard "Aces" Trumper x

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 12:34 AM
I am a very bad looser and the last time I came close to any kind of game was a year ago which ended up in a huff (mine) and scrabble pieces everywhere....I am worse at cards. Don't get me wrong I like the scene! I'm old skool so flared pinstripes, cigar fugged rooms, low lighting, hard liquor and men with those green visor things are all very ME but alas my mind wanders. Plus I have a dubious acquainance (one of many) that used to always take a pack out when we went a boozing and all the othering...polish sailors get quite angry when they loose.... I am a coward and not very good at hitting people. Could we fly a kite instead or perhaps build an airfix Lancaster? (go on I know you want to, I even have some mettalic paint)
Alex "snake eyes" Yerbury

ps. what was the thing on bbc2 the other night?

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 11:38 AM
I was paxman-ing it up as usual. One medium sized cup of coco, bare feet and the irresistible temptation of prawn cracker pouches. I had some dated, yet quirky poetry manuscripts strewn and precarelessly scattered over my four-legged hold all. One does like to try. To further tease and tantalise I am also happy to report that I had an admirable hold of the good old Africana chin scratching rhythm on the evening in question. In fact I was generally just a fabulous chap, a slight, but welcome surprise given it was Wednesday and I still had not spilt any cream or fumbled my way through the drawers of life. He was on fire as usual; a legend in his own dead-cat hairstyle and fiery tongue of irritation.

In the second half of the show a piece based in Birmingham filled the screen. It was a low-key affair and it was clear that without an abundance of genuine death and slaughter we were in store for some actual ‘fly on the wall’, expose material – the kind of stuff that personifies all things that are truly worrying and wrong in the world. I kept my miraculous foresight on track and remained focused. The upshot cut to an interview and the viewer was presented with a severely bug eyed lady. I was once told that misfortune of the cuticles denotes an unhappy entrance to the world but fortunately for us all they were not there to discuss the pros and cons of underwater cesarean section but some old nonsense about the industrialisation of shopping centres. In truth it could have been something else but absolutely and equally futile none the less. The content was for once insignificant. To top it off she had overly excited “eager-beaver” knashers and a thick brummie accent. She really did have huge eyes which refused point blank to blink or look even slightly less than 110% scary. As she muttered a few words; some random and others fairly poignant (I am of course paraphrasing. Like other bleak entities such as Orpington for example, the mad max type locality is usually inhabited by the less than fortunate when it comes to panache or vocabulary). She didn’t dribble or anything so I gave her half a point for her merit anyhow. As she waffled on, she became nervous and went pink. After a few seconds of very awkward antics I became transfixed by her left ear which had begun twitching with a furious passion. I was enthralled by the free flowing movements until a petite and rather feminine hand reached into shot and proceeded to hold it for the remaining 9/10 seconds of the piece. I had never born witness to possessed ears before (I am sure of what I was witnessing) and to be honest I was left utterly traumatised. I am not ashamed to admit that I slept with one eye open, occasionally adjusting the down trodden muffs whilst scouring under an industrial sized mosquito net of deliverance-style fear.

I am no hexpert when it comes to kite flying but as with most things with a splodge or 2 of dedication I’ll get there. The last one I had was emblazed with a scary eagle motif (not a third Reich reproduction for the record) but she had funny wings which caused an aerodynamic hoo-ha and poor low level manoeuvrability. I will gladly paint some models with you provided we can have the occasional break for finger nibbles, punch and the devulsion of protracted thought pattern revolving mostly around the best temperature to griddle cow thighs.

Trunks turned around slowly, his black leather trench coat blowing in the breeze.
“Bugger, what about the clotted cream Fudge?!”

Another day and another knap sack of craziness.

We are all bad losers to some degree and so just be sure not to lose x

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 01:00 PM
I find the experience of victory quite hollow?! I am about to go to a drinking establishment with a damp labrador and my sister (she of the working at vogue and absurd mobile phones fame)
I will write more when I am a little bit drunken.
fair dinkum.

Alex the rootenest tootenest.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 02:55 PM
to dilute the will to win is to destroy the purpose of the game. There is no substitute for victory dear sir and you once unearthed the lace is always the finest.

I'll take a virtual timothy’s and a big eat sized bag of animalistic splendour.

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 03:04 PM
t'was most pleasant although I limited myself to a half as I need to disrobe the Italian and hunt down some blue Rizlas from Arkwrigts Tobacco emporium aka Mr Patels. Mr W Mitty has nothing on me.

My younger brother thinks that it is harvest time and has delusions of T Montanna proportions (whilst hunched over Championship manager) he needs a slap but I have put all that behind me now and follow Buddha instead.

yours with....deep breaths and counting to ten.

The Last Emperor.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 03:24 PM
worry not for he has definite potential. He has already developed the keen eye for who has the more aesthetically pleasing 2 wheeled beast remember. I reckon you should go and lend a friendly hand, get strangely distracted and then spend the rest of the afternoon peering from the bathroom window whilst puffing through a trinket of days gone by. I’m sure your elegant and domesticated house guest would be more than happy to oblige in the weapons of yesteryear dept and if you are feeling really "dangerous" treat yourself to half a baked potatoe and some sea bass WHILST performing a one handed hand stand.

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 05:24 PM
no he needs a firm cuffing, and he needs to read more, 1/5 of a Tom Clancy is (like) reallllly (like) worrying?? (like) he's 19 soon....(like)
As for aesthetics....well he is quite taken with tank protectors but this is the boy with a rip speed led gearknob who is thinking of debadging his 1.4 clio? I've seen the engine bay and if that is NOT a 1.1 then I'm a goon with a spud/monkfish one hand configuration.

On a lighter note I have misplaced my zippo.

Yours,
AY.

ps. I may need to do the clutch plates.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 09:53 PM
zippos and clutch plates are a combination best left till dawn when you have both light and eggs.
debadging is a quaint little pastime if truth be told and besides the obvious everyone needs at least one productive hobby. I can recomend fairly liquid and a L skin to start followed by a soapy sponge and some grooverider.
I had a ever so slightly embarrassing moment a week or so back where I managed to get myself locked inside the c ock pit of a car with no door handles or rubber openers. It was a full 15 minutes before a search party was sent and I was discovered with a rabbit like glare and a half eaten milky bar.
The tank protector decision may not regularly bring home the bacon in the machismo department but it does allow for a discreet glance into a world of sanity and sensible instruction. In most aspects of my life no protection is purchased, aside from the occasional replacement buffalo hide, but head restraints and children’s bath books aside I stand tall offering no objection to either ceremonial cuffing or LED gear knobs. You have to love the innocence of youth, you should encourage the mindless ways for once Babylon is spotted a harsh reality ensues. I say big up Guy and his crazy world of harmless indulgence. (if your reading this son be sure to set aside some crop for another of natures genuine troopers)

x

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 10:11 PM
I should'nt worry as there are a few acres left. Embarrasing moment the other week, not much happening when a handful was grabbed (hindsight = fork oil, but thats reverse venison for ya) I decided to tweak the lever, a couple of clockwise pirouettes to reduce the play a little....hm still not biting. So in the centre of an unlit lane on a blind curve I grabbed the brake let the clutch out and did some teenage burnout (a small one) just to "friction" the oil off the discs..bad idea as the brake seized up (we're pitch black in the middle of a blind road remember) Monsters may be small but they are not light. I was eventually saved my a scouse french emigree and his screwdriver but it was all a bit touch and go and god did not come to my rescue.
Alexander why.
ps. I can just about laugh about it now and these days I have a team of huskys equiped with snap on gear and a leatherman.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 10:23 PM
screwdrivers are man made impostors - stick to the path of the furry husky’s and your existence will indeed take hold of the lotus flavour. add 1/2 teaspoon of fairy dust and bam YOU TOO COULD BE ONE OF LIFES HEREOS. I’m a bit bi-burnout-curious but I doubt I will take the leap in darkness. Things maybe better when your in south east Asia but back here on earth I could seriously hurt and perhaps even injure an indigenous, spiked up, hog of hedge like quality. That sure would send me to hell and as of yet my bikinis aren't packed and I have misplaced my binoculars.

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 10:54 PM
It was all going rather well untill it went belly skywards and the wheels did'nt so much as fall off but festooned the area with hordings exclaiming "we shall not be moved" in a dirty great font. A metaphor for life but then so much is these days.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 11:05 PM
in a truly tantric expression of wisdom I was once advised that wheels are the route of all evil. after sampling some dire, marsh mellow chocolaty examples I am resigned to the dumpling stew era of days gone by when things "did exactly what they said on the tin" ; er no that’s Ron seal quick guard and varnish wassastuff. oh I get so confused these days...could it be down to my cocooned and throbbing mammoth toe warmers or the gentle rocking motion enjoyed on the zebra coated labyrinth of my customised stair lift. clarity for once escapes and baffles all at once.

I am now off to chase many a maiden through dark forests of wonder ; don't wait up for I feel exceedingly lucky and intend on dusting off the jar of half pickled half poached beetroot stalks. Its all relevant you know.

how bizarre.

ciao for now

ps like tortoise coloured sea urchins they love it, especially on toast

A Yerbury
28-03-2005, 11:10 PM
happy hunting, laugh a lot and shed the occasional tear (they love all that) I have a small plastic tear that I carry in my breast pocket for just such occasions.

Richard_S
28-03-2005, 11:16 PM
one never ceases to adapt to an ever changing circumstance.

live long, prosper and remember to always order an extra side dish. live a little, breed a lot and hold on to the moments of witchcraft. I have unfortunately forgotten to iron my bow tie so the maidens are on hold and the forests left untouched for approximately 11 1/2 minutes of steam enduring duplicity. I hate it when that happens.

Richard_S
29-03-2005, 05:19 PM
well I have had somewhat of a bah humbug kind of a day. still trying to decide whether or not if can be attributed to the weekends indulgences or whether I am simply a miserable old git. The day got off to a bad start whilst unpacking the princess this morning. I was greeted by the illustrious Latino neighbour arriving home. Now I am not normally one to cast aspersions but it was pretty obvious that she had just climbed out of someone else's bed.We exchanged awkward greetings and she shuffled off. Bitch I thought...how dare she choose another after my miraculous efforts to woo in all of the right ways.

I then arrived at the office to discover that my assistant had decided to have the morning off. We were also all out of biscuits too.

I then received a curse email from a family member informing me that if I am to stand any chance of selling the house I will need to remove the "offensive photographs" . Now I am the first to admit I have a somewhat "personal" decor going on but hey what happened to tact, diplomacy and general forethought before gob opening. A mans home is his castle and I was left feeling thoroughly put out.

For the record all of the above was bloody women related.

Is it me or the hormones? answers to be inscribed on a replacement packet of Garibaldi's please

A Yerbury
29-03-2005, 05:51 PM
I have some cash in hand labouring starting tomorrow, I think I know what I need: guardian tucked into the back pocket, flask of espresso, sensible work brogues such as Churches/Edward Green, some stout tweed, a smoking pipe and habitually screaming "charmed I'm sure" to any passing young gels.......... It should be quite invigorating! Sorry to hear of your woman woes but one had best adapt or die as there is no alternative (my gay friends can be twice as bitchy/moany/spiteful so that is also a no no option wise, plus you would have to rub another mans armpits....shameful stuff)
Allesandro Garribaldi.
ps next time try wooing the wrong way, I hear they are quite partial to that.....nice guys finishing last with a clear Karma spreadsheet but bedsheets lacking the heady aroma of woman flesh..
pps wahey! if the above "rotten chappie" banter continues I shall be the toast of the building site! the pimms are on me fellows!
ppps the laphroig is growing on me, a sure sign of old gittage if ever there was.

Richard_S
29-03-2005, 08:14 PM
if only one could abide by the holy rules. the nice chap angle provides another of life’s test score cards with a disastrous nil point reward.
On the plus side however at least I will feel perfectly entitled to dream about someone else tonight.
No in fact scrub that I choose death ; pass me the axe and fifteen tonnes of psychoactive mushrooms :mad:

and a trombone. breakfasts of hate you said, I may need to start paying more attention.

A Yerbury
29-03-2005, 08:28 PM
There are no rules, less you want to end up clutching a monster and little else..."at least I've got me bike!" To hell with them I say, and keeping things olde testament I may just join the monastic orders and become a cadfael/magnum pi type, the tarts love a bloke in uniform plus they brew their own vino and a castle on a mountainside is very me. I could always secret away a wifey broadband thing so that whilst still being closer to the bastard upsatirs I remain -albeit virtually- within a flick of a horses wrist proximity wise to the thousands of latex whores out there.....I believe one needs references but I am a bit of a whizz on the old photoshop.

Monastically scholastically yours in prayer>
"The Reverand" Y.
ps I have an quite uncontrollable urge to break something, a lesser mortal would opt for wind, I on the other hand am going to chop some wood.

Richard_S
29-03-2005, 08:44 PM
I do like the idea of becoming some sort of evangelistic wood chopping type but I am inexperienced in the tree department (shock horror I know, please don't hate me). I did do a bit of fire building whilst moon walking my way around the continent and to my credit only raised one very small village to the ground. accidents happen so they say and so I didn't cut my hands of my anything to repent just slipped myself off into Asia for the afternoon. Chewing the fat with pi mae helped to a degree although we didn't leave on good terms after I admitted canoodling with his tamed tigress. He slapped my elongated ears around the room but fairs fair I say.
Joking aside I am gutted in the fishy kind of way. Hermit status, although glamorous, does have the occasional pitfall ; primarily the lack of a home cooked meal and warm bumpkins to fondle upon arrival home after a day battling the dragons.
I did complete one step of firm action today by sending off my BA forms to the institution of wisdom.
All being well I will become a very knowledgeable hermit in the coming years which will probably once again only serve to hinder the sex appeal / vanilla ice momentum.

yours with a copy of frazzle, two tubs of pringles and a very small can of dulux white emulsion x

A Yerbury
29-03-2005, 09:01 PM
That should'nt be a problem R_S (quite funny but not great) after all the Shaolin boys I'll be kicking it with are broadbanded out like a broad thing and no doubt the reading rooms at your seat of learning have this internet thing? who knows? we could always log onto some bike forum and do the whole "men of letters" shabazz? sounds like a wheeze to me.
Aiee Yi Mei Ling (white and a half belt)
ps. I chopped the wood with my hands naturally.

Richard_S
29-03-2005, 09:11 PM
reading rooms? now there is an idea.

Professor Sellers requests all petite students requiring an "a" grade or above to remain behind, form and orderly queue and peel his grapes of finesse.

at the risk of bursting the bubble of yerburyism (oxford 2006 edition) whilst you were playing with twigs of broken dependency I have realigned my reading material and have found mecca so to speak. so narnas to you!

Without meaning to drag you in into a mucky tête-*-tête I saw a fascinating program exploring the era of Victorian decadence and depravity late last night. did you know that fishing was once a firm staple of teenage lady boys?

ps even squealing piggies have the right to a taylor and at least a few hours at finishing school. the end is nigh my friend.

A Yerbury
29-03-2005, 09:35 PM
really and what might that be? I have ms Atwoods "good bones" on the go and "any human heart" by William Boyd, too early to tell yet though. Those Victorians eh....although fish can be a bit "you know" many years ago I went on holiday with some chums to Spain, being the gourmet of 21 I bought some fresh Mackerel (sp?) toked a bit of polleny magic and proceeded to gut the blighters with my slender hands (when in Rome)....suffice to say I almost passed out with the sheer vulgarity of it all and had to have a bit of a lie down. I did'nt see the program you refer to as I happened upon some of that dreadful excuse for Pornography that this country produces....all a bit gonzo if you ask me, but the young wannabe starlet was one of my neighbours from Finsbury Park! N4 was full of proper lunatics and we had names for all these border line schizos....a bit like the x men really, "Mr Pinch" "ultra violet boy" "roly poly 15" and "bad make up girl".....her make up is still bad, her torso bizarre, her hair extensions no doubt the same 20 metres of dreadlock peroxide hell. It would seem she has a lovely arse though? ehhhh there's nowt stranger than London folk, I am one after all.

hidehi.

AY.

Richard_S
29-03-2005, 09:47 PM
Without meaning to go off track I took young yoda with me on Saturday. He is an aged and oily raver as myself and can still impress at a pigeons drop. He carries out every movement with such a degree of stateliness that it makes them all simply die in state of pure aquarium-iz-em. I simply burn like the tree at the end of the garden but I might add that with flamed nipples not much can stop you.

as its you I’m gong to offer an insight into the world of a titted Jedi. We were not on a subject of discernable gravity but as if on queue he looked over to a group of virgin pups and simply purred in his slippery way....

“you just gave me something that I want to keep”

what a f ckin legend, the man makes me cry. He does gurn like a god damn raccoon though and on that basis still queues behind the trimmings of No1.

I hope to one-day reach the very same level of Londoner status although with the current cobra tv decoration combination I fear I am already light years in front. We will certainly need to dig ultra out for a night on the tiles and the following pavements of eviction mind you, he sounds like a giggle and we do like a bit of that.

x

Oh and thanks for the tip ref peroxide, I think it could be the start of a decline in morality and arm opening acceptance to all things impulsive and slightly kinky. Oh for a chance meeting of ticklish connection. no in fact I could already be construde as a minor pervert so hold the mayo and we will act as kindreds.

Ps do you have any preference on the location of the pepper pots? I can be quite particular you know.



ppss i used that bones one to prop up by bed of arrogance whilst the heavens opened on the little green ones.

A Yerbury
29-03-2005, 10:06 PM
Mr Pinch was my favourite, a mincing black gentleman ,think sid the sexist from viz, his mate with the scrape and the tache, only stranger. His gait suggested he was being pulled heavenwards and all his clothing was 2 sizes too small, he had a handbag and was last spotted in tescos speaking to a. himself or b. a frozen leg of lamb.....god only knows ahat he did with it.
ohh its harry hill. must dasherooo.
lexy.

Richard_S
29-03-2005, 10:18 PM
is a dasherooo a tribalistic varient on the schnitzel?

A Yerbury
29-03-2005, 10:38 PM
Cohen, Zimmerman and lebovitz......Gentlemans Habberdasheroos est 1860, Mare St, Hackney. They sell very fine hats and not a schnikel in sight.
Yours, complaining.
Alexander Portnoy.
ps c u on the other side, I will be transmogrified into one of the gnarly fingered men of toil......eek.

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 12:46 PM
we should drop by at some point as I could do with an antler upgrade. do you know if they "do" wooden legs ; you know the carved and meticulously shaped ones? I am a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to the good old hoppers and mine is now very worn and in need of urgent replacement. They simply just don't make trees the way they used to and tbh Ive only had about 375/380 moderate m/way miles out of this one.

trust all is going well on the labouring bravado front ; it is certainly a nice day for mud baths and hot soup. I am stuck in my glass pyramid laughing at the balding estate agents with a packet or two of buttered shortbread. I would be willing to swap at any juncture.

A Yerbury
30-03-2005, 06:07 PM
Fine day, getting all dirty and listening to local radio with a nonchalent roley hanging from my lip (lips?) I have a certficate now so if you need someone to come around to kick the walls a bit whilst tutting "wot fakin twat done that then eh?!" then I'm your lonesome ranger, we even went to a drinking establishment for lunch, crazy. I managed to inhale several tonnes of victorian house dust so I am replete with bogeys the size of childrens fists, most satisfying. Later I shall light some candles, have a soak with ernest and julio and listen to late junction with hopefully the lovely Verity Sharpe but probably Fiona "fiddley dee music" Talkington. Now that there is wonga on the horizon I may sort out these rearsets, let me know if you are up for a pair, much good price.

Regards,
A Cowboy.

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 08:06 PM
Glad your winning sir, I have had a better day than yesterday although twas still devoid of sakkage, sarki or general scrumpage. Still I thank the lord for the clear break in the skies for my clockwork 30min blat home and for the fact that the ambulance didn’t hit me after all. Now at the twilight end of the day I have got the time to tickle the mercenary domestic appliances, bake some cookies and peer through the curtains making endless notes regarding the inappropriate movements of Miss X.

You know me, always up for a pair where possible but I am less than enthusiastic on this occasion. Call me old fashioned but I am hazy as to the benefit of said devices. Orchestration of the summersault is slightly further up the list but bless your heart for the thought. As a side swipe I have just been quoted £720 for my annual pick me up. I do actually hate the world.

I had such a horrible dream last night. Absolutely horrible I !*!*!*!* you not. For a reason that escapes me I had decided to go and see Mr. Tattoo for a small number on the left hand shoulder. I was all ready in the chair and then something happened. A suggestion was made and obviously in a crippled state of multicoloured submission I saw nowhere to go. Sense had checked out early and there was I AGAIN. It shocks me to accept that I was remarkably easy to convince, didn’t bat an eyelid so to speak and despite the character of my usual brows they to were silent. Apparently what I really wanted was to have my face tattooed. I cannot decide what upsets me more; the darkness of the whole thing or the fact that I simply went along with the idea in the first place. Susceptibility shows a hole and I was clearly flapping.
The odd thing was that we then jumped to jobs a goodun.
I had purple, bluely glasses and lilac eyelashes. My eyes looked like a fading sunset of sorts, you know the kind that they have on Pluto. The outline of my skull was reinforced in paint on either side of my eyes, manly grey in colour with the occasional red/white section. Think Skeletor after a night in Vegas. The icing on the cake though was yet to come. I peered upwards to note that I had also been equipped and to a certain degree blessed with a red and yellow thinly striped beanie hat. Now don’t get me wrong, the man had done a fabulous job in the 2 milliseconds that it had taken. If it had been someone else’s face I would have definitely been impressed.
Shortly after that I screamed a horrible scream and realised that I had just ruined my life.
I forced myself awake at around 4.30 and could have kissed the pope when my heart calmed down and discovered that I was OK.

Moving on and at the risk of saying something that can be construed as controversial in some courts I have noticed that my ironing board is getting shorter. It started early this week, maybe Tuesday. Who was it that said seize the day?

Your refuge will be your tomb. 8 hours a day, call it twenty years.

Take me to Patagonia before the cuckoo crows “bananas”

Yours truly, a very scared man x

A Yerbury
30-03-2005, 08:45 PM
I have had similiar inky mistake nightmares although none quite as horrific, usually a unicorn thats gone a bit "my little ponies glue factory" or one of those Man utd demons on my butt cheeks, despite the quite terrifing brilliance, pertness, tone and all around ability to stop dictatorships my posterior posses's I dont see them very often so upon waking it is difficult to ascertain dream status or not. I need more mirrors, and a bigger boat. the other recurring nightmare (apart from the bog standard teeth fall outs, hair fall outs -also tricky to establish- and general nakedness) I have on occasion been presented with toddlers. Very scary. The skeletor vegas image was perfection btw. I bought a most excellent torch today although the jug eared virgin fool at the army surplus store kept reffering to it as a "really nice bit of kit" which almost put me of.... not just the aforementioned device but life in general.

yours playing with his tasty bit of kit.

Alex.
ps received an email from cheddar boy, he still lurks occasionally so if you read this Betty you are still a Jimmy Sommerville looky like with small eyes and an (is it possible?!) even small brainbox.

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 09:06 PM
sorry, can't stop the 2005 Ducati Desmo Club badges & stickers are now available. You gotta love an enthusiastic sales assistant, except of course the ones who lurk in Clintons.

A Yerbury
30-03-2005, 09:13 PM
haha. "would you buy a used bike from this potato?" err no.

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 09:13 PM
what the hell is a haha?

A Yerbury
30-03-2005, 09:25 PM
Maori war dance once performed in front of soon to be hacked to pieces hordes, now played out in front of Prince Phillip, and european rugby teams...they get hacked to pieces too usually.
A hoho Y

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 09:28 PM
a tip for the greyhound. beautiful.

have you checked out the new A.P range ; tis all about the "Lixxy"

A Yerbury
30-03-2005, 10:04 PM
AP? who are these fellows and why, which, what?
ay.
ps I have not seen a bowl of cherries in a long time

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 10:12 PM
its all about the inbox.

ditto although I have a bowl prepared all special like. strike 1.

A Yerbury
30-03-2005, 10:24 PM
oh yes It's all about that, sadly they may exit stage left (taking their fruits with them) allowing lesser types to appreciate "all that" Young Robin (a chum) once splashed out on some exquisite coco de la mer basques and what not for his then time attractive partner in mutual irritation, She used to be a Dom (and I dont mean a bloke called Dominic) so had quite the attributes..coughs into his brandy and ruffles the Times....The though of any other bastardo savouring the fruits of his labour made him a tad vexed. Thus he broke into the replacements gaff, took all the lace with him and buried the lot. He is a good laugh our Robin, my Darth Maul to your Yoda. Although any offspring of Malcolm Mac needs a bitter slap and no mistake.
AY.
ps This is every second shop in yer "la belle france"

Richard_S
30-03-2005, 10:37 PM
bugger its that Estler bloke. I will see you in the dunes of endor young padawan for now though I have appoitment with felicity in fairyland x

she eats coco for breakfast btw

LeMarsu
31-03-2005, 08:18 AM
Guys,

How about you end this thread today....
don't you think if you call each other you can get more converstation done?

nik_the_brief
31-03-2005, 11:57 AM
Guys,

How about you end this thread today....
don't you think if you call each other you can get more converstation done?

What's the harm in the freestyling ramblings of this Random Chat thread? It's not vulgar or likely to bring the UKMOC into disrepute. Nobody has to read it if they're not interested - others of us find it a great source of amusement - don't be such a killjoy! :eek:

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 12:12 PM
Quite. Personally having your sale thread updated with pics every five minutes is tedious but I havent found it necessary to pass comment. 799 viewers can't be wrong.

CraigMac
31-03-2005, 06:29 PM
You two are just dead naughty.....I knew this would lead to trouble.
Im concerned....
Regards.

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 06:31 PM
now what, I come in after a hard day building the world for the rest of you and I get this! Le M we are no longer in Fraance so there is no need for this beaurocracy! sigh...ok shall we continue in the "humour" section? sadly not even I can guarantee humour, and dislike punchlines writ large.
AY.
also sweaty odonnell shall accuse me of cowardice should I acquiesse.

Nonnie
31-03-2005, 06:35 PM
I, for one, am absolutely riveted to the screen whenever a new posting is made on this thread. I can hardly contain myself and the absolute joy of hearing what "the latest" is has made life seem just that little bit more fascinating. With these details I am gaining enormous insider information which I am sure I can use to my advantage some day with blackmailing opportunities. I vote it for Blog of the Year.

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 06:42 PM
It's all true Non! cheers, even if you were being sarcastic which my ego informs me you were'nt. I am sure however that the marsupial was.
fondest regards.
Julius.

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 08:27 PM
Well right on queue I have had an act of the god. The type that is certainly not a good thing, but something that should at least help to keep the Meldrews of this world at bay for a moment or two. My chain decided to “pop off” on the way home tonight, fortunately I was at 2mph and 500 yrds from home. Not snapped just appears to have decided to kick back and take a break. Telephoned ducati assist and they have booked a man for me apparently so fingers crossed he shows. I will of course keep all of updated, I can see the concern in your eyes. I am of course perplexed by the whole affair but equally grateful that I didn’t do a “superman” in front of the kids.

As a slight footnote the call centre that I was transferred to was in France. She was helpful AND a tad witty. That’s where us English have gone wrong you see – we use India which not only makes the call that much slower (the pardon moment etc) but never quite as reassuring.

Sabrina left today and I fell remarkably saddened. Apparently we are going to have babies on Saturday though and so that is helping.

Ps I not an Indian hater btw

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 09:31 PM
Please can you use this thread for concerns of a more random nature Herr Sellers, I can see our loyal fan base twitching in their seats (not just for the usual lady reasons either) Although a Gentleman calling the 24 hr pan european popping of chains helpline gets a complimentary nod from yours not so truly, well done my man I do hope you point at the little man, point at the chain and !*!*!*!* #the brows. I hear that if you refer to these people as "mate" they do an extra super special job. A rather uneventfull days painting is all I have to report, Radio "wyvern" seems to be clogging up my brain somewhat..."in our exclusive text poll 95 percent of you are against atm machines charging for usage" No faeces Sherlock! I also have no idea (nor do I wish for one) of the Year Chesney Hawkes had a number 1 seeing as I have always held number 2's in higer esteem than the bemoled twonk himself. Still, it's work and I am getting to meet the people....ditto nothing to report apart from the boss man (who is actually pretty cool as he looks like Ed Harris with hair) deciding to paint the ceiling a pale green magnolia that has done a banshee. He reasons that as we are constructing a drinking establishment c u m purveyor of overpriced goats cheese on toast people will be smoking! better to get the ceiling stained beforehand rather than later?! If one were to take this logic to the extreme we may as well all don nappies, walk with a stoop, wear beige and grumble about the "state of the youngsters these days" seeing as I do most of the above already he may be onto something.......like most things in life it is either absurd or inspired with Mr AY teeting somewhere twixt the two, entre les deux even. Betty says hi in her inimitable charming fashion BTW.

A very vulgar man Y

ps. I am mentally converting things into euros, not because I do not know what things are worth rather I do know what things are worth and want something that is guaranteed to get my back up (Osteopaths aside)

Yours, slugging back £4.99 worth of Aussie banality that should/could be 8 euros of French oral bliss, second only to the taste of a very fine woman (medium vintage. very rare)

# wahey! the nations favourite auntie Le Marsu has (I suspect) decided that eyebrows can not be c o c k e d on the ukmoc!! they can however be roosterd at them instead.

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 09:38 PM
as always bless the edit.

he's been and gone and apparently I don't have any sprockets left.

and to think I was having a much better evening.

so its hours of on hold to india to try and get towed for less than the cost of an additional penis. even aussie joy cannot compensate. I blame the curse of the black pearl along side the bad choice in todays underpants.

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 09:43 PM
A fresh penis you say? why not get one from India? cheaper and browner thus large male chicken status can be established.
AY.
In future folks whenever you want to refer to a male chicken, loading a rifle or "doing something" to a "snoot" -wodeva that is?- simply use the word "penis" instead, less you want to spend a week at bletchley park decoding !*!*!*!*!* THOSE.

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 09:49 PM
I think I may consider a "trade in" ; sprockets supplied and fitted NOW in exchange for the willy. You know you have a problem somewhere when at the ripe old age of .. the lack of use results in proposed bartering with the jake snake. (the one of wwf fame of course). bugger it generally.

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 09:54 PM
Bartering or battering? I often have to beat the old chap into submision and so have many of my close friends. So you see bartering is out of the question as there is ssimply no reasoning with him. I mean, I'm a bloke so I understand -to an extent... but he's a lot worse than me.

ps I did not enjoy my last cigarette at all, I am rolling another in the hope that it will be an improvement. fingers crossed.

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 10:06 PM
your probably right, I could probably squeeze a reflector or something out of em as well. a willy is most definitely a willy.

best of luck with the fiery creation, I have been rather cack handed of late although the bigger ones are improving to a respectable position.

did the easter harvest provide a pertinent crop?

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 10:16 PM
yes and yes although being a grown up the cocoa content was very high, complements a deep burgandy very well were that they were not all priced by Gordy over here. The only other crop was supplied via wahl and the ashen chimp has been replaced with a handsome skinhead..tadaaaa! The other pertinent chap is as pert and impertenant as ever.
Alex.
ps lets stop the willy chat as -I suspect-some folk already assume we are an item, rumour mill that this once bike chatty enclave has descended into...
pps if messers Ducati are reading this then sort out the key imobiliser price rrip off you thieving corporate tarts.

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 10:24 PM
here here. and make better sprockets too ya bastids!

what with mavis the hygienist first thing this is rapidly turning into a week of down right direness. my "lift" friend is on voicemail, my feet are still cold and I have only enough squash left for half a pint of peach. if only it were to get better in later life but as I already know the tapestry is smoked and the price of scotch will only ever go up. thank christ for the four-poster and newly plucked editions of the sixteenth testament. I hope it rains for the next god damned week, or just enough to provide puddles of enough depth to jump in whilst screaming.

OgriUK
31-03-2005, 10:36 PM
thats one of the most entertaining threads i think ive ever read in any for forum.
your not related to a bloke called graeme from lumley(newcastle) by any chance?


i salute you.. :)

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 10:39 PM
nope, never north of watford for me but cheers none the less.

at the risk of growing big balls of completion and in the good old amazon type fashion you should try this for genuine badness.

http://www.ukmonster.co.uk/monster/showthread.php?t=10323

Le M you are my new HERO :rolleyes:

OgriUK
31-03-2005, 10:48 PM
oy vey!! :eek:

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 11:17 PM
Damnation, tarn it and priests on fire! I had just penned a veritable masterpiece, only for my computer thingy to have one of it's funny turns! I can not remeber a word? but that's life, genius, orgasms and butterflies for you, fleeting. I am now about to ponder this question using the medium of my bodymass, booze and a service revolver....I would have said gas oven but apparently doing a Sylvia is no longer possible...on that note, you know the old cliche, strutting off to a top nite spot, ooh hang on "did I leave the gas on?" well supposing one was headfirst in the Creda/Belling having just answered the above with a "whats the bloody point eh?" would that be an ironic final thought? and would one smile at it? Go with a smile I say.
AY.
ps. Ogri it is nice to think that we have reached out and touched you in some way (although not in that way) do you have any sisters? or know any cheap women?

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 11:27 PM
I will provide a full, live and totally unabridged web cam step-by-step dissection of Saturday if that would help. Probably go along the lines of CANCELLED. BUGGER.

anyway Im off to carve a new set of sprockets out of some distain and hatefulness I keep in the cupboard and so bid you all a warm evening of fun filled frolics and angel cake.

History is presumption and so I will leave you all with a big kiss of totally heterosexual utopian aspiration x

A Yerbury
31-03-2005, 11:33 PM
bugger off then. Angel cakes? I am about to make some pesto for lunch and touch a labrador...good for the blood pressure.
bon chance.

Richard_S
31-03-2005, 11:41 PM
whatever you do do it safely. pesto can be toxic if combined with the wrong type of woofers.

Richard_S
01-04-2005, 08:01 PM
i nearly had a micra this evening but the bureaucracy once again ruffled the feathers and I left with red eyeballs of rage. Bike will be a weekish but at least the AA loved me up with no cost transportation all the way to Crawley. A very small mercy gratefully received. oh and I have a new assistant. called Neil. enough said :mad:

A Yerbury
01-04-2005, 08:01 PM
what a fool I am, none of the other clowns turned up for work?! so much for roostering a snoot at the boss man. Still, I have the smug glow of the employed about me now, a profoundly underwhelming sensation and nothing to brag about. People have been praying for the pope all day? why? he has a hot line of his own, do they want him to creep about for ever? Another local radio snippet informs me that Windsor castle now has a dragon........I mean really.
Alex.
ps. knackered, will someone please provide inspiration or a shoulder to cry on?

pps everyone needs a bosom for a pillow, one or three of those would be nice.

ppps. I saw a ducati monster today does this count? was it you? and who really cares? I dont.

xxxxx y zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Richard_S
01-04-2005, 08:10 PM
I cared until I was told that a driving licence is not sufficient in order to rent a car.

Next time I'll take some f uckin candyfloss and a tiara. Some people do need to be hung by there ear lobes over a vast and fiery pit of profane, sheer bearing dwarves.

ps I know the dragon but sadly it’s a "nice legs, shame about the face" effort ; nothing is ever that simple when it comes to potatoes or mythology.

Ppss Neil has a god damned quiff. I think next week I will be mostly retiring. Again. any room for a tea boy?

A Yerbury
01-04-2005, 08:20 PM
a quiff you say! my god not one of those new fangled jobs I hope. I am still racked with guilt over not providing a photogarph of the mad cow at "crazy land" outside Caen, Nice udders shame about the lack of admirers not doing a mecca for the thing...another one of those occasions no doubt logged safely under "Flash before Yerburys eyeballs as the death rattle kicks in" Why do people call other people "neil" when they are at the baby stage? It's up there with Alan and Kevin in the titty name stakes and who the hell employed this twerp. heads really should roll.
Alice bands.

Richard_S
01-04-2005, 08:35 PM
alas its a shame to say it but head rolling is usually to good for these inadequate hr types. Ours in particular have all the agility of a second hand and rather tired boil in the bag Morrison’s chicken surprise. No chicken, no surprise and not a big enough steam roller.

As for Neil if being fair he does seem harmless enough but he has not provided any biscuits, good tea or dropped his pen in a deliberate and provocative way and so we are as good as done. Its all about the pizzazz and this clown has none aside from the paint drying quality exhumed by the likes of terry muthafeckin wogan. my dental woman was rather severe with me this morning - apparently she is not satisfied with my flossing efforts and has suggested hiring a Russian for the purpose. Do you have any experience of sub contracted dental work?