The cash, rolling in!!

[CraigMac]

Some guys have all the luck....and once again, Ive hit the jackpot.
Ive just had another email from Mr Umdingi from the Nigerian interior ministry asking me to help him out, to basically "Get a few Quid" out of his country...seems that an oil executive died in a plane crash and they need a helping hand to stash the loot offshore and it seems that Im the man, because he trusts me!! Great eh. Ive got to bank $60 milliion and I get to keep $15 Million.....Little does he know, that i'm going to keep the lot...to add to the $40 million that I won at the start of the week on the international lottery....I dont remember buying that ticket at the Spar...but who cares, its there mistake!!
Now Im supposed to keep it hush hush....just in case.......but I cant contain myself with my new found wealth.....So I think I can safely say that Im going to be the richest man on the site.....A Ha.....I expect to get my mitts on the dosh soon....I cant wait to see the look on the face of that lemon sucking Knob of a bank manager at RBS, when I tell him that he can stick his overdraft right up his arse....in fact I think i'll phone him today....
Do you think its unfair of me to keep all the dosh or should I hand the $45 million back to our friend...what a quandry.....I need your advice on this along with your begging letters....that I will read with glee....and then file for later consideration....maybe.
So is anyone else as rich as me or as lucky.....

[dean]

sounds like a cracker of a windfall Craig, but naturally condolences to the family of the oil exec. I personally would give them some back, mainly to take care of the funeral expenses, obituary notice in the nigerian mirror, headstone etc. They can mount up. Perhaps a couple of grand should do em.

Now to my begging letter.

As you may know, i have had recent mental health problems, my well documented run ins with the KGB and various other government agencies having spies in my back garden. I have had to incur considerable costs to invest in my various surveillance equipment for both me and my apprecntice. In spite of the fact that number two is a lot smaller than me his kit costs the same price, sometimes the shoes are more expensive, i never could work that out.

As a result of a lot of the recent overnight stake outs in the poor weather, number two has the sniffles, however i have a full blown chest infection. Although i have been on anti biotics from the medic and am still a little phlegmy and wheezy, it is drying up a bit.

All this stress with the stake outs, not to mention interrogating various kids in the school yard regarding the true identity of "luke" has taken it's toll on me and number two, both physcially and psychotically.

My doctor, has advised that i need constant access to medical advice and information, therefore he has advised that i go "broadband" to ensure that my quite unique needs are met. He has advised me that approximate costs of installation are £300k with an extra £100k for wireless.Nice chap that he is he also offered to help me with the installation, he seems to know his onions so i'll not argue.

Anyway, if you can see fit to sending me a cheque for the above amount i'll be eternally grateful, and you can be safe in the knowledge that the war on infiltration from spies and aliens can continue unheeded.

[CraigMac]

Dean, If you want to PM me with your bank details, as I have had to do with my Nigerian contact....the dough's yours. Im going to add another £50 grand for a new monitor mouse and keyboard....I take it that your considering a purchase from PC world....hey, quality costs!!
You mentioned that you were living off take outs.....You and the boy need something more nourishing than a donner and thin fries....so treat yourself to something more substancial....I suggest when operatating in the field, eating Hollands Pies...the meat and potatoe is a very sustaining meal in itself.
The work is taking its toll on you and the boy...its not worth ruining your allready fragile mental state because of luke.....his time will come......
I reccomend that you just peer out of the window, noting down all of the reg numbers of cars that pass your house...just to keep your hand in.
I suggest that your boys mates are not allowed to play at your home....counter intelligence and all that.....He should learn to work alone..Does he really need these so called freinds.. I think not.
With all this dosh, im thinking of buying an Island....somewhere nice...where its not to cold....frost, hail, rain, and snow.....awful stuff.......and building a high tech plant...with its own railway....maybe inside the mountain...and coming up with a bit of a plot.....Like in that James Banned docu-soap....
Im going to have some interesting jobs for the right kind of people....No2 of any interest?
There will be well fit birds too!!
So along with your bank details please send your CV.
Regards.

[marchesini]

Dean, If you want to PM me with your bank details, as I have had to do with my Nigerian contact....the dough's yours. Im going to add another £50 grand for a new monitor mouse and keyboard....I take it that your considering a purchase from PC world....hey, quality costs!!

Hang on, what's going on here. I think we have another duplicity in our midst (or cloning as the professionals have enlightened me with the relevant technical jargon). Let's look at the evidence (in my best Lloyd Grossman tone):

i want a nose and screen with brackets to fit and also a carbon seat cowl with brackets to fit as well........... buzz me with anything you have to offer and we can talk...............

also, do any of you want this carbon teatray................. no wasters............... it looks lovely if you like the asse

Same style, different signature. Very suspect - I think I'll be keeping tabs on this thread - and I may not be the only one.................

simon

[CraigMac]

Im told by the ladies, that ive got a cute botty......But im no asse man....Ive no interest in ballet...or doing up houses with a scottish theme.
So simon, youve pitched your tent in the wrong feild.....Duplicity...not my bag...but I can see where you are coming from.
Regards

[Rogerg]

ah the so called 419 scammers again.

so called because 419 is the Nigerian penal code offence for this type of fraud.

some humour & good advice on how to deal with them can be found here: http://www.419eater.com

best just ignore them... follow the first rule:

If something seems too good to be true - it probably is!

[dean]

Thanks for the surveillance nutritional advice craig, however having tried a variety of pastry based nutritional supplements in the past i am going to stick to mars bars and urine (my own, naturally). The main problem is space, as nice as they are, your pukkas, hollands, peters, ginsters cornish etc are a bit bulky to carry over long distances. Bear in mind some of mine and number two's field manouveres are as much as a quarter of a mile away, occasionally venturing in to adjoining post codes.

Been doing the number plate thing for months now, am contemplating chassis numbers but that can get a bit time consuming. It's ok with mercs, cos genereally they have the number on the windscreen but it varies by manufacturer. I have created a database using microsoft access that enables me to cross reference car reg data with other info on the owner/driver such as number of limbs, contents of bins etc. Access is good cos it's robust and the query funtionality is easy to use. I think my information is far more comprehensive than the DVLA, certainly on a local level anyway.

Regarding your possible purchase of an island, prefereably somewhere hot, i think brando's old gaff is going( i saw it on some property makeover show recently hosted by two very nice scottish boys)

I dont know what the potential for developement is relating to in-mountain infrastructure or whether the climate would be condusive to some sort of aviary gym, but it's got to be worth a look.

I'm sure number two would be interested in some summer work there.Even though i think he has a fine career ahead of him in the espionage, double agent and assasin game, i still want him to do his GCSE's. This is mainly due to his cover, after all his mother is still blissfully unaware of any of his covert activities.

Keep me posted, bank details on their way, and give my best regards to Mr Umdingi

[A Yerbury]

Roger, Craigs email comes from the Nigerian Minister for the interior !!!!not some school kids with a bbc micro having a bit of a wheeze in ongo bongo land at whiteys expense. If this came from those fraudsters at Daytona then alarm bells would ring but this looks bona fide to me.
Alex.
PS Craig I dont love you for your money(As that blonde tart wendy craig once crooned)
pps backwards upside down psychology! that'll fox him! I can hear the brown envelopes being despatched as I type this -chuckles-

[CraigMac]

Roger,
Do you think I was born yesterday, I fear that you take me for a fool....Ive sussed out your cunning plan and its not going to work....419..613... why didnt you use the numbers 916....that would have been more convincing. None of my chums have heard of this scam thing....you just want to lull me into a false sense of security and then contact Mr Umdingo Saying "I'll help at a much cheaper rate"
Well, ive scuppered that one already and contacted my man and he only trusts me.
Roger, I can't understand why you are doing this, as everyone that I know who's called Roger is well sovved up.
Sounds like greed and jelousy combined..you should be ashamed of yourself...
Thanks to the others for the support...Ive got a place for you in the big plan.
Regards..

[SAMMYE]

Leave them alone they are starving you inhumane animals!!

[A Yerbury]

Roger, I too have received one of these so they must be true, and unlike Craig the mac I was especially choosen for my....hang on....."grace of spirit and gentlemanly credentiality" there was more (loads in fact!) but I don't want to be responsible for yet another sad git with an inferiority complex. Some of us are born lucky whilst some guttersnipes like nothing more than spreading misery?! it's a British disease I fear.
AL£X.

[PaulS]

I've received lots of similar e-mails from people in Nigeria who I am now proud to call my best friends. They seem to have a lot of trouble with oil execs and consultants of various types dying in plane crashes so I always like to do my best to help them out. Rather strangely none of their money ever seems to reach my bank account - I reckon it's my bank manager ripping me off. He now wants to talk to me about the £20,000,000,000 overdraft I mysteriously seem to have run up. I don't remember spending this much on my debit card so I think he's trying it on. Craig - I wish you good luck with Mr. Umdingi, he really is a lovely man who has a lot of bad luck, he deserves all the help we can give him.

[dean]

I think roger is only voicing a natural concern for one of his fellow members, he sent me a pm about my member, but thats private and i dont discuss pm's on the forum.

It is right to be cautious when diving headfirst in to these various get rich quick schemes, there are a number of scams out there so there's nothing wrong with a little prudence.

Dont forget lads that Roger has a different point of view than we do on this, if you watch his various "report" programmes on TV he uncovers the underbally of the scamsters out there, it's inevitable that he will become a little jaded. He has been battered, beaten, stepped on and chased about in more car parks and porches than we could possibly appreciate.

Roger's work is important to him, and i for one applaud his bravery.

Well done Mr Cook!

[A Yerbury]

I've received lots of similar e-mails from people in Nigeria who I am now proud to call my best friends. They seem to have a lot of trouble with oil execs and consultants of various types dying in plane crashes so I always like to do my best to help them out. Rather strangely none of their money ever seems to reach my bank account - I reckon it's my bank manager ripping me off. He now wants to talk to me about the £20,000,000,000 overdraft I mysteriously seem to have run up. I don't remember spending this much on my debit card so I think he's trying it on. Craig - I wish you good luck with Mr. Umdingi, he really is a lovely man who has a lot of bad luck, he deserves all the help we can give him.

That definitely sounds like the bank manager, after all, these so called "bank managers" were all shot 7 years ago? replaced by the internet and call centres...in Nigeria. The irony of it all.

[JR]

For clarification, Holland's Meat and Potatoe pies no longer exist - you can of course purchase Hollands Potatoe and Meat pies. Wouldnt want any of the carnivore persuasion amonst you think the pies would be a balanced meal - they are more suitable for vegetarians.


JR

[Rogerg]

.

Roger's work is important to him, and i for one applaud his bravery.

Well done Mr Cook!

Damm rumbled - I said to the missus simply changing a letter of the surname wouldn't fool this crowd.

yours hiding behind a tree